


peach tree (one shot edition)

by yananvation



Series: peach tree [2]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Affection, Angst, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Dermatillomania, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Night Terrors, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Paranoia, Past Abuse, Self-Esteem Issues, Sensory Overload, Underage Drinking, ill add more tags as i post the one shots, lots of kithes, no one gets wasted it’s just casual, promise rings, they show affection in odd physical ways, this is just a collection of one shots from the peach tree au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-18
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:01:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 38,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25361311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yananvation/pseuds/yananvation
Summary: this is a collection of requested and random one shots that take place AFTER peach tree officially ends! i would recommend reading peach tree first, as this is technically a continuation of it.*feel free to send requests or prompts!*
Relationships: Hwang Hyunjin & Yang Jeongin | I.N, Hwang Hyunjin/Yang Jeongin | I.N
Series: peach tree [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1836598
Comments: 151
Kudos: 142





	1. i love you

He won’t lie, he’d realized what he’d been feeling a long time ago. What that all encompassing, honey suckle sweet emotion trilling about in his chest was. It made him cough and sputter, dainty flower petals flittering from his mouth whenever his eyes fell upon Hyunjin’s. It sounds like a cliche, but he couldn’t help the flowery taste on his tongue whenever he caught his gaze. When Hyunjin’s pretty eyes would crinkle in the corners, that dopey smile stretching his goofy little cheeks. Jeongin has drawn that smile so many times; painted it, smeared it, even clumsily sketched it in his notebook when he was supposed to be studying for his finals.

He loved it. He loved Hyunjin. Fuck, he loved Hyunjin more than the moon loved the sun. More than the stars loved the sky.

He’d worked hard to be more open about his feelings with Hyunjin, but he still fell short. Hyunjin needed his reassurance, craved it. He’d learned that rather early in their relationship, how much he desired his words. How highly he held them in esteem. Still, he accepted that Jeongin was trying his best. Always easing him down from the panic attacks that arose when he pushed himself too far. When he tried to stutter out certain words and phrases, only for his eyes to flood with tears and hiccups to catch in his throat.

Jeongin was making some progress though. The blinding grin on Hyunjin’s face whenever he said something aloud that he’d typically only reserve for text made it all worth it. All the failures, the breakdowns, and the frustration were just stepping stones to seeing that magnificent glow. That shy pink dusting of Hyunjin’s cheeks when Jeongin would catch him off guard with a “I’m so lucky I met you, lovely boy.” during a movie marathon. Or a “I’m all yours, Hyunnie.” whispered between their calming kisses and fond strokes of their hands.

However, despite their months together, Hyunjin was still struggling to fully grasp his place in Jeongin’s life. He was continuing to doubt himself and his actions, no matter how trivial. It’d been especially difficult for them lately, with the looming threat of Jeongin leaving for college and the anniversary of... the incident causing Jeongin to further shy away from Hyunjin’s affection.

He distanced himself far too much for either of their likings. It made Hyunjin tense when he did touch him, his muscles contracting uncomfortably under his fingertips when Jeongin would try to hold him close. So he simply... stopped. It left him aching for Hyunjin; his skin in burnt tatters yet yearning for his scathing embrace. All he wanted was to show Hyunjin they were okay. That he wasn’t leaving him behind, or leaving him at all, for that matter.

“Jeongin? Jeongie?” Hyunjin’s timid voice rang in his ears. His slumped figure was poised beside him on the bed, shoulders drooped and features anxious as he fiddled with his fingers. There was a slight redness to his eyes, like he’d been weeping some time ago. “Is now not a good time?”

Jeongin shook his head. “No, I-“ he paused, scooting closer to Hyunjin so their shoulders grazed against one another. Hyunjin jerked, but didn’t scuttle away. Instead, he hesitantly leaned into his arm, carefully avoiding meeting his skin with his own. “It’s always a good time for you, Hyunnie,” Jeongin assured, pressing his lips to Hyunjin’s temple. “Always. Always for my baby, hm?” he giggled, trying his damnedest to coax that gorgeous little grin out of him. He adoringly nuzzled his nose against the shell of Hyunjin’s ear, soft breaths warming the sensitive skin.

Hyunjin visibly bit back a smile, cheeks pansy pink as he finally melted into Jeongin’s touch. “You’re in a good mood today,” He quietly remarked. “Something happen?”

Jeongin let out a breathy chuckle, “I just missed you, that’s all.” He slung his arm across Hyunjin’s waist, one palm flat against his stomach while the other looped around his back and tucked him close. “I’m sorry I haven’t been the most present boyfriend lately...” He sunk his teeth into his bottom lip, eyes shamefully cast downwards to the hand resting on Hyunjin’s tummy. He gave it a few soft pats, then began to rub steady, small circles into the flesh. “I- Things are... hard for me, right now. I should have explained that to you instead of pushing you away...” He knit his brows, forehead wrinkling in paled distress. “I- I have... something else to tell you, too, but...” His voice teetered off into a whisper. “But I’m scared.”

Hyunjin sucked in a sudden breath, “Is... Is it bad? You- you didn’t cheat on me or anything, right?” His voice began to tremble, lilting as he examined Jeongin’s face. “Or are you breaking up with-“

Jeongin abruptly cut him off with a pained whine, “No! No, shit, baby, I’d- I’d never do that to you, okay?” He dug his fingers into the front of Hyunjin’s tshirt, pressing himself flush against his side. “Hyunjin, you’re my world. You’re all I ever want.”

Jeongin waited with bated breath for Hyunjin to nod. Hyunjin then shot him a shaky smile as he needily bumped his head into Jeongin’s. Jeongin gently returned the gesture, pushing his own forehead against his. He felt himself relax, the tension leaving his body as the warmth seeped and settled into his bones. He felt Hyunjin’s breath fan his face, the shuddering puffs of air making Jeongin’s heart squeeze.

“If I was unhappy, you’d know, yeah?” He began, the hand gripping Hyunjin’s hip pulling him impossibly closer. They molded together beautifully, sinking into each other’s skin like they were crafted specifically for one another. “I’m so- I’m so sorry I made you feel like I was gonna do those things.”

“It’s okay. I know you wouldn’t do that stuff, I was just-“ Hyunjin sighed defeatedly. “You’ve been gone, yknow? Like, you’ve hung out with me, but you haven’t... You haven’t been yourself.” 

Jeongin hummed quietly in agreement, “You’re right, I haven’t.”

Hyunjin shrugged, tilting his head to rest on Jeongin’s shoulder. “So, what is it that’s scaring you so bad?”

“Oh, I... I’ve been thinking, like, like a lot lately. About how I feel and how I- how you specifically make me feel. You make me feel safe and- and like nothing can hurt me anymore... I know it’s lame and super cheesy, but, uh, you- you’re like my home, yknow?” Jeongin stalled then, slowly unraveling his hand from the taut fabric of Hyunjin’s shirt. He raised it to tenderly cup his cheek, his thumb affectionately caressing the delicate skin of Hyunjin’s cheekbone. “And I- I’m in love with you,” He breathed. 

“You- You what?”

Jeongin nudged the tip of his nose against Hyunjin’s. He then resituated himself so he was facing him, knees tucked neatly under his body as he cradled Hyunjin’s awestruck face. He locked eyes with him, taking a moment to bask in the beautiful innocence of his gaze. Hopeful and unsure, insecure yet adoring. He figured he needed to hear it again. “I am so unbelievably in love with you, Hyunjin Hwang,” He repeated firmly, “God, I fucking love you so much.”

Hyunjin trembled beneath Jeongin’s palms, sticky droplets of tears beginning to mat his lashes together. “You- you love me?” He croaked, “You really love me, Jeongin?” He wrapped his fingers around Jeongin’s wrists. He unintentionally squished his cheeks into Jeongin’s hands as he desperately tried to close the distance between them. He attempted to slot their lips together, both of them messily fumbling to properly capture the others lips when Hyunjin missed the target. Jeongin chuckled as their teeth clinked together, separating just enough to brush the tip of his nose along Hyunjin’s cupid’s bow.

“We’re still gonna need to work on that, huh, pretty boy?” He teased, using a hand to tuck a lock of hair behind Hyunjin’s reddening ear.

Hyunjin set his lips in a pout, plush lips cutely puckered and huffing out a quiet _hmph!_. “You’re just as inexperienced as me!” He defended. He then fell silent for a moment, shyly ducking his head down to dodge Jeongin’s intense gaze. He breathed in slow, then steadily began letting it out through his nose to steel himself before staring Jeongin dead on. “You, uhm, you meant that, right? What you said?”

Jeongin flushed, an embarrassing wave of heat prickling underneath his skin. He smiled gently, taking one of Hyunjin’s hands in his own. The weight was familiar, comforting as the calloused skin brushed against his own. He idly traced the divots and bumps of his veins with a fingertip before firmly encasing his palm. He bashfully adverted his eyes from Hyunjin’s. “You mean about me... loving you?” He meekly asked, “Yeah, I- I meant it... I love you.”

Hyunjin beamed, a new cascade of tears flowing freely down his precious cheeks as he giggled wildly. He burrowed his head in Jeongin’s collarbone, a pleasant rush of heat splotching his honey skin with a lovely array of color. “Jeongin Bang loves me! My angel loves me!” He chanted triumphantly, suddenly removing his face from the crook of his neck to press a splatter of sloppy kisses to Jeongin’s cheek. Jeongin halfheartedly batted him away, but he laughed along with him all the same. The two shared a blissful grin as the stared at one another.

“Fuck...” Hyunjin muttered once he calmed himself down. He rested his forehead against Jeongin’s temple. “I love you too, yknow. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, Jeongin Bang.”

A content smile tugged on the edges of Jeongin’s lips. “I wouldn’t trade you for the world, Hyunjin Hwang.”


	2. nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jeongin calls hyunjin for the first time after one of his nightmares.
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING:  
> the following chapter contains references to sexual assault. it’s nothing graphic, but it’s not vague like how i had it written in peach tree’s original plot. PLEASE do not read this if you are triggered by that. thank you and please please stay safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING X2  
> this chapter contains references to sexual assault. please do not read this if you are sensitive to this topic or triggered by it. thank you and stay safe.

“Hello? Jeongin?” Hyunjin’s husky, sleep riddled voice cutting through the staticky connection. “Why are you up so early?”

Jeongin panted, the panicked sounds becoming pitiful snivels as he clawed at his chest. Everything inside felt tight and hot, like he’d gulped down a refreshing glass of molten metal.

“I- I, I can’t- I can’t breathe. Hyunjin, Hyun- Hyunnie- I- Chest, my chest- Hurts. Please, please, help me,” He heaved, eyes screwing shut from the excruciating pain booming in his ribcage. The tears seared their way down his cheeks, leaving irritated trails of red in their wake.

He heard frantic shuffling on the other side of the phone, silent curses flowing through the speaker as Hyunjin adjusted himself. “Hey, hey, angel, I’m right here. Take a deep breath, okay? Just focus on me, yeah?”

Jeongin let out a pitiful whine, furling in on himself as he tried to suck in any amount of air he could. He was hunched over his knees, a quivering heap of sobs and pules. He pressed the phone tightly to his ear, gripping it like a vice till he was sure his knuckles were white. His chest still stung with each expansion of his lungs, the molten liquid taking no survivors. It singed his insides, burnt black lines permanently scarring his lungs. Hot coils wound around the vulnerable flesh till each breath felt like a battle he had to fight.

Slowly, though, with the aid of Hyunjin’s steady voice and soothing words, he started to feel the heat die down. He continued to listen intently to Hyunjin’s sweet nothings long after it did, just to be sure. He breathed deeply.

“Good job, you’re doing so well for me, hm?” Hyunjin praised at the sound of Jeongin’s breathing, “Do you think you can calm down all the way without the affirmations, Jeongie? Or do you want me to tell them to you anyways?”

“No,” Jeongin hiccuped, his voice throaty and gruff from the disuse. He cleared his throat, reveling in the chill of the air passing through his windpipe, easing the festering burns in his airways. “No, I’m... I’m alright. I think I can do it.”

Hyunjin hummed, a slight static distorting the sound. “Can you tell me what happened?”

“Nightmare...”

“Oh... Do you want to talk about it?”

Jeongin parted his lips to reply, preparing his refusal, but something made him falter. Something... new. For once, he felt like maybe he _should_ tell Hyunjin about them. Not that Hyunjin himself was doing anything to stop him from doing it, but he’d... He’d never wanted to taint Hyunjin with his heinous thoughts and his... unsavory subconscious. He didn’t want him to have to be exposed to his panicked and frazzled states afterwards. When he couldn’t breathe and lashed at anyone or anything that dared invade his bubble. He didn’t want him to see that manic side of him, or his self destructive habits when it was all too much. When he’d do things he knows he shouldn’t, knows hurts more than just himself.

“I... I think so? I’m not, uhm, I’m not sure.” Jeongin spoke uncertainly as he nervously picked at a loose thread hanging off his hoodie. It was an oversized hoodie that hung off his body like a curtain, cocooning him in warmth and filling him with a sense of security. Hyunjin let him borrow it some time ago, but he never bothered returning. Now, with Hyunjin’s scent enveloping him in a pleasant embrace, he’s awfully thankful for his own forgetfulness.

Hyunjin just had this... aura, about him. A natural feeling of serenity, maybe. No matter how troubled or distressed Jeongin may feel, Hyunjin always managed to ease his mind. Either with the softness of his voice and his pacifying words or with his gentle shows of affection. Even just his presence alone was enough some days. He was an anchor, you could say. Jeongin’s anchor.

“Then don’t force yourself, angel. I don’t need to know what happens in them, I just need to know you’re safe.”

Jeongin smiled to himself, “You always make me feel safe. That’s, uhm... That’s why I called, I think. My brain was all mushy and messy and, and I couldn’t think about anything besides, uhm, needing you.” He bit at his bottom lip, nervously peeling a thin sheet of skin off with his teeth. He scrunched his nose as the coppery taste of blood hit his tongue. “I needed to hear you so I- I called.”

“Oh, Jeongin...” Hyunjin’s voice came out as a whisper, the microphone barely picking up his words. “I, I don’t know what to say. Thank you for trusting me enough to call me. I know it must have been difficult even if you did feel like you needed me.”

“I usually go to Chris for this cause he, uh, he understands. But for some reason you were the one who, just, my mind was screaming for.”

“Do you want me to come over? We don’t have to touch or anything, but I can, like, sit and talk with you? So you’re not alone.”

Jeongin pursed his lips. As tempting as his offer was — to sit and talk with his boyfriend till the sun peeked through the blinds — Jeongin was utterly petrified of the idea. What if he fell asleep and had another nightmare with Hyunjin right there beside him? Would he freak out on him? Would he shove Hyunjin away? Fuck, would he hurt him? He’s hit Seungmin and Felix before after particularly gruesome dreams. Never hard, but enough to jolt them awake and leave faint purple marks on their skin. They forgave him, of course, but the nausea that filled Jeongin’s stomach whenever he thought about it didn’t quell his guilt.

“No, it’s okay,” Jeongin assured, “I- Can I tell you about them? My nightmares?”

“Of course. If you wanna stop though don’t be afraid to tell me. I don’t want you to feel like you have to let me in on this when you’re not ready.”

“I will, I will... Uhm, thank you, for being so patient with me. I know I probably annoy the hell out of you.”

“Jeongin, you deserve all the time you need for this. Me being patient is literally the bare minimum.”

Jeongin felt a smile grow on his lips, grateful and kind. Hyunjin was so considerate, so unendingly doting. “I guess, but you know what I mean... I- I just-“ He let out a fond sigh through his nose, “I’m really lucky to have you.”

“Hm, I guess so~ Who else would let you wake them up at 4 am?” Hyunjin snickered, and Jeongin could practically see the shit eating grin on his face.

“Ugh, shut up! I was trying to be sentimental!”

“I’m kidding~”

“You’re such a pain!” Jeongin huffed, puffing out his cheeks in frustration. He then flopped down on his back, sprawling his limbs out all around him. He set the call to speaker so he could still hear Hyunjin as he spoke. “So... uhm,” His breath caught in his throat, his fingers clutching the aging fabric of his hoodie. His short, hastily bitten nails scratched at the fraying threads of the sleeves. “My nightmares- they, uh, they’re really triggering. Just, generally. So, let me know if you need me to stop.”

“Okay, baby, I will.”

Jeongin nodded, though mostly to reassure himself he was doing this. He never spoke of them with anyone besides Chris. And maybe Seungmin, if he was feeling really desperate.

Hyunjin wasn’t... He wasn’t there when it happened. He wasn’t like Seungmin, who helped patch Jeongin back together after it all went down. And he wasn’t Chris, who it actually happened to. He didn’t want Hyunjin to be repulsed by him, to think he’s selfish or something stupid like that. He knows it’s ridiculous. That Hyunjin would never think those things, but he’s afraid. Afraid of irrational things and ideas instead of the ones he should be frightened of.

“In my nightmares, it’s mostly just retellings of- of what happened to Chris. Sometimes it’s just what happened verbatim, but sometimes... Sometimes it’s-“ He swallowed thickly, raising one of his hands to worry the sleeve of his hoodie between his teeth. “It’s worse. Sometimes, the man, the one who assaulted Chris, he- he’s on top of me instead. He’s touching me and- and saying nasty things to me. And sometimes the man hurting me isn’t him at all, it’s Chris or-“ Jeongin abruptly stopped, feeling the panic bubble up in his chest once more. He took a shuddering breath, concealing his face behind his arms to help himself calm down. He took a deep breath, “Or its... uhm... it’s you. I know you would never do that, but it’s still so- its terrifying. I get so scared and shaky just from the- the thought of that... Please, don’t be mad at me for that- I, I can’t control it and I wish I could just- Just make it stop! And what sucks even more is that’s not even the one that fucks with me the most. Those are- are the ones where he’s touching and, and doing those fucking- those disgusting things to you. And in my nightmares I just, I just fucking stand there and watch. I watch him hurt you and- and you’re pleading for me to do something, but I’m stuck and I can’t move my stupid feet and I-“ He felt the tears rolling down his temples, soaking the blanket around his head. He tried to breathe, tried to urge his lungs to take in as much oxygen as they could. It hurt... It hurt so fucking bad.

“Jeongin, breathe, baby. You’re getting all worked up again.”

“How could I...” He croaked, pawing feverishly at his eyes till sharp pangs of pain twinged at the corners, “How could I just stand there? When you’re- you’re-“

“It wasn’t real, Jeongie,” Hyunjin soothed, “You can’t control those things. I know from the bottom of my heart that if, if that really did happen that you would do everything in your power to protect me. Just like if anyone, god forbid, tried to lay a hand on you, I’d do the same.”

“You- you would? You promise?”

“Yes! I may have wimpy baby arms, but I can still bite the fuck out of someone when the opportunity presents itself.”

“Feral!” Jeongin laughed wetly, wiping away the remnants of tears that had pooled in the crooks of his eyes. 

“If I have to go absolutely bat shit to protect my lovely and amazing boyfriend then I will. Nobody messes with my Jeongie bunny~” Hyunjin singsonged, probably making that dumb and irritatingly cute pouty face that he knows drives Jeongin crazy.

“You’re so cringey, I actually hate you.”

“Rude! Now I’m never kissing you again.”

“Good, I don’t want whatever rabies you think you have!”

They both giggled at their shared jeers, the sorrow tension in the air gone as soon as it came. They listened to each other’s breaths through the speakers, smiling to themselves as they fell into a cozy silence.

“Hey, Jeongin?” Hyunjin called.

“Yeah?”

“I love you. Nothing is ever gonna change that,” He said firmly.

“I love you too,” Jeongin whispered into the microphone, still too shy to declare it as enthusiastically as Hyunjin could. He could feel the subtle heat of his blush as he cushioned one of his cheeks against his forearm. “Thank you for, uhm, for cheering me up...”

“You sure you don’t want me to come over?”

“Mm... Can you?” He paused, the tingly flush on his cheeks wasting no time spreading to the rest of his face. “I- I kinda wanna, uh, hold you? Or more like, have you hold me...” He let out a soft groan, shoving his face into his blanket to muffle himself. “I- I just want you, I guess.” 

“Cutie!” Hyunjin chirped, high pitched giggles and squeals falling from his lips. The noises crinkled and creaked through the shoddy connection. “I’ll be there in a few, yeah? I’ll bestow upon you the finest cuddles saved specially for this occasion!” He declared with a boisterous laugh.

Jeongin snorted at his dramatics, a fond grin warming his features. “God, never mind, you’re so annoying.”

“No, baby~”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so.... now y’all know wht happened to chris ig. because jeongin had walked in on the aftermath (once chris was alone) it heavily traumatized him. i plan on writing more about chris and jeongin’s dynamic with this, but obv i will never actually write the sa scene because that’s not ? necessary ? and super insensitive imo. idk i just wanna make tht clear.  
> anyways !!!! please lmk if u guys have any requests fr these one shots !!!!! i have a few written down and will write soon :)  
> thank u sm fr reading !!!! lmk wht u thought in the comments pls pls :( ilu guys


	3. most

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> just jeongin being in love at 6 am

“You’re really so beautiful, Hyunjin,” Jeongin whispered, careful not to wake the other as his hand found gentle purchase on the side of his face. He caressed him, the pad of his thumb massaging the subtle highs of his cheekbone. He let out a sigh, the air pushing past his lips and fanning Hyunjin’s own. “I’ll never get tired of waking up beside you.”

Jeongin’s heart nearly leapt to his throat as Hyunjin groaned in his sleep. He unconsciously pressed himself closer to Jeongin, snuggling into the latter’s chest. Jeongin laughed breathily as Hyunjin’s nose nestled against his sternum. Jeongin hummed in content as he hooked his chin atop Hyunjin’s head, tucking it protectively against himself.

During a recent therapy session, he’d come to the conclusion that the idea of verbal affection wasn’t so daunting when he didn’t have to parse with the reaction of it. So, he’s started saying what he feels when his loved ones were deep in slumber. He’d begun with Chris, as he was the easiest since they lived together. At least, he thought so until the friendly little voice in his head reminded him that Chris has suffered with insomnia since they were young. Fortunately, when Chris does crash after his bouts of it, he tends to pass out at the kitchen table. It’s always when he goes to eat that he ends up finally succumbing to his need to sleep.

One morning, Jeongin awoke to Chris lounging about in the kitchen. He futilely attempted to fill a glass with juice, only barely succeeding in not dumping the whole bottle out onto the counter. Once he settled himself in a dining chair at the table, it was only a matter of time before he fell asleep. He took groggy sips from his cup, body swaying dangerously as his eyes kept fluttering shut for inconspicuous amounts of time. After he drank half the glass, he finally allowed himself the luxury of pillowing his head on his folded arms. Soon enough, quiet snores erupted from his sleeping form. Jeongin had laughed, shaking his head in amusement as he placed the glass far enough away so that Chris wouldn’t knock it over in his sleep.

Then, he took his chance.

He carded his fingers through Chris’ hair, brushing the clumped strands from his forehead. He smiled to himself as Chris sighed contently, drool beginning to drip out of the corner of his mouth. Jeongin took a deep breath.

“I love you.”

He’d worried after he did it that somehow, some way, Chris had woken up without him noticing. But he never brought up the incident, happily mulling about the house and babying Jeongin just as he typically would. After that, with newfound confidence, he began to do it to the others. He’d done it to Seungmin during a sleepover, to Felix when he’d taken a nap during their study session, and even to Minho once when he’d fallen asleep while Jeongin drove him home.

So far, the last person on his proverbial list was Hyunjin. Hyunjin, who made his heart pitter and patter with as little as a toothy grin. Who had a glow about him like no other, a soft, beautiful glow that caught the eye of everyone he came across. He wanted to tell him these things, all the thoughts and ideas he’d be too shy to say to him while he was conscious. One day, of course, he planned to tell him like that, but baby steps, right?

“My sweet boy,” Jeongin started, a wistful grin about his lips as he nuzzled into his scalp. “My lovely, darling boy... I love you so much. You make my heart do crazy things. I feel like, like whenever I’m around you that it just- It beats like no other. Like I just ran a mile.”

He pressed a fleeting kiss to Hyunjin’s hair, cradling the back of his head with his free hand. The other was rested snuggly on the base of his spine, right where Hyunjin’s shirt had ridden up just a tad to reveal a sliver of skin. “You have no idea how much I think about you. You’re always on my mind. If I see a flower growing between the cracks of the concrete, I think about how you’d smile and comment about how pretty it is. When I see the sky turn lilac as the sun rises, I think about how that’s your favorite color.”

Jeongin sighed, idly tracing along the knots of Hyunjin’s spine. He smiles, “When I see how the trees flower in the beginnings of spring, I think about how I wanna paint you there one day. I wanna take you to the loveliest part, where the petals have just begun to fall along the sidewalk. I want to kiss you there, in front of the whole world. I want to flaunt you, I guess... Wanna make sure everyone knows that I love you with my whole heart. Because I do. I love you more than anything in the world.”

“I love you too, Jeongin.”

Jeongin’s heart stopped, his hands froze in their places on Hyunjin’s body. He felt his chest contract, his lip wobbling as he realized Hyunjin was awake. He’s awake and he heard him confess all those things. How long had it been since he woke up? How much did he hear him say? _What_ did he hear?

“S’ okay, baby.” Hyunjin raised his head, blinking blearily up at Jeongin. He used the tip of his nose to lazily brush along his jawline. “Don’t worry, you’re alright,” He comforted, a tender hand beginning to rub the tension out of Jeongin’s forearm. “You’re alright, we don’t have to talk about it.”

Jeongin sighed shakily, grasping weakly at Hyunjin’s shirt. “Are you sure?”

Hyunjin nodded, a drowsy grin plastering his sleep muddled features. “Yeah, I’m sure.” He then grazed his lips along Jeongin’s chin, pushing them into it but not enough to warrant calling it a kiss. “Can I kiss you, Jeongie? On the lips?” He muttered, eyes half lidded as each word melded into Jeongin’s skin.

Jeongin felt his face heat, the blush meandering it’s way to his cheeks. He swallowed, “Yes, please.”

Hyunjin laughed, “How polite.” Then he leaned upward to meet Jeongin’s lips. It was a meager thing, both of them too sleepy to make it anything more than a chaste pressing of mouths. When Hyunjin separated them, he bumped their foreheads together. He lovingly stared into Jeongin’s eyes, causing both their hearts to beat erratically in their chests. It was funny, how after all this time they still had that effect on one another.

“I love you.”

“I love you more,” Jeongin challenged, the tiredness finally nipping at the corners of his mind. It made him brash, far more honest than normal. Maybe that was a good thing.

Hyunjin let out a shocked laugh. He pitched forward to peck Jeongin’s lips one last time, smiling fondly as Jeongin’s eyes flittered closed. “I love you most.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i woke up @ 4 am today, wrote this fr 2 hrs, then went back to sleep and it actually fucks ? talent methinks  
> ANYWAYS i hope u guys liked this it’s my fave one so far.... idk if uve noticed but i tend to do one soft chap then one kinda depressing chap. next one is gonna be sorta sad but it’s abt jisung since ik a bunch of y’all asked abt him / wanted to see him !!!!! it’s gonna delve a little deeper into his friendship w jeongin and kinda update u guys on how he is ?? i’m not too sure abt the exact plot of it yet cause the idea is still fuzzy so if u have anything specific u want me to write lmk !!!! i don’t wanna do jisung dirty and have him suffer so expect jeongsung bonding / hurt+comfort at least !!!!!  
> thank u sm fr reading and lmk wht u thought in the comments or in my cc 🥺🥺 id really appreciate it cause lately i’ve been in such a funk and hate everything i’ve written. this is the first piece in like. weeks tht i rly genuinely love  
> and don’t forget i do take requests / prompts fr these one shots !!!! just leave them in the comments or my cc :) ilu and pls stay safe !!!!!!


	4. leave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jeongin’s leaving and hyunjin finds out

Hyunjin grit his teeth, his fingers clutching the phone in his hand so tight he thought he could hear the glass screen crackle. He was livid. Pissed. Fucking raging. But most of all, he felt betrayed. Jeongin had promised him. He fucking promised he wasn’t going to leave him! He felt the tears pour down his cheeks, the droplets forming small pools on the phone screen.

He felt his eye begin to twitch from frustration, from anger, from sadness, from- from _everything!_ How could he be so stupid? So naive? Of course Jeongin would leave! Jeongin had things going for him, things that Hyunjin didn’t. Hyunjin would never amount to anything close to Jeongin. He-

“Hyunjin, hey-“ Jeongin reentered the kitchen, having gone to fetch a new shirt after he accidentally spilled his drink on it. His voice was gentler as he neared Hyunjin, “Oh, sweet boy, why are you crying?”

That only served to increase Hyunjin’s anger, his shoulders filled with so much tension they were stuck in an upwards position, almost like he was in a permanent shrug. “You- you promised me you weren’t gonna leave me,” He choked, tears and sorrowful hiccups overwhelming him.

Jeongin seemed bemused, not following Hyunjin’s train of thought. “I- Yeah, yeah, of course I did. What’s wrong?”

“Then why? Why are you looking at apartments in Baltimore? Why didn’t you- Why didn’t you at least have the decency to tell me!” He suddenly fumed, exaggerated waves of his hands further conveying his emotions. He felt the tears fly off his face from his movements, careening to the floor and to the counter and soaking everywhere they touched.

“How-“ Jeongin’s eyes darted down to the phone in his hand. His phone. He backed away from Hyunjin, eyes narrowed in a fierce glare. “Did you look through my phone?”

“No!” Hyunjin screeched, haphazardly tossing the phone onto the counter. He ignored the sound of it skittering dangerously close to the edge. He felt the tears begin to well again, the pressure behind his eyes soon becoming unbearable to withhold. “You got a call from one of the owners and I figured it was important so I answered for you. She said the space you were looking at just opened up,” He spat, hands now lowered toflex at his sides in an attempt to keep himself in check.

Jeongin visibly deflated, “Hyunjin, it’s not what you think.” He ran an exhausted hand down his face, stopping to pinch the narrow bridge of his nose. “I was looking at apartments for us. _Us_. Me and you.”

Hyunjin’s eyes widened, blinking rapidly in disbelief. “What?”

“I wanted to wait till the space was actually available to tell you this, but- But I got in to my dream college. My top choice!” Jeongin seemed to light up at the prospect, his eyes twinkling with that stunning grin. Hyunjin suddenly felt guilty.

“I didn’t want to tell you because I wasn’t sure if I was going to go there. I needed to see if there was a place for us to stay, or if you even wanted to go with me in the first place,” He explained, “Which you don’t have to, by the way.”

Hyunjin felt the twangs of guilt morph into something far worse. Like the drizzle of rain on a sunny day swiftly turning to a thunderstorm. Cracks and booms of remorse sounded in Hyunjin’s ears. He was an idiot.

“I- I-“

“Don’t feel pressured to agree, Hyunjin. I know I’m asking for a lot,” Jeongin began, approaching Hyunjin with a hesitant step. He placed both of his palms on Hyunjin’s arms, rubbing along them to ease whatever uncertainty he thought Hyunjin possessed. “I applied for a bunch of colleges here too, and I got in to most of them. We can just stay here, if you want to.”

Hyunjin guffawed, “You- you would be willing to reject you dream college just to... To stay with me?”

Jeongin gave him an incredulous look, “Well, yeah? Hyunjin, we both know neither of us would survive without being able to be around each other.” He gave Hyunjin’s forearms a squeeze, brows canted in conviction. “I need to be with you. And I’m not willing to give this relationship up just for a stupid college. I can get a similar, if not the exact same, level of education at one of the other schools I was accepted to.”

“Jeongin, I-“ Hyunjin felt the pin pricks of tears once again brimming in his waterline. He abruptly wrapped his arms around Jeongin, causing him to startle but return the embrace not a second later. “I don’t care where we are, I just wanna be with you. I’ll go with you to Baltimore, I’ll follow you to the ends of the earth if you asked.”

Jeongin laughed, a wet sound emitting from his lips as he buried his face into Hyunjin’s shoulder. He felt his shirt dampening with his tears, but he had no right to complain when he himself was burrowed in Jeongin’s neck. His own tears were moistening Jeongin’s skin and creating an uncomfortable stickiness. He didn’t mind though, not when Jeongin held him like he was priceless. Like he was cherished and treasured and- Like Jeongin loved him more than life itself.

“Hyunnie, if we go to Baltimore, we’ll still see Seungmin all the time. He’s going to that school too! And it’s only a few hours drive so we can come see everyone on the weekends and spend our breaks here.” Jeongin lifted his head to look down at Hyunjin nestled in the crook of his neck, his grip loosening a tad but his arms still staying firmly in place around Hyunjin’s torso. “I don’t know if Felix got in like he wanted, but we’ll still come down to see him whenever we can. Isn’t that nice, baby? And in the summer we’ll come back and stay in your parents house so we can take care of your tree. Minho already agreed to take care of it while we’re away. He’s really good-“

Hyunjin beamed, his smile so wide he felt his cheeks start to ache. “You’re so cute when you ramble, angel.” He laughed as Jeongin’s face flushed a fiery red, the color so vivid it looked akin to a newly blossomed rose. “You were really hoping I’d say yes, huh?” He teased.

Jeongin bat at his chest, cheeks puffed out and lips set in a charming little pout. “I was... I planned tons of stuff out cause I was so excited. I even made sure the apartment I looked at was dog friendly so we could bring Kkami. I can’t bring Berry with us cause she’s technically Chris’, but-“

“We can bring Kkami?!” Hyunjin squealed, immediately lifting Jeongin and spinning him around in glee. “He’s gonna love it! Jeongie, you’re the best!

Jeongin brightened, an amused tumble of laughter falling from his lips as Hyunjin set him back down. “Mhm! There’s even a dog park across the street so he can make friends. And! I made sure there were tons of great trade schools nearby cause I know you wanna go into a trade!”

Hyunjin couldn’t be happier. His mind buzzing with a euphoric fervor. He was starting the foundations of a life with the man he loved so, so much. What more could he ask for? What more could he possibly want?

“Baby, can you show me one of those, like, virtual tours of the apartment? Then we can look at those trade schools you mentioned! You can help me narrow down my choices too.”

Jeongin was nodding before he’d even finished his sentence, taking Hyunjin’s hand and eagerly tugging him to the bedroom. “You’re gonna love it! I know it!”

Hyunjin would love anything as long as Jeongin was by his side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok ik i said the next chap was gonna be jisung centric butttttt theres smth fun and cool in store coming soon so hehehhe >:3c also i wrote 4 one shots in 24 hrs so i’m kinda dying rn but it’s ok  
> anyways i do plan on including more of the characters but the list i have prewritten / requests i have dont rly include them besides chris so i don’t Know what to write besides those ? i’m gonna post another soft chap after this then write the one w chris btw.  
> pls pls pls lmk wht u thought abt this one !!!!! and feel free to request anything u wanna see in these in the comments or on my cc !!!!! ilu guys thank u fr reading


	5. ferrets and foxes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a ferret and a fox fall in love

“You look like a fox,” Hyunjin said suddenly, flopping down so his back was against Jeongin’s chest. Jeongin let out a pained “oof” when the crown of his head clipped Jeongin’s chin.

Jeongin groaned, using a hand to rub the pain from his now thrumming jaw. “I guess I do.” Once the dull ache was satiated, he wrapped his arms around Hyunjin’s shoulders. He felt a preen in his chest as Hyunjin melted back into his touch.

“So pretty~” Hyunjin mused, lifting his hand to lightly caress Jeongin’s forearm. His fingers drew small patterns in the skin, making Jeongin’s lips curl in a small smile. “My pretty fox.”

“Mm...” Jeongin purred, “You know what you look like? A ferret.”

“A ferret?”

“Mhm!” Jeongin gave him a curt nod, though he knew the other couldn’t see it with their positioning. “You’re lanky and your face is so scrunchy and cute when you smile,” As he listed the reasons, he noted how the very tips of Hyunjin’s ears started to turn quite an interesting shade of pink. He instinctively planted a kiss to the shell of one of his ears. “Plus, you’re stinky, so.”

“Hey, I don’t smell!”

“Agree to disagree.”

“Fuck you!” Hyunjin laughed, swatting half heartedly at Jeongin’s shoulder. After he calmed, he settled back against Jeongin’s chest. He grinned as Jeongin linked their hands just above his belly button. “Yknow, foxes are predators so, wouldn’t a fox kill a ferret?”

Jeongin‘s chest rumbled with a pensive hum, “Maybe, but this fox loves a very special ferret. He would do anything to protect that ferret from all the other big mean predators.”

Hyunjin shifted so he was looking up at Jeongin, the back of his head cushioned on his collarbone. “You’d protect me, Jeongie? Even from the biggest baddest predators? Even from the-“ He gave a dramatic shiver, “Seungmins?”

Jeongin barked out a laugh, “Yes, even from the Seungmins.”

Hyunjin leaned up to nose at Jeongin’s jugular, needily nuzzling against the thick vein before giving it a quick peck. “My protector, huh?”

“I’ll always protect you. You’re my sweet baby ferret.” Jeongin started littering Hyunjin’s face in sloppy kisses, making sure to punctuate each love mangled attack with the most obnoxious sounding “mwah!” he could. He swung his legs around Hyunjin’s waist, locking him into place when he noticed him trying to wriggle away. “Mine, mine, mine!”

Hyunjin let out a high pitched stream of giggles and shrieks, his face breaking out into a radiant smile. His eyes crinkled in the corners, the alluring brown color of his irises hidden by the sheer amount of delight he was showing. It made Jeongin’s heart swell. “Jeongie, cut it out! It tickles, it tickles!”

Jeongin gave him one last peck, a slow and soft kiss to his mouth that had Hyunjin chasing his lips for more. Jeongin grinned at the delicate dusting of pink on Hyunjin’s cheeks, the color spreading high on his cheekbones and down his neck.

“More?” Hyunjin asked, nose nudging the slight divot of Jeongin’s cupid’s bow.

Jeongin let out a slow breath through his nose, corners of his mouth upturning in a warm smile. He leaned forward to connect their lips once again, unhooking his legs from where they were crossed over Hyunjin’s stomach. He guided him to sit properly in his lap, chest to chest with each other as their lips melded together in a tender and adoring exchange. Jeongin held fast to Hyunjin’s hips, the latter sinking into him till their hearts beat in tandem. 

They spun countless tales between these kisses; with these kisses. Tales of their past, their present, and their vast future to come. Stories of how they felt and continued to feel, promises of holding those emotions forever. Promises to never forget sealed in the sweet wax of their lips.

Hyunjin separated them first, plump and peach pink lips now a gorgeous shade of apple red. They were coated in a thin sheet of saliva, but Jeongin honestly couldn’t recall how they both got so greedy and messy. Still, Jeongin thought that maybe he should kiss Hyunjin like that more, just to see that color on his darling mouth. Maybe he should make that scene his next piece.

Hyunjin panted softly, cheeks flared to match Jeongin’s. “I love you so much,” He whispered, their lips close enough for Jeongin to feel the words brush against his flesh.

Jeongin slid a hand up to Hyunjin’s hair, deft fingers knotting themselves in the smooth locks. He used the pads of his fingers to massage gentle circles into his scalp. “I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi i feel iffy rn abt my writing so :/ idk. i hope u guys enjoyed this one ! next chap will be chris and jeongin centric   
> i love u all pls stay safe


	6. cat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> why do you do that, by the way?

“Your beauty marks are so pretty, Jeongie.” Hyunjin poked at his new favorite little spot on Jeongin’s body. It was a freckle on his upper arm, one that Jeongin claims he’s had forever, but that Hyunjin never recalled seeing till recently. “If you had a bunch clumped together, I could make a connect the dots drawing out of them. They’d make a pretty star, I think.”

“Too bad I’m not Felix,” Jeongin quipped before continuing his sketch of the room. He’d said he needed to work on background imagery more, but Hyunjin just thinks he’s bored. “It probably wouldn’t be anything spectacular anyways.”

“I’m glad you’re not Felix. He’s cute and all, but he’s nothing compared to you~” He flirted, canting his head to lean against Jeongin’s bare arm. He rubbed his cheek against it, smooshing it till it forced his lips in a half pout. He then lifted his head a tad, gauging Jeongin’s reaction and seeing that he, in fact, did not react at all. He puffed out his cheeks childishly, impatient nature getting the better of him. He ghosted a kiss along Jeongin’s arm, basking in the glee that filled him as goosebumps rose along Jeongin’s skin. In the corner of his eye, he caught the subtle twitch at the corner of Jeongin’s mouth as he fought back a grin. Hyunjin then dragged his lips across the raised flesh then stopped once they landed on what he was looking for. He planted a kiss to his beauty mark, then another, and another till Jeongin started to giggle.

“Hyunnie, that tickles,” Jeongin bit his lip to keep back his laughter, finally pushing aside his sketchbook and pencil. “I can’t work when you rub against me like that, dummy. You’re like a spoiled cat, I swear.” Though there was no bite to his words, only benevolent teasing that earned him a flick to the cheek.

Hyunjin trilled, “Am I a cute cat at least?”

Jeongin snorted, shaking his head in amusement. “The cutest.” He raised a hand to ruffle Hyunjin’s hair, the messy curls flopping all around under his fingers. “Why do you do that, by the way? I’ve always wondered.”

Hyunjin laid his head in Jeongin’s now empty lap. He positioned himself so he was on his back, looking upwards to garner a new view of Jeongin’s elegant features. He grabbed hold of one of Jeongin’s hands, mindlessly playing with his fingers as he spoke, “Cause I noticed you liked to nuzzle against me a lot, especially before we kissed the first time. You- you’d compensate for not being able to kiss me by showing me affection like that. Obviously, we still do it now, but- I guess I wanted my own version? For when you don’t wanna kiss but are still comfortable with other forms of touch.”

Jeongin blinked down at him, lips agape in shock. “You- you do that for me?”

Hyunjin made an offended sound in the back of his throat, “Of course! I’m not, like, gonna force you to kiss me when you don’t wanna! I can show you love in other ways, ways that don’t include triggering you or putting you in positions you don’t want to be in.”

“Hyunjin, do you know how thoughtful you are?”

“Uhm, I guess-“

“No, I’m serious.” Jeongin stared at him intensely, dark eyes shining with sincerity. “You’re so considerate. You always think of ways to make me feel safe and go out of your way to make sure I’m not being put in uncomfortable situations. You- you’re always thinking of others and their emotions. You’re, ah, you’re-” Jeongin let out an exasperated sigh, brows scrunched in frustration as he floundered for the right words. “Fuck, you know I’m stupid and bad with words, but basically what I’m trying to say is: You are the most kindhearted person alive. You’re so sweet and loving and I’m so fucking lucky to have you. I know times like this where I can just- say what I’m thinking are rare, but I love you. I love you a lot and I really truly appreciate everything you do for me. Thank you so much for, just, for being you.”

Hyunjin didn’t know how to respond. He was left speechless, never having gave his actions a second thought after he realized they would be good for Jeongin or anyone else. Just would do them and be content with the warm fuzzy feeling every time they reacted well.

He felt Jeongin’s palms slip onto his cheeks, his touch delicate as he thumbed at his features. He traced his nose, his lips, his jaw, all of the little ridges, bumps, hills, and blemishes of Hyunjin’s skin. Hyunjin felt exposed at the ministrations, but he understood what Jeongin was attempting to convey.

He was irreplaceable.

Jeongin leaned down and pressed a kiss to the tip of his nose. “You’re always calling me an angel, but truthfully I think it’s you who’s the divine one between us. You’re an angel in disguise, my love.”

Hyunjin raised his hand to cup the nape of Jeongin’s neck, pulling him downwards just a smidge further so he could connect their lips. When he pulled back, he gave Jeongin’s nose a gentle nudge with his own. “I guess we both must have done something extraordinary in our past lives to meet our angels, hm?”

Jeongin huffed out a breathy laugh, mimicking the fondness in Hyunjin’s smile. “I guess so.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi i fucked up and forgot i’m doing these in time order but the chan one shot i’m working (almost finished it) on literally has to be after they move in to the apartment together and this is. prior to them moving and i already wrote it like last week so ??? anyways. chan one will be Soon prolly either next update or the one after i have 2 check wht else i already did cause there’s a few kshcksj   
> also pls leave comments or ccs to lmk wht u think !!!! kudos r also heavily appreciated !!!!!!!!!!! and remember u can always request smth to see !!!!!!!!!!


	7. call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> he’s watching me
> 
> (requested by anon)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING  
> this chapter consists of panic attacks and paranoia. it also alludes to chris’ past sexual assault. please do not read this if you are triggered by or sensitive to these topics. stay safe and thank you for reading this warning.

Jeongin awoke to the shrill ring of his phone, the sound grating his ears and coaxing a low groan of disapproval from his throat. He blindly swung his arm out, palm smacking against the wood as he felt around the bedside table. He had one arm trapped beneath Hyunjin, the latter adhered to his side. He had to wriggle free of his iron clad grip to sit himself up, finding his phone had rung so many times the vibrations had sent it to the floor. Jeongin cringed as he lifted the still ringing device, but blew a sigh of relief from his nostrils when he saw the screen damage free. He then noticed the caller id: Chris.

He quickly answered the call, a feeling of dread washing over his sheet imprinted skin as he hesitantly held the phone to his ear. “Hello?”

He heard hoarse pants, panicked crackles and muffled sobs flowing from the speaker. “Jeong? Jeong, I- I think he’s watching. He’s watching me. I can, can feel him watch-watching!” Chris exclaimed, “Not safe... I’m not safe. He’s gonna-“

“Chrissy, listen to me, Chris. He’s not watching you, he can’t be.” He tried to play into Chris’ rational side. “He’s up in Maine, remember? Far, far away from you. You are safe. He’s not going to hurt you.”

“But- But I saw- Saw him...” Chris’ voice lilted, almost uncertain of his own words; his own perception. “He was in my window... He was there, I know it!”

“Chris, you’re on the second floor. There’s no trees for him to climb to reach your window. He wasn’t there, I promise.”

He heard a sharp crack, then a frustrated slam of skin on something hard. “Why won’t you believe me?!” He shouted, causing Jeongin to flinch away from his phone. “He was- He was _here_! I-“

“You had a night terror again, didn’t you? Chrissy, you know how real those can seem, but that’s just it... They’re not real. You’re alright, and he’s not there. He’s still in prison, and he’s gonna stay there for a very long time.”

“I- I... Couldn’t move... He was there...”

“You were paralyzed, right?”

“Yes.”

“That’s what happens with night terrors,” He explained carefully, patience wearing thin. He knew Chris was petrified, but he was so, so tired. He’d spent all day unpacking him and Hyunjin’s new apartment. His muscles ached, and his head screamed for a wink of rest. But he was painfully aware this was more important. “It’s what makes them so scary. Remember you’ve had them before?”

“Yes... Yeah, I do, but-“

Jeongin closed his eyes, willing himself to hold onto the last shred of tolerance he had for this. “Chrissy, do you want me to come home?”

Silence enveloped him, the crinkling sound of white noise all he heard. He almost thought Chris hung up.

“Please? Just for a day, I promise. I’ll be-“

Jeongin sighed, “I’ll stay for the weekend, yeah? I’ve got nothing better to do.”

“Really, Jeong, you don’t-“

“I’m serious. I’m coming down. I’ll be there in a couple hours, okay?”

Jeongin certainly didn’t want to drive all the way down there, but he knew Chris would do the same if he needed it. His brother was scared, and although this was definitely not what he wanted to do at 2 am, he knew it was for the best. He loved him, and he wasn’t cruel enough to make him suffer through this alone.

“Okay...” Chris relented, “Hey, Jeongin?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m sorry for this. I’ve never been apart from you since my assault. You’ve made me feel safe, you’ve taken care of me even though I’m the one who’s supposed to be doing that for you. I’m your big brother, but you’re the one who’s looked after me all this time. Even now, when you’re following your dreams you’re still coming back to help me and I- It’s not fair to you. I’ve become too dependent on you.”

Jeongin thought carefully. Chris was right, but Jeongin admittedly had the same problem. They were both agonizingly codependent on each other. They’d grown to rely on one another instead of anyone else, rejecting all other options regardless of who or what they were. It wasn’t healthy.

“You have, I am too. We need to learn to let others in, but for right now, I- I think it’s okay.” Jeongin swallowed, peering back to gaze at Hyunjin’s sleeping form. He brushed a hand through his bangs, clearing the overgrown strands off his forehead so he could better study his features. His face was slack, mouth ajar as he breathed in softly. He couldn’t help the smile forming on his lips as Hyunjin unconsciously keened into his fingers. “We’re both going to have to learn to live separately from one another, but that doesn’t mean we’ll be eradicated from each other’s lives. I’ll always be a call away.”

There was a pause, “Me too. I’ll always be here for you.”

“I know, Chrissy,” He whispered as Hyunjin’s eyes fluttered open. Hyunjin slinked a hand up to grip Jeongin’s wrist, thumb circling his pulse point. “I’ll see you soon, yeah?”

“Yeah, I’ll see you... I love you.”

“I love you too, Chris.”

Jeongin quickly hung up, cheeks flushing red at his scrunched his face at his words. It was still too embarrassing to say, especially with Hyunjin listening to every word he uttered.

“Was that Chan?” Hyunjin drowsily asked, cheek cushioned and cutely smooshed by Jeongin’s other hand. “Is he okay?”

Jeongin shook his head, “He’s having night terrors again. I’m gonna go down and see him for the weekend... Do you wanna come? We can bring Kkami.”

Hyunjin raised an eyebrow, “So soon? It’s only our 3rd day here.”

Jeongin huffed out a sigh, guiltily chewing on his bottom lip. “I know, I know. I’m sorry.”

Hyunjin shrugged, but the irritated wrinkle in his forehead didn’t dissipate. “It’s fine. Just- Call me when you get there, okay?”

Jeongin used his free hand to smooth out the crease between his brows. His touch was tender, grateful as he did so. “I will, Hyunnie. I’m really sorry for this.”

Hyunjin grunted with strained effort as he pushed himself up, pressing his lips to Jeongin’s in a chaste kiss. “It’s okay, baby, I promise. I’m just cranky cause now I have to unpack everything by myself,” He complained, lips pushed out in a pout.

Jeongin snorted, “How are your dad noises even adorable?”

“You are diseased,” Hyunjin laughed, flopping back down on his back and snuggling underneath the covers once more. “Bring me back a crepe, bitch.”

Jeongin leant down to plant a kiss to his forehead, smiling against the skin before he pulled away. “Yes, your highness.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HIIIII this is technically only part of the request cause i plan on writing more abt chris and jeongin’s relationship but !!!! i hope u guys liked it nonetheless.  
> lmk wht u thought in the comments or in my cc and u can send more reqs there too !!!!! pls leave kudos too if u can and ill die fr u  
> updates might be slow from now on btw cause i started work again but i’ll still update when i can !!!!! pls have a good weekend ilu


	8. sleep well

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hyunjin has a bad night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING  
> panic attacks are described / experienced by a character.

“Hyunjin, it’s time to get up, babydoll.” Hyunjin was rested on his side, his back to Jeongin so he couldn’t see his face. Jeongin placed his hand on the curve of Hyunjin’s hip, sliding his palm along the exposed skin. It seemed Hyunjin had shed his shirt during the night, revealing his broad back and chest in all their glory. He felt sticky with sweat, the moisture making their skin drag against one another. Jeongin was careful as his fingertips grazed along the remnants of Hyunjin’s scars, the protruding skin rough and tattered under the pads of his fingers. His ribs were prominent under the thin layers of flesh; he hadn’t been eating properly lately. He felt Hyunjin bristle beneath his palm, his hair standing on end and tension seeping into his muscles. 

Jeongin scooted closer to him so he could press his mouth to Hyunjin’s shoulder blade, the skin uncharacteristically hot under his chapped lips. “Cmon, sleepy boy, we have to go out and run errands today.”

Hyunjin grumbled, curling his legs towards himself to make himself smaller amidst the large bed. He had his arms pinned to his chest, body furled in a fetal position. His hair was pointed to and fro, cowlicks sticking up from the side and matted tangles in the back. It shined underneath the faint sunlight, the sweat creating large amounts of oil slicking the strands.

It was rare for Hyunjin not to have a restful nights sleep, with him being a heavy sleeper and his dreams usually forgotten mere moments after he awakes. He’d always be the one to wake others with his snores or leave pools of dried spit caked on any surface he slept on. This sudden deviation worried Jeongin, a pit of uneasiness bubbling in the deepest dwells of his stomach.

“Hyunnie, are you alright?” He asked softly, a twinge of concern lilting in his voice. He braced himself on his elbow to peer over Hyunjin’s shoulder. He gasped, immediately sitting himself up and laying a hand on Hyunjin’s wet cheek. He had tear stains trailing down his nose and temples, his pillow soaked from how long he must have been crying. Jeongin tilted Hyunjin’s face towards him, his brows knit together in worry. 

“What’s wrong? Did you have a nightmare, baby?” He cooed, thumbing at the fresh teardrops forming in his agitated waterline.

Hyunjin nodded his head, the motion jerky and robotic. His eyes looked hollow, empty shells of their typical magnificence. They were red and he had heavy bags piled under them. He looked like he’d been through hell.

Jeongin leant down, affectionately bumping their foreheads together in an effort to comfort the other. He lightly nudged the tip of his nose along the bridge of Hyunjin’s. “Wanna talk about anything? I’m here to listen.”

Hyunjin sniffled, shifting to his back so he didn’t have to crane his neck to look at him. He moved his arms apprehensively, seemingly debating on where he could put them. They hovered above Jeongin’s waist, wary doe eyes glinting in the filtered light of the blinds as he gazed up at Jeongin.

“Go ahead, Hyunnie, it’s alright.” He used his own hand to guide Hyunjin’s to his torso, the latter instantly wrapping both arms around him and tugging him close. Jeongin laid flat atop Hyunjin’s chest, but was still positioned high enough to cradle Hyunjin’s head underneath his chin. He placed gentle kisses to the crown of his head, his nose nestled in the oily mass of his hair. It still smelled of linen. “How about we reschedule those errands, hm? I think a nice day in bed cuddling with my favorite boy in the universe sounds much more entertaining.”

Hyunjin let out a quiet giggle, hoarse yet endearing. The sound spread warmth on Jeongin’s collarbone. “I- I think I’d like that,” He replied, nestling into Jeongin. “Can we marathon Hannibal too?”

Jeongin nodded, “Anything you want.”

“Can I... Can I have a kiss?” He asked, removing his face from the comfortable crook of Jeongin’s neck. His voice wavered, “Please, Jeongie?” 

Jeongin gave him a swift peck to his forehead, earning a disgruntled moan from Hyunjin. Jeongin chuckled, then silenced his lovable little whines with a sweeter kiss to his lips. When they parted, Jeongin made sure to give him one last peck to satiate any more tantrums.

“Better?”

Hyunjin grinned, a dim glimmer returning to his eyes. “Yeah, much better... Is it okay if we talk now? About my nightmare?”

Jeongin nodded, readjusting himself in Hyunjin’s arms so his weight wasn’t crushing him. He laid on his side, arm draped across Hyunjin’s midsection. “Whenever you’re ready.”

Hyunjin gulped, swallowing thickly as he unconsciously moved closer to Jeongin. “It was about the... the time I got locked in that shed when I was younger. Remember how I told you about that?”

Jeongin nodded once again, vigorously stomping down the anger he felt at the thought of someone doing that to Hyunjin, let alone a child version of Hyunjin.

Jeongin had always had a protective streak, he’d showcased it early on to Hyunjin in high school, a mere year ago. But even before that, with Chris’ assault... He’d garnered a penchant for fiercely guarding those he loved. He would turn to violence, even vandalism, and other petty misdemeanors if it meant keeping those people safe.

It’d gotten better recently, though. Hyunjin never liked when he got hurt, or risked his future on a stupid comment made by some creep on the street or in the grimy bars and clubs his brother’s band would play at down in Jersey. Still, Jeongin would sneer and bare his teeth whenever anyone would slink a hand too close or stare too long.

The same went for now, his protective traits whirring to life at the memory of those kids harming Hyunjin. Of course, he knew they were just children then and they probably deeply regretted what they did now. Yet, he couldn’t help the vexation he had for those who committed such an atrocity against his boyfriend. He couldn’t help the need to hold Hyunjin close, to shield him from all the unsavory things in the world. He knew that last part wasn’t as feasible though.

Hyunjin darted his tongue out to moisten his lips, curling back into his ball against Jeongin’s side. He held onto his arm with both hands, his fingernails creating harsh crescent shaped indentations in Jeongin’s skin. He fought back the urge to wince. 

“You okay? You don’t have to tell me if you’re not ready. Don’t trigger yourself.”

Hyunjin rested his forehead against Jeongin’s shoulder, breaths hoarse as he tried to calm himself. “It’s just- In, in my nightmare it was you. You and Seungmin and Felix all locking me in... All of you laughing at me and- and banging on the sides of the shed to scare me. I was so afraid, so fucking scared and I kept- I kept calling for you and begging for you to let me out, but you wouldn’t come... You wouldn’t come save me, and the flies started-“ His eyes became frantic, flashing about the room before clamping shut. He kept jolting, violent tremors making his lithe frame convulse. “Fuck, fuck! It smelled so bad and they- They started landing on me- They’re landing on me and crawling in my ears and mouth and the buzzing is so loud! So loud, so loud! Why? Why is it so loud?! Make it stop!” Hyunjin pleaded, “Make it stop! Make it stop!”

Hyunjin’s breathing became ragged, rapid huffs that made him cough and sputter for air. He pounded at Jeongin’s chest with one hand, the other still digging into his arm. Jeongin felt his skin give way, the thick layers breaking from the tightness of Hyunjin’s hold on his arm. Hyunjin started to claw at it, his distressed pants and blunt nails all Jeongin could perceive. He began to bleed.

“Hey, sit up, baby, you gotta sit up,” Jeongin insisted, ignoring the pain shooting up his forearm and chest, and helping Hyunjin lift himself into a seated position. “Good job, Hyunnie, now breathe. Deep breaths,” He coaxed, his free hand now settled on the small of Hyunjin’s back. He still held Jeongin’s other in a vice, bloody fingernails and flaking skin. Jeongin babbled soft praises every time he heaved out a steady breath, sweet nothings filling the stagnant air of their bedroom. “That’s amazing, my lovely boy, doing so well for me. You’re doing a great job. I’m so proud of you.”

Hyunjin whimpered, watery eyes flittering around till they found what they were looking for. He reached out with quivering fingers, desperately grasping at Jeongin’s hand. Jeongin gave him a small smile, giving his fingers a soothing squeeze.

“I’m right here, I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere, yeah?” He assured, rubbing his thumb along Hyunjin’s bony knuckles. “I’ll protect you, sweet boy. Don’t worry about a thing, just breathe.”

Hyunjin shuddered, his body rattling and skin prickling with goosebumps. “Cold...” He suddenly murmured.

Jeongin felt a tug at the corner of his mouth. Hyunjin was still so precious, even now. Innocent and loving and just so, so Hyunjin. Jeongin released his hand, though Hyunjin immediately tried to grasp it again the second he did. Jeongin rushed to unzip his hoodie to blanket his shoulders. He adjusted it so it hung off his frame just right, covering as much skin as possible without him having to put his arms through the sleeves. Jeongin then tilted his head so Hyunjin could meet his eyes. “Better now?”

Hyunjin nodded, gripping the sides of the hoodie tightly and bringing it up to his nose. He breathed in, probably soaking in the scent. He seemed to calm from it. Still, he seemed too spooked to properly wear it, but at least he wasn’t shivering anymore.

“Do you wanna cuddle for awhile? What do you need, my love?”

Hyunjin sighed shakily, turning his body so he could careen into Jeongin’s side. “Just hold me till the buzzing goes away,” He whispered.

Jeongin instantly embraced him, holding his broken boy so tight he prayed it would mend his pieces. He knew better than anyone that it wasn’t that simple, though. 

Regardless, he would give Hyunjin whatever he asked. Whatever he needed or wanted till his gorgeous smile returned, and even after that. He would stand by his side and ease him back out of this no matter how long it took, no matter how many times he’d have to repeat it. Hyunjin helped him through so much, whether he realized it or not, and now it was his turn to do the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi i rly like this one and it’s very cute. i hope u guys enjoy !!!! lmk wht u thought !!!!!! and send requests pls 🥺🥺🥺


	9. friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jisung and jeongin are friends :)
> 
> more jisung requested by anon

“So, this is where you went?” Jeongin called, his voice gentle upon the dim walls. He shot a friendly, unassuming grin at the fidgeting figure settled among the vast pillows and throw cushions. “I was worried where you’d ran off to, Sungie.”

He hadn’t physically seen or spoken to Jisung since he’d moved to Baltimore a few weeks back. He came back down to Jersey with Hyunjin to visit his parents, the latter excitedly boasting about how his parents thought wonders of Jeongin already. Their dinner was tomorrow night, but now they were at a small gathering for Changbin’s birthday party. Jisung had been invited, much to Seungmin and Chris’ chagrin. Hyunjin wasn’t too pleased about the matter either, but unlike the others he wouldn’t stir up trouble where it needn’t arise.

Jisung had gotten... Flustered, maybe? He wasn’t sure of how to describe it. One minute he was laughing and chugging down beer after beer with Changbin, then the next he was flighty. Flighty, and frightened. His eyes were peeled open wide, erratic as they scanned the large dining hall. Jeongin had observed his fitful movements from across the room, chattering with Hyunjin and Felix as they awaited Changbin to come bid them a drunken greeting.

Jisung had disappeared rather abruptly. Jeongin only looking away to smile at his friends for a mere moment before returning his gaze to where Jisung had been. Jeongin thought it was odd. He’d known Jisung long enough to recognize when he was slowly becoming overwhelmed. He gave Hyunjin a quick pat to the small of his spine to garner his attention, angling upwards to whisper in his ear that he was going to find Seungmin, instead. He didn’t need Hyunjin’s kindled jealousy rearing its ugly head just yet. Hyunjin nodded and pressed his lips to Jeongin’s cheek in a swift goodbye.

That was how he wound up here, darkness obscuring his vision and a tottering shadow perched on an obscenely decorated bed in Changbin’s spare bedroom. Jeongin took his time approaching him, giving him the chance to refuse his presence. He didn’t want to further worsen his condition, to send him so deep into sensory overload he simply stopped functioning. A catatonic Jisung was not a fun Jisung, after all. Jeongin knew that all too well.

“Jisungie,” He started, voice soft and welcoming. It drifted among the air and flowed freely to Jisung. He lifted his head, raw bitten fingernails tapping his shoeless ankles atop the bed. “Can I sit next to you? It’s okay to say no.”

He waited a beat, almost stalling his movements completely before Jisung jerkily nodded. He brought a hand up to his lips, rhythmically tapping his fingers along his bottom one. It was torn and bitten bloody. 

Jeongin cooed, sitting himself beside Jisung. “Hey, now, when’d that happen?”

Jisung didn’t answer, shifting his eyes down to Jeongin’s right hand. Jeongin saw a glimmer in his peripheral, the light from the hallway reflecting off his bracelet. It was made of hemp and had three large beads on it, evenly spaced. Jisung stared intently at it.

“Do you wanna hold it, Sung?” Jeongin unclasped the bracelet from his wrist, holding it out for Jisung to take. “Felix and I were practicing making these on Facetime a few weeks back,” He explained, if only to fill the space between them.

It felt weird not hearing Jisung speak to him, but he didn’t mind. It wasn’t his right to force him to talk, they could communicate just fine like this. Sure, it was difficult limiting things to yes or no questions at first, as he’s used to lengthy rants and spiels from his friends and from Jisung himself. Jisung was naturally boisterous and bubbly, Jeongin the same. So he knew; he knew something was amiss when he acted like this. But he wouldn’t push him. This dynamic made Jisung feel safer, kept him within his bounds. That was what mattered.

Jisung gave Jeongin a quizzical and timid look, almost too afraid to take the bracelet from his palm. He hesitantly lifted his hand, slowly plucking the trinket from Jeongin’s. His finger pads grazed the smooth beads, rubbing them between his thumb and forefinger. He did the same thing to each bead, twisting it between his fingers then squeezing the braided thread connecting them. He seemed fascinated by them, thoroughly enjoying the textures and sensations from the bracelet.

Jeongin beamed, a sense of pride swarming in his belly at the sight. Jisung visibly seemed more content now, his previous jitters begone. They sat in a cozy silence, Jeongin satisfactorily watching Jisung’s ministrations. They could still hear the bustle of the party downstairs, the raucous laughter and shouts bouncing up the dusty vents.

“They’re so loud,” Jisung suddenly remarked, his tone hushed as he scowled. He gave the messily wound threads of the bracelet a sudden squeeze. “It fucks with my head.”

Jeongin trilled in understanding, idly swinging his feet as he braced himself back on his palms. “Sounds like a frat party. Fitting for Changbin‘s fuckboy aesthetic.”

Jisung snickered, a twinge of a smile at the corner of his lips. “He should lose the tight black tshirts. He doesn’t even like black, he only wears them for Felix.”

“Felix only thinks the tight part is hot, oh my god,” Jeongin groaned, rolling his eyes and lulling his head back in irritation. “Changbin could wear, like, a shitty golf polo and Felix would swoon.”

“That’s what I told him, but he’s stupid,” Jisung harrumphed, a pout set on his scabbing lips.

“Hey,” Jeongin began, leaning over to catch Jisung’s eyes. He gestured with a finger to his own lips. “You should stop doing that, bro. You’re hurting yourself.” 

Jisung’s brows furrowed in confusion, mimicking Jeongin’s action and jolting at the sudden pain. He sighed, “I know, I don’t realize it though. It always happens when I’m too peeved out.”

“I get it. It’s something you can’t control.”

Jisung nodded, quiet for a beat, then abruptly angled his body into Jeongin’s side. His head fell on his shoulder with a bump, fingers mindlessly fumbling with the bracelet once more. “I feel like I can’t control anything anymore, Jeong.”

Jeongin startled at the unannounced contact, his tension soon molted into empathy, however. He looped an arm around Jisung’s shoulders, giving him a tight squeeze to make him snort. “It’s okay to feel like that, yknow. You’re not alone. And you can always reach out when you’re feeling like everything’s too much or spiraling too far.” He squished his cheek atop the crown of Jisung’s head, ruffling the side of his scalp with his hand. “I’m here for you, dumbass.”

Jisung chuckled, easing into Jeongin’s embrace with a soft smile. “I’m glad we’re still friends, you stupid bitch.”

Jeongin cackled, beaming into the fluffy locks of Jisung’s hair. “Me too, you dumb bastard.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI IK ITS SHORT i couldn’t rly think of Wht 2 write so i just waited till inspiration struck and it made This.  
> lmk wht u guys think cause ik plenty of u always commented abt jisung in peach tree !!!!!!! he is just a nasty boy whom i love.  
> send requests if u want as well !!!! have a nice day !!!!!!!


	10. friends (continued)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hyunjin goes to find jeongin

“Is he asleep?” Hyunjin whispered, slipping through the crack of the door. He let it click close softly behind him, careful not to wake Jeongin who laid sprawled on the bed. Jisung had his head cushioned on his pec, molded into his side. He had something in his hand, rolling it between his fingers. Hyunjin bit back the urge to deride him, scornful when he realized it was Jeongin’s handmade bracelet. “What were you two doing up here? We were worried about where he went.”

Jisung shrugged, staring down at the bracelet as he curved his legs to ball himself against Jeongin. “Just talking,” He mumbled, his calf draped haphazardly over Jeongin’s thigh.

Hyunjin wordlessly approached the bed, glowering at the skinship on display. It was like Jisung knew just how to get on his nerves, how to irk him to his very core.

It wasn’t that he loathed Jisung, no, it certainly wasn’t that. It was that Jisung felt entitled to every little thing, to copious amounts of time and energy just to throw it back in his friends faces. He would call Jeongin late at night every once in awhile, jabbering his ear off over god knows what. Jeongin would sit on the deck in the middle of the night, the moon hung high in the glittering sky, and speak with him, leaving Hyunjin chilly and yearning in their big lonely bed. The hills in the sheets and the quiet snores of Kkami weren’t much of a comfort like the snug embrace of his angel. Jisung had no right to strip that away.

Okay, maybe he did hate Jisung more than he let on. He was envious of him in a way. He got to talk to his boyfriend all night long, till the sun kissed Jeongin’s pretty nose and dainty features. Till Hyunjin had risen from their bed to make him a cup of something hearty. Jeongin would quietly thank Hyunjin, but shoo him away so he could listen to that- _that annoying asshole’s_ ramblings! It filled him with a riddling sourness. A bitter and nasty thing that squelched and churned inside Hyunjin’s stomach like an ugly, festering infection.

“We didn’t do anything, yknow.” Jisung soiled his daze, shattering it like a fist colliding head on with a mirror. Tactless and impulsive. “He loves you too much.”

Hyunjin knelt on the bed beside Jeongin, the mattress dipping under the heft of his weight. He slotted his fingers into Jeongin’s curling tresses, gently combing the strands with practiced ease. “I know he does. I love him just as much.”

Jisung sat himself up, hip still flush to Jeongin’s side. “You better, I’ll kill you if you treat him bad.” He swiped his tongue along his bottom lip, eyes narrowed in a cringe. He seemed... In pain. “And I hope you know, I’d never try to home wreck you.”

Hyunjin gaped, his movements stilling and earning a disheartened whine from Jeongin’s slumbering figure. “What are you talking about?”

Jisung gave him an incredulous look, “Listen, I can’t read certain social cues well, but I can tell clear as fucking day that you’re always on your shit around me because Jeongin and I used to be a thing.” He scoffed, shaking his head in agitation. He turned to face the wall. “Even if I did still have feelings for him —which I don’t because it’s been, like, 3 entire years— I would never try to sabotage your relationship. He’s my friend. He’s- He’s one of the only friends I have left. I would never take away someone who makes him as happy as you do.”

Hyunjin opened his mouth to reply, but no sound would utter from the dry pits of his throat. He clamped his lips shut, ears red hot from the embarrassment. He hadn’t realized how evident his jealousy had been.

“I’m sorry for taking his time tonight. I-“ Jisung breathed out a warbled sigh, the huff of air deflating him like a balloon. His shoulders sagged, spine bent as he hunched over his knees. “I had a bad... _Reaction_. He noticed and came to help. Please, don’t be mad at him for that.”

“Mad at wha-?” Jeongin drowsily asked, scrubbing his eyes with the back of his hand. He sat up, albeit with a little trouble. He noticed Hyunjin’s added presence and shot him a gummy, lopsided smile. “When did you get here, sweet boy?” He pressed himself against Hyunjin, rubbing his bloated cheek against his shoulder. 

Hyunjin’s lips twitched, peeling back in a fond grin. “Not long ago, baby.”

“You two should head home before Jeongin passes out on the carpet,” Jisung quipped, skillfully dodging Jeongin’s grabby hands towards his shirt.

“Give me a hug goodbye, you mean bitch,” Jeongin demanded with an adorable pout and puffed out cheeks. Hyunjin reached out to pinch one of them, immediately being granted a smack to his thigh.

Jisung dramatically moaned out, “Fiiiiine!” He angled downwards to slink his arms around Jeongin’s middle, letting out an oof as Jeongin threw his arms around his neck and squeezed tight.

Hyunjin snickered at the cracking of Jisung’s joints as he straightened himself back out. “Stop working out if you’re gonna hug me like that. I don’t wanna die this young yet.”

Jeongin shrugged, canting back into Hyunjin and leaning on his shoulder. “Maybe you shouldn’t have such pussy ass bones.”

Jisung snorted, sending a swift middle finger his way. “Bitch. Goodnight.”

“Night, Sungie. Text me when you get home!”

Jisung waved him off, exiting the room with a mumbled, “Yeah, yeah.”

After a few silent moments, Jeongin glanced up at Hyunjin, starry eyes flittering with restrained fret. Hyunjin wrapped an arm around his waist, tucking him into the divot of his side. He used his free hand to hook a stray lock of hair behind Jeongin’s ear. “What’s on your mind?”

Jeongin’s gaze softened, brows knit slightly as he leaned forward to ghost the tip of his nose along Hyunjin’s jawline. It was cautious movements, hesitant ministrations as he gently bumped their heads together. “Are you angry with me for leaving you downstairs?”

Hyunjin thought back to Jisung’s words. How he was so adamant about taking the blame. It’d always been in Jeongin’s nature to cater to others, whether they were strangers or beloved confidants. He couldn’t find it in himself to assign him the blame. He also... Couldn’t help to find an absurd sympathy for Jisung. He cared for Jeongin, truly, even if he fucked up a few times. Maybe he wasn’t all bad, but he definitely didn’t like him. He just despised him a little less.

“No, Jeongie. I’m angry cause I missed the cuddle party.” Hyunjin punctuated his teasing with a peck to his forehead.

Jeongin giggled against his skin, soft puffs of warm air speckling his chin. “There’s an after party, yknow. And it turns out you’re invited.”

Hyunjin hummed, mouthing tender kisses along Jeongin’s hairline. “How lucky am I?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi i decided to add more but from hyunjin’s sexy perspective.  
> anyways. lmk wht u thought !!!! jeongsung besties ft hyunjin


	11. pick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jeongin picks at his skin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING  
> this chapter contains self harm / skin picking mentions. none is intensely described or shown. still, please do not read if you are sensitive to these topics. please stay safe.

“My love~” Hyunjin crooned, nestling his chin upon Jeongin’s shoulder. He placed his hands on his hips, giving them a subtle squeeze. He giggled at the little jolt Jeongin gave at his prodding. “Jeongie, what have you been staring at so long, hm?” He pouted as Jeongin gently pushed his hands away.

“Nothing, Hyunjin.” Jeongin pressed his lips in a tight smile, grinning at Hyunjin in the mirror. Hyunjin didn’t like that smile. “Just spaced out.”

He could tell he was lying. He never liked when Jeongin lied to him; it was against their agreement. Their deal to always tell the other when things were difficult, but not delve into the details if they weren’t ready. It was a promise that kept them going, kept them together when communication was such a burdensome thing to wrangle between them.

He didn’t want to force Jeongin to talk to him, didn’t want to broach a subject when Jeongin clearly didn’t have the heart to. But it hurt, knowing that he felt like he couldn’t go to Hyunjin and for him to disregard their promise.

“Hyunnie?” Jeongin called, shifting so he was facing him, the small of his back pressed against the bathroom counter. He couldn’t meet Hyunjin’s eyes. “Can we go lay down? I’m tired.”

Hyunjin sighed, taking in the fragile man in front of him. Jeongin wasn’t himself tonight. His hands were shaking as they fumbled with the hem of Hyunjin’s sweatshirt, tugging and worrying at the fabric. His eyes, oh, his eyes... They were dull, pretty starlight dimmed to a desolate glimmer. A dismal glistening that could be overlooked if not for a skilled eye. He wished to fill those beautiful eyes with the loveliest of constellations.

Hyunjin shot him a smile, just a measly little thing to show his support. He wouldn’t press him tonight, not when he’s like this. Not when he looked like he would shatter like a tea cup if Hyunjin even looked at him wrong. “Of course. Come on, baby.”

It’d been days since Hyunjin had caught Jeongin in that peculiar moment in the bathroom. He was acting normally now, allowing Hyunjin to touch and kiss him as he pleased. Of course, there was the whining and pouts and shouts of _too much, too much!_ but that was, again, the norm for them. What can he say, he’s clingy.

Still, neither man had brought up Jeongin’s foul mood from earlier in the week. Hyunjin figured he’d sorted it out on his own, but he continued to keep an eye on his boy nonetheless. For now, he was content showering Jeongin in all the affection he could. Perhaps making up for lost time, you could say.

“Jeongie, look here!” Hyunjin poked incessantly at Jeongin’s arm. “Please, look! Look!”

Jeongin ignored him, leaning back against the pillows as he fiddled with his phone. Meanie.

After a few more minutes of Hyunjin’s tantrum, Jeongin finally tossed his phone to the side, gazing down at Hyunjin with those starry little eyes. He rested his head against the bed frame as he reached out a hand to cup Hyunjin’s cheek. His lips curled into a fond smile as Hyunjin keened into the warmth of his palm.

He loved when Jeongin touched him like that. Like he could feel his adoration and his endearment and everything Jeongin felt for him in that single action. In that brushing of skin, that addictive look in his eye when he gazed at Hyunjin.

He never wanted to lose it, to lose the love that Jeongin held for him. Because... Because being in love with Jeongin, well, it truly was like being under a spell. It filled him with a sense of euphoria no other could replicate. Everything about Jeongin captivated him in ways he never thought possible. It just felt... right. And knowing that Jeongin felt the same, had the same thoughts and the same feelings about Hyunjin that he has for him it just- It’s indescribable.

Jeongin pressed his thumb into the puffy flesh of Hyunjin’s cheek, poking and prodding at it till he focused back in. “You wanted my attention, baby boy. What is it?”

Hyunjin hummed in mock thought, head cocked to the side like a curious puppy. “I think... I want a kiss.”

Jeongin raised his eyebrows, clearly unconvinced, “Oh, really? Is that all? My baby made all that fuss and all he wants is a kiss?”

Hyunjin broke into a grin, excitedly crawling into Jeongin’s lap and unceremoniously plopping down on his thighs. “Maybe I-“

“Hyunjin, get off,” Jeongin voice strained as he spoke, pushing roughly at Hyunjin’s thighs to try to shove him from his lap. “Please, get off me-“ His eyes began to water, voice raising in panic. Hyunjin immediately fell backward onto the mattress to remove himself Jeongin. 

Hyunjin scrambled around to Jeongin’s side, hands finding purchase on his cheeks so he could swipe the tears building in his lashes. “Baby, baby, what happened? Did I hurt you? Did I trigger you?”

Jeongin sniffled, wrapping his hands around Hyunjin’s lean forearms. “I- It’s not your fault, please, don’t think it’s your fault,” He rambled, tears overflowing from the ducts faster than Hyunjin could dry them. “I- I didn’t, I didn’t mean to! I’m sorry, Hyunnie, I- I’m so sorry!”

Hyunjin didn’t understand, didn’t know what he was blubbering about. “Jeongin, hey, you didn’t do anything wrong-“

“I hurt myself!” Jeongin shouted, collapsing in on himself as he tucked his limbs to his chest. Hyunjin still kept his hands firmly planted on his cheeks, forcing him to look at him whether he liked it or not. 

Hyunjin’s chest felt hollow, like all the wind was swept from his body. He didn’t notice. He knew something was wrong, but didn’t bother to check in. He thought it was fine. It was fine. It was perfectly fine until- until it wasn’t.

“I started picking at my scar and I- I kept going and going. I... I can’t- I can’t stop it, it’s like- like how I was when I was little. Wh- When I would mess with, with my skin and my scabs till they had to wrap gauze around my fingers...” Jeongin sniffled, pausing to meet Hyunjin’s eyes. “I’m sorry. I- I failed you, Hyunnie. I’m sorry... I’m so sorry!” Jeongin cried, his head falling against Hyunjin’s shoulder. His body heaved, molding into Hyunjin’s as he clung to him. “I didn’t wanna, didn’t wanna tell you cause I thought you’d be disappointed in me.“

“Jeongin, stop that,” He replied sternly, looping his arms around Jeongin loosely. He was careful not to touch his legs, even though they were pressed tight to Jeongin’s chest. “You could never, ever disappoint me. Especially because of that. And you didn’t fail at all, there is no failing in recovery.” He gently pecked Jeongin’s scalp, giving his body a slight squeeze. “I love you, Jeongin. And I’m not upset because you‘re falling into old habits, I’d be a hypocrite if I was. We all use coping skills we aren’t proud of at one point, some more often than others. That doesn’t make us failures. That just means we have to pick ourselves up and talk to someone, yeah?”

Jeongin nodded, slowly unfurling himself from the ball he constructed. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner... I was scared. I- I mentioned it to my psychiatrist and he thinks I may suffer from, uhm, a skin picking disorder? Because I- I can’t control it anymore. I do it without realizing now and... And I let it get too out of hand. I do it so much I- It even gets infected and I still keep going and going...” His brows creased, creating fine lines in the skin of his forehead. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I let it get so bad.”

“It’s okay that you didn’t tell me, I forgive you. Just- Next time something serious like this happens, don’t hide it from me, yeah?” He used a deft finger to angle Jeongin’s chin towards him. “I worry about you, Jeongie. Don’t leave me in the dark.” He tenderly bumped their foreheads together, lightly nudging the tip of his nose against Jeongin’s sniveling one. It twitched underneath his touch, Jeongin desperately corralling his silent cries as he listened. “I’m so, so proud of you for reaching out to your psych. I know it must have been hard on you to go through this alone.” Hyunjin gently scooped his puling form into his lap, letting Jeongin lay entirely on his chest and thighs. “Just know I’ll always be here to support you, no matter what happens.”

Jeongin smiled weakly against his skin, soft ragged breaths tickling the exposed sliver of Hyunjin’s collarbone. “Thank you... Thank you so much,” He paused, quivering fingers circling the fabric of Hyunjin’s oversized hoodie. “I promise I’ll do better for you. I’ll- I’ll let you in more, I swear, I’ll do it. Just- just give me time.”

”I’ll give you all the time in the world, Jeongin.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi this was rly self indulgent cause i went 2 my dr 2day and she didn’t take my concerns abt having a skin picking disorder seriously cause she couldn’t see it :/ (i pick where ppl CANT see on purpose and she wouldn’t listen) and this is wht i wish would have happened ig. i’m not doing well mentally atm so if my writing kinda blows or i keep posting venty stuff that’s why.  
> pls lmk wht u think of this chap cause it means a lot to me. writing is the only thing rly keeping me from spiraling rn so any comments rly make my day tbh :( every time i get one i just get a surge of energy and happiness and idk. i need tht rn ig ? if u can’t comment or anything then dw !!! i understand and i obv don’t wanna force anyone out of their comfort zone or smth.  
> thank u fr reading ilu guys


	12. nightclub

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jeongin protects hyunjin
> 
> *requested by anon*

“Jeongie~ M’ cold.” Hyunjin popped his bottom lip out in a pout, jutting it as far as he could as he played with the frilly fabric of his skirt. His pretty thighs were on full display, the lavender garment stopping midway. He looked magnificent, shining his brightest even in the grody atmosphere of the shitty club they were in. “Can I have your hoodie? Please?”

Jeongin rolled his eyes, but he knew the tugging of a grin at the corner of his mouth gave him away. The hint of joy that always mustered its way out of him. Hyunjin had that effect, always did. He was something extraordinary. Something divine. He was like when you caught sight of sun rays parting the clouds. Like spotlights, so distinct you want to touch them.

Jeongin began to shrug off the jacket, letting it slip down his arms before something garnered his attention from his peripheral. He noticed a man standing precariously close to Hyunjin. Too close for Jeongin’s comfort. He huffed in disdain, fully removing the jacket and making a show of blanketing it over Hyunjin’s shoulders.

Hyunjin, however, was completely oblivious. He giggled as Jeongin came near, taking the opportunity to peck his lips while his guard was down. “Cutie, I could have put it on myself~” Hyunjin slunk his arms through the sleeves, grinning as they slid past his fingertips.

Jeongin flushed, cheeks heating as he dipped his head to rest on Hyunjin’s shoulder.

Jeongin couldn’t wrap his head around how Hyunjin could so easily show affection in public. He could dote, coddle, and shower Jeongin in all the love in the world without breaking a sweat. Without a single worry about what anyone else thought. He wished he could do the same. He wished he could kiss Hyunjin effortlessly, wished he could call him gooey pet names in public without the impending threat of bursting into tears.

It was almost simpler back in high school, when he could so much as look at his peer and have them running. He could peck Hyunjin’s cheek in the halls, nod off in his lap, and hold his hand all in front of his classmates without a care.

Jeongin figured that was the most jarring change after graduation; his loss of control. Jeongin needed to have control; loathed the unknown. He despised anything that went against his plans, that altered his reality so severely it would knock him off his feet. Yet, Hyunjin was the exception.

Hyunjin turned Jeongin’s world upside down. He smashed his way into his life, decimating all of Jeongin’s preconceived notions about his future and the life he believed he would lead. But with that, birthed something new. Something greater, something younger Jeongin could never even fathom.

A future, with someone by his side.

Jeongin grinned into the crevice of Hyunjin’s collarbone, lips pushed out to press into the skin. “Comfy boy...” He whispered, just loud enough for Hyunjin to hear.

Hyunjin chuckled softly, canting his head to rest it on the top of Jeongin’s. “Clingy Jeongie,” He quipped.

Jeongin shifted so his head was turned to the crowd, people watching as he leant his weight against Hyunjin’s body. He took in the mass of people around him, eyes locked on the man from earlier. He was slimy looking, certainly someone he didn’t want anywhere near himself let alone his boyfriend. He then saw a phone glint into his view, slowly slipping beneath Hyunjin’s skirt. The camera app was open on the screen.

Jeongin shot a hand out, gripping the man’s wrist and twisting it sharply. The phone dropped to the floor with a loud clatter, a high yelp elicited from the foul mouth of the man.

Hyunjin gasped, turning suddenly towards the commotion and cowering into Jeongin’s chest with a hand pressed to the front of his skirt. He flattened it against his legs, eyes shaky as he whimpered. Jeongin immediately looped his free arm around Hyunjin’s hips, embracing him from behind. He snarled at the man, lips curled to bare his teeth. He felt near animalistic as he dug his nails into the bulk of his veins. All humanity felt lost, morals be damned.

He felt like a hawk circling its prey, ready to dive down to snatch its body from the grass. Merciless in his hunger. He was livid, red blurring the edges of his vision. Would it be so bad to make this puny bitch eat shit?

Jeongin jerked when a gentle hand —clad in an oversized hoodie sleeve— encircled his wrist, meek tugs at his forearm. His eyes darted towards Hyunjin, whose brows were knit in quiet plea. He remembered, dully, that Hyunjin wasn’t fond of when he was like this. When he was violent or cruel, even for his sake. It would frighten him at times... He didn’t want to frighten him now. He then refocused his attention to the man, who was panting heavily in his effort not to screech and wriggling helplessly in his grasp. Jeongin wordlessly released him.

The man opened his mouth to speak, a sneer plastered across his grotesque features. They made bile bubble up Jeongin’s esophagus. He wanted to vomit. Jeongin sent a swift kick to the abandoned phone, hearing it skitter into the crowd of people milling about the bar area. The man squawked indignantly, chasing after it like a pathetic little rat.

“Jeongie...” Hyunjin whispered, lithe body molded against his heaving chest. His fingers slid down Jeongin’s arm, tapping two of them on the heel of his folded palm. “Thank you.”

Jeongin slowly unraveled his clenched fist, allowing Hyunjin’s hand to slot against his own. He entwined them, fingers laced in an attempt to comfort him. Jeongin leant against him once more, his head feeling awfully muggy all of a sudden. He raised his chin to plant a kiss to Hyunjin’s cheek, his breath fanning his skin. It warbled, quivering as it left his shivering lungs. His lips were wobbling and he faintly noticed the way his knuckles shook in Hyunjin’s hold.

“Let’s go sit in the car for a bit, okay? Does that sound good to you?” Hyunjin asked, calming voice a quiet hush against the booming of the speakers.

Jeongin nodded, mind decidedly taking its leave. His eyes then fell upon a familiar figure walking the crowd. His big brother. Astronaut was performing soon. “What about Chris’ set? He’ll be disappointed if we miss it...”

“He’ll understand. Don’t you worry, baby.” Hyunjin gave him a small smile, a gift bestowed upon unworthy eyes. Jeongin felt all the fight ooze from his body. “Hyunjinnie will take care of it.”

Jeongin melted into Hyunjin’s arms, knees suddenly growing weaker by the second. He tucked their linked hands against his chest, clutching Hyunjin’s fingers with a strength he hadn’t been aware he still had. They rested right next to his heart, the rapid beats thumping against them. Hyunjin‘s smile faltered when he felt it’s uneven rhythm. He swiftly shifted their bodies so he could coil his empty arm around Jeongin’s waist. “Let’s go. Just lean on me, okay?”

Jeongin nodded, allowing Hyunjin to lead him through the sweaty conglomeration of bodies.

* * *

Once Hyunjin had situated him in the backseat of the car, Jeongin’s body began to thrum to life. He teemed with energy, leg bouncing nervously as his lungs expanded and deflated at an alarmingly swift rate. He wrung his hands, jittery fingers gliding against one another as he stared ahead blankly. He then keeled over, shoulders hunched and head hanging pathetically between his knees. He was too fidgety. Too panicky. Too... Too out of control.

He felt like his veins were filled with petrol, heart pumping the accelerant throughout his entire blood stream. His skin and flesh were blazing, flaming fabric. All he needed was to shatter against the concrete and watch as he himself burned alive. A living, breathing molotov cocktail.

He didn’t understand. Didn’t grasp why he was- Was so triggered by this. Just- The thought of that man, that disgusting excuse of a human violating Hyunjin like that! Hyunjin, he, he didn’t deserve that. No one did, not a single soul.

Hyunjin sidled up beside Jeongin, the leather car seat creaking under his weight. He left a few gracious inches between them, granting Jeongin space as he spilled his anxiety attack all over the back seat.

Jeongin could feel the concern wafting off Hyunjin, the unsaid worry. Jeongin teetered on the edge.

“Baby? What do you need, Jeongin?” Hyunjin asked, careful as he scooched only a smidge closer to him. His hand stopped just a handful of centimeters adrift of his thigh. His fingers twitched where they laid.

Jeongin placed his hand over Hyunjin’s, if only to stop the trembling in his own. He opened his mouth to reply, finding it astonishingly difficult. He closed it then, a shivering breath emanating from his lungs. He tried to speak once more, a hoarse whisper all he could gather, “I- I don’t know...”

It was... Unusual, for Jeongin to be unable to comprehend his own limits. He was always capable of discerning what he could and couldn’t tolerate, but now... Now, all he knew he needed was Hyunjin. Some way, some how. He just needed to protect him, to guard him, to smother him. He didn’t know if he could stand his touch beyond this, didn’t know if he needed to be talked down with Hyunjin’s soporific voice. He... He didn’t know. He didn’t know and that was terrifying.

Hyunjin stiffened, seemingly as amiss as Jeongin was, “Can I- Can I touch you? More than this?” He gently squeezed Jeongin’s willowy fingers. “It’s okay if not. Don’t force yourself.”

Jeongin nodded dimly, slowly angling himself to the side till his head was cushioned in Hyunjin’s lap. He figured, he could just test the waters. He could see how far he was able to go before his skin bubbled and his blood came to a simmer. He released Hyunjin’s hand, instead placing both of his own atop his thigh. His thighs were rather comfy when they weren’t wrapped in scratchy denim... Supple and smooth skin underneath his palms and moist cheek. He nuzzled into his lower thigh, nose just barely reaching the start of his kneecap.

Hyunjin’s muscles tensed at first, presumably uncertain of Jeongin’s actions. They eased as he snuggled against him, Hyunjin apprehensively settling his hands on the top of Jeongin’s hair. He began to comb through the curled tresses, his fingers gliding through the strands assuagingly.

Jeongin nearly keened into the touch, Hyunjin’s cold flesh soothing the fire alight on Jeongin’s. He sighed contently as Hyunjin started to hum. It was some nameless pop song they heard on the radio on the drive over. His voice was grumbly, almost gruff when he began. Jeongin assumed it was because this was the other way around on typical days, Jeongin serenading Hyunjin to lull him back to a calmer state. With time, however, Hyunjin’s voice started to sound sweeter. The crackles disappeared, smoothing into a voice suited for lullabies and melodies. 

Jeongin grinned, Hyunjin idly twirling his hair around the knots of his knuckles. “Your voice is pretty,” He muttered, his own tone hushed and throaty. “Sing for me?”

Hyunjin gulped, he heard the swallow resonate throughout the tight space of the car. “I- Thank you... Are you sure you want me to sing? I’m not- I’m not like you, I’m-“

“Please? I want to hear you, Hyunnie.” Jeongin spun his head round to look up at him, brows creased as he pursed his lips. “Just this once?”

Hyunjin cleared the hair off Jeongin’s forehead with his fingers, gently massaging the center of it to rid him of the wrinkles. “Okay,” He whispered.

Jeongin broke into a tiny smile, minuscule but grateful. “Thank you.” He grasped the hand above his forehead, guiding it down to his lips so he could press subtle kisses to the back of it. He let them linger there, patiently waiting for him to begin.

Hyunjin started shaky, nervous cheeps in the notes. Soon though, with the encouraging pecks to his palm, he grew more confident. He kept his tone soft, not daring to belt or raise his pitch any higher than a wisp.

Jeongin relished in the sound, eyes fluttering shut as he listened. Is this how Hyunjin felt when he sung to him? So... At ease? He felt safe, like his voice was a light beaming bright in a suffocatingly dark tunnel. It felt- It felt like home.

Jeongin gave him a reassuring smile as he finished, lips grazing the lines in the palm of his hand. He turned once again to cuddle into the chubby part of Hyunjin’s stomach. He felt the rumble of laughter as Hyunjin chortled.

“Are you feeling better, Jeongie?” Hyunjin pet the hair on the side of Jeongin’s head, thumb then circling the pudgy flesh of his cheek. “You’re clingier now, I think that’s a good sign.”

Jeongin blushed, concealing his reddening cheeks in Hyunjin’s tummy. “Shut up, I love you,” He mumbled, words distorted from the pressing of his face against him.

Hyunjin purred, rattling both of their bodies. “I love you more.”

Jeongin harrumphed, pushing himself up to sit properly in Hyunjin’s lap. He was careful, as he didn’t want Hyunjin’s skirt to ride up under him. “I love you the most.”

Hyunjin groaned, throwing his head back against the head rest. “You’re the worst! I can’t beat that!”

Jeongin laughed, attaching his mouth to his prominent jugular vein. He pressed light kisses along it, hot breath hitting his skin as he giggled. He trilled as Hyunjin then looped his arms around his waist. “That’s the point, silly boy.”

“Mm...” Hyunjin tilted his head so he could see Jeongin, hands methodically rubbing up and down along his hips. “Hey, Jeongin?”

“Hm?”

“Thank you, for not starting a fight with that dude.”

Jeongin sighed, “He’s lucky he didn’t take a picture or I would have. He’d be lucky if he could move after I was done with him.”

Hyunjin rolled his eyes, pinching Jeongin’s earlobe with a disheartened frown. “No, you wouldn’t because you know I hate when you get in fights. Plus, I’d never kiss you again if you did.”

Jeongin batted Hyunjin’s hand away with a yelp, “Ow! Jeez, Hyunjin, I was kidding!”

Hyunjin didn’t look convinced, eyes shifting to the car passing by outside the window. “Whether you were or not, you know I don’t like when you put yourself in danger.” He returned his gaze to Jeongin, shaded eyes whirling with sincerity. “I have to protect you too, Jeongin.”

Jeongin’s breath hitched, eyes downcast as he guiltily nuzzled into the crook of Hyunjin’s collarbone. “I know... I’m sorry, Hyunjin. I- I just-“

Hyunjin pecked the crown of his head before then pillowing his cheek atop it. “You just wanna protect me. We have to find middle grounds with all this ridiculous protecting bullshit.”

Jeongin huffed out a laugh, breathy as it warmed Hyunjin’s neck. “Maybe we should just duel.”

“I would eviscerate you in a duel.”

“You can’t even change our sheets without running out of breath.”

“Rude!” Hyunjin flicked the bobbing adam’s apple rested in his neck, a playful scowl on his cute features.

Jeongin’s chuckles trailed off, “Hey, you’re okay, right? I- I know that must have been scary for you back there.”

Hyunjin sighed, thin arms tightening around Jeongin. “I- I think I’m alright, especially cause I know you stopped him before he got a picture. But I don’t know if I wanna wear skirts out in public for awhile... I think I’ll be too self conscious.”

Jeongin’s lips dipped into a frown, face crinkling in dismay. “I’m sorry. You can wear them around the house, though, right? You always look so happy when you wear them. I...” He let out a dejected huff of air, fingers worrying the dark threads of Hyunjin’s stolen hoodie. “I don’t want you to lose that.”

He felt Hyunjin beam into his hair, nudging his nose into his scalp as he breathed in. “I’ll wear them at home, just for you for now.”

“And Kkami,” Jeongin dutifully added. “But don’t just wear them for me. You should wear them cause you want to. And I- I have some sweatpants in here, I think. If you wanna change.” Jeongin tried to wiggle out of Hyunjin’s grip to scour for them, only for Hyunjin to shake his head as he held fast to his hips.

“No, I’m okay. It’s just us here, and I- I don’t... Feel comfortable going back inside. Not when that guy could still be there... I’m sorry.”

Jeongin shook his head, relaxing back into Hyunjin’s embrace. He raised a hand to find tender purchase on his cheek, curling a strand of charcoal colored hair behind his ear with his other. “Don’t ever be sorry for that, Hyunjin. I will never push you to do something like that. And I’m sure the guys will understand too, so don’t worry about the gig. I’ll ask Lix to film it for us so we can watch later, yeah? I think it’ll hit different when we’re cuddling in your bed instead of in that stuffy cesspool.”

Hyunjin grinned, nodding along to Jeongin’s suggestion. “Yeah. Yeah, that sounds nice.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey legends i hope u liked this one !!!! it was a request i got recently so :) pls send / comment more if u can i rly rly enjoy writing them :(


	13. polycule

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a glimpse into seungmin’s current turmoil ft jeongin and hyunjin
> 
> requested by jeonghoneys (i would die fr u)  
> “i was just wondering if you could write something about Seungmin? i really loved him in peach tree and it would be nice to get to know him better.“

“You’re so sulky today, Seungie~” Jeongin whined, looping his arms around Seungmin’s waist and tucking his chin on his shoulder. His nose brushed the chubby fat of his cheeks, Jeongin’s breath tickling his smile lines. “What’s wrong? Can I help?”

Seungmin sighed, pitching his head to the side to rest his temple on Jeongin’s forehead. “Been avoiding Felix again,” He regretfully confessed, his fingers worrying the hem of his loose t-shirt. “It just- It still hurts.”

Jeongin let his eyes slip closed, pads of his fingers gently kneading the supple mounds of flesh on Seungmin’s hips. He slipped his hands beneath his shirt, suppressing a laugh as Seungmin shivered from the touch.

Seungmin had developed feelings for Felix the moment he laid eyes on him. He was enraptured by him, the way his freckles dotted every inch of his skin like sugar crystals sprinkled atop a pastry. The way his eyes would crinkle into cute crescents whenever he smiled. The way he would lazily lean into them whenever he stood or sat beside them. Jeongin saw it all, saw how Seungmin fell right before his eyes. How he would look at Felix like he hung the moon and twirled the earth on his index finger.

It was a shame, how stubborn Seungmin was. He was hard headed, stuck fast to his ways no matter how ill becoming they were. It was why he hadn’t simply admitted his crush back then, despite Jeongin’s fruitless proddings and even Minho and Chris’ near constant encouragement. Seungmin wasn’t one to open up to many people, shutting himself down the moment he sensed danger at his walls. It was why he still despised Jisung. Why he would sneer at the girl next to him in his lectures because she caught a glimpse of his phone screen and curiously asked him why his background was of two boys.

He had viewed Felix as family, not in the sort of way he viewed Jeongin or Chris, but in that protective and possessive way. And he wouldn’t break that bond, even if it meant he would be unable to act on his feelings. And then, it was too late. Felix and Changbin had met. They became fast friends, texting day and night. They would shyly flirt with one another in the lunch room, unbeknownst to Seungmin’s anguish till he darted to the bathroom. Jeongin remembered just how hard Seungmin had sobbed that day. How his shirt was soaked through and through with snot and tears.

Seungmin was… He was so fragile, so delicate. Even if he boasted confidence and resilience, he was still human. He would still furl like touch me nots when he was upset. Would still weep in Jeongin’s arms when the pain of his past creeped up on him in the night. Would still bring flowers to his parents graves, clutching Jeongin’s hand tight as he silently grieved. He was... He was strong, but he couldn’t deal with everything on his own. No one could.

“You should tell him how you feel,” Jeongin suggested. He felt like a broken record at this point, the way the words would fly off his tongue so naturally. “It’ll help, I know it will.”

“He’ll hate me,” Seungmin replied bitterly. “Or Changbin will make him cut me off.”

“Changbin wouldn’t do that, and Felix wouldn’t either.”

“He’s right, Seungmin,” Hyunjin sauntered into the room, carelessly tossing his work bag onto the coffee table. He unceremoniously flopped down across their laps, his long legs in Jeongin’s and head cushioned in Seungmin’s. “And if they did, I’d kill them both.”

“Changbin’s, like, your best friend, Hyunjin,” Seungmin argued, flicking his forehead the second it landed on him.

“Yeah, but you’re my  _ bester _ friend!” Hyunjin raised a hand to poke at Seungmin’s cheek, giggling as his finger sunk into the pudgy flesh. “I don’t care what they say or do, I’ll have your back.”

“Me too!” Jeongin chimed, squishing his cheek into Seungmin’s with a smile. “Can’t get rid of us that easy!”

Seungmin chuckled softly, a content grin playing on his lips as swatted the two away. “Thank you. Both of you.”

“Anytime! We can’t be a polycule without you, Seungminnie~”

“We aren’t a polycule!” Jeongin laughed, smacking Hyunjin’s thigh. He stuck his tongue out when Hyunjin gave an offended gasp.

“I don’t think God would approve of us being a polycule,” Seungmin said. “Too much chaos.”

Jeongin hummed in agreement, “Oh, definitely. I think he’d smite us for it.”

“Not if I killed him first.”

“Killing God is my bit, Hyunjin.”

“Well, now it’s mine!”

Seungmin snorted as they bickered, allowing Jeongin to crawl on his lap and wrestle Hyunjin into a chokehold. “It’s a bad bit, both of you suck.”

_ “Hey!” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HIIII so basically i’ve kept this kinda hidden (mostly cause i couldn’t fit it into the main plot of peach tree) but seungmin has had a crush on felix fr a rly long time. he’s been slowly getting over it cause obv he would never ever wanna ruin the relationship felix and changbin have, but it still hurts him. it’s become easier since he’s moved to baltimore (felix stayed in jersey cause he didn’t get the scholarship to seungmin and jeongin’s college 😔✊) but it’s also more difficult. him avoiding felix will distance them as they don’t see each other in person often anymore. they don’t wanna lose one another as friends, but seungmin can’t keep pining over felix. it’s a whole mess of deflection and bad choices but dw.... seungmin will be happy at some point. it’s a surprise tbh  
> anyways sorry fr the rant but !!!! seungmin is just one of the charas i wish i could have touched on the backstory more of. there’s a ton of stuff i wanna write in general revealing some of the things i’ve either a. barely hinted at (jeongin’s relationship w his grandma) or b. didn’t get to mention at all (seungmin’s crush on felix). i have some things planned but AHHH idk i’m rambling.  
> i hope u guys enjoyed and thank u to those who have requested !!!! i have a few more to write but pls feel free to leave some more theyre rly fun !!!! i’ve started writing two lengthy one shots (not peach tree related, theyre stand alone aus) so they’re taking a good chunk of my time lately. but i’m super duper excited to post them !!!!  
> anyways i can’t shut up lmao but thank u fr reading and i hope u guys liked this one !!!!!


	14. one year

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it’s the boys one year anniversary :)

Hyunjin’s muffled laugh tittered in Jeongin’s ear, harmonic and angelic as it entered his eardrums. He found himself smiling, sleepily cracking open an eye to peer at the man beside him. He felt content as he listlessly observed the giggles bubble from his freshly coated, gloss covered lips. Jeongin instinctively slid his tongue across his own, tasting the faint traces of it still lingering upon his skin from their goodnight kiss the night before. He let his eyes slip close once again as he relished in the memory.

The sticky gloss made kissing Hyunjin messy, greedily capturing each other’s lips till they molded into one. It was not desperate, the way they would come together, it was natural. It held fervored endearment, an ethereal song sung by their touch. It was a delicacy, yet a familiarity. It was, simply, love. In the purest form. Longing, yearning, adoration, passion. A divine concoction of their emotions stirred to perfection, a cocktail of them.

Perhaps it was the fact he was Hyunjin’s first. He was his first kiss, his first love. Jeongin would often feel a pang of guilt that Hyunjin was not his. He’d loved before, kissed before. He sometimes would wish Hyunjin had laid claim to his firsts. That he had appeared in his life before destiny had written them. But he had the inclination that if he had... They would not be happy like they were now. Jeongin was too fragile then, too broken. He was like a pot in a kiln, a bubbling pocket of air hidden between its clay folds. Heated, spread thin, till he burst in two.

Still, Hyunjin held that new love kind of jealousy. That all encompassing feeling of ownership over Jeongin. It wasn’t unhealthy, the way he felt. He never would force Jeongin to do something rash because of his feelings. He never acted out toxically, would rather retreat into himself to brew. Jeongin understood, he would be a fool if he claimed he didn’t. He felt it too, that urge to make their love known, that entitlement. The overwhelming need to shoo away prying eyes and unwanted advances. They each had their own ways of dealing with such behavior. Jeongin would subtly sidle up to Hyunjin, fingers dancing across bare arms. He would press feather light kisses to Hyunjin’s cheeks, basking in the blush below his lips.

Hyunjin would do something different. He would wait till they were alone and act then. He would kiss Jeongin like his life depended on it, like he was the oxygen he breathed. Sometimes, he would purposely smear his lip gloss along Jeongin’s skin. He would drag his full lips down the expanse of his neck, the skin blooming beneath his breath. He would mark him with it. Hyunjin’s darling eyes would darken, possessive as he would take in the lip stains and outlines he’d leave on Jeongin. He theorized that Hyunjin would wear his gaudiest colored lip gloss just to see it blossom along Jeongin’s flesh. He specifically took a liking to Jeongin’s adam’s apple, as it seemed. Mouth latching to it, allured by its rhythmic bobbing like a hummingbird to a flower. Jeongin never minded, if he was honest. He enjoyed knowing how even the smallest of his features captivated Hyunjin. They enchanted him, _he_ enchanted him.

Even in the propriety of such things, they would never stray any farther. They would fall into fits of shy laughter, sweet nothings absorbing into each other’s pores. They were anything but serious in those moments, too inexperienced and too disgustingly in love.

However, Hyunjin was not always so easily quelled with his fierce envy. Once away from all knowing eyes, he would burst into tears. They would flow down his cheeks, leaving melancholic streaks in their wake. Jeongin would coo at him, take him in his arms, and remind him how deeply he felt for Hyunjin. He would thumb away his tears, hushing his cries with sways of their bodies. He would leave kisses blanketing his stunning face, not ceasing till Hyunjin’s precious smile returned to his lips. He would hold him through the night, whispering soft melodies into his ears till the sun kissed their skin and Hyunjin’s breathing slowed to a murmur.

“Jeongin? Are you awake, angel?” Jeongin blearily felt a tender hand cup his cheek, a body moving closer in proximity to his own. He hadn’t realized he’d dozed off. “C’mon, baby, wake up.”

Jeongin lazily blinked open his eyes, lids heavy and muddled with sleep. He wrinkled his nose in distaste at the bright light shining through the blinds. “Fuck off, Hyunjin.”

Hyunjin cackled, face so close to Jeongin’s he could smell the fresh mint hinting in his breath. He lovingly cradled Jeongin’s’ cheeks, squishing them together to force his lips into a pout. “You talk to your boyfriend with that mouth?”

Jeongin narrowed his eyes, though the fond glint in Hyunjin’s showed it was futile. “I talk to dead men with it,” He deadpanned, speech slightly slurred from Hyunjin’s hold on his cheeks.

Hyunjin sighed contently, leaning forward to nudge his nose against Jeongin’s. “Know what today is?”

“The day you shut up and let me sleep?”

Hyunjin let out an undignified squeak, pursing his pretty lips as they lay agape. “No! For real, do you know what today is?”

Jeongin hummed in thought, allowing his eyes to once again fall shut. He knew exactly what today was, how could he forget? He had a lively day planned for them: a lovely meal at a restaurant for lunch, a movie after that that he knew Hyunjin was dying to see, then he was going to take him shopping at the quaint little square they’d been waiting to visit. Of course, those little gaps of time in between were meant for Hyunjin to fit whatever he planned for Jeongin. It would be idiotic to believe Hyunjin hadn’t planned anything at all. Firstly, though, he wanted to snuggle with Hyunjin. Wanted to have some long overdue morning cuddles. He wanted to share bashful kisses and touches of skin with him till they had to start their day anew. That was one thing that was unnegotiable about today, he’d settled.

They hadn’t been able to spend as much time together now that school had begun. Hyunjin himself was taking a gap year, deciding to work so he could save up for the trade school he chose. Jeongin was attending college as well as working part time at a record shop a few blocks down from their apartment. Often times, the two would wake alone in their bed. The sheets chilled in the absence of the other, scent lingering in a meager wisp. Then they wouldn’t see one another again till late in the afternoon. Of course, they would call during breaks and chat about their days so far. Despite Hyunjin’s chiding, Jeongin would also sneak _I miss you_ and _First person home gets a kiss_ texts during lectures. He was sentimental like that, cliche and clingy in the silliest ways.

Jeongin missed being wedged in Hyunjin’s arms and having Hyunjin buried comfortably in his own. He missed the warmth of his body pressed against him, the subtle puffs of air from his mouth and nose tickling his sensitive skin. He missed the patterns he would draw with a finger above his sternum. He missed the goosebumps their loving caresses would raise on each other’s flesh. He missed the way their heartbeats would fall in tandem, dueting a song all their own. He missed his Hyunjin.

“I don’t think I do,” Jeongin decided to tease, the crack of a grin twitching at the corner of his lips. “You wanna remind me, sweet boy?”

Hyunjin fell silent for a moment, “Uhm, you- You are joking, right?” He whispered, voice unsteady as he hesitantly retracted his hands from Jeongin’s cheeks. 

Jeongin opened his eyes, his own hands moving to catch Hyunjin’s. His fingers delicately wrapped around his palms, fully encasing them with a gentle squeeze. “Of course I’m joking, Hyunnie. I would never forget what today is.” He led one of Hyunjin’s hands to his lips, mouthing sweet kisses to the back of it. “It’s our one year anniversary, my love.”

A sigh of relief passed Hyunjin’s lips, scooting himself back into the nook of Jeongin’s side. “It is,” He dreamily mused, arm draped over Jeongin’s midsection. “I’m sorry for doubting you for a second, you know I’m kinda bad with reading things.” He ducked his head down sheepishly, partially shielding it from Jeongin’s view so all he could see was the crown of Hyunjin’s dark hair. He’d pulled it back in a loose ponytail, a clumsy braid made from a few loose strands resting on the side of his head.

Jeongin smiled to himself at the thought of Hyunjin googling braiding tutorials so he could look pretty for Jeongin. He usually would do his braids for him, but this was immensely more endearing. Hyunjin wanted to look nice for Jeongin... Gosh, little did he know he always looked nice for him. Even when he was drenched in buckets of sweat and reeked like a drainage pipe, Jeongin thought he was heavenly. Fuck, he was whipped.

“Mm, I think I got that when I had to confess twice for you to understand I was head over heels for your stupid ass.”

“Hey! It’s not my fault I’m dumb.”

Jeongin hummed, a small noise of acknowledgement in the back of his throat. “That’s true, at least you admit you’re stupid.” He grinned as Hyunjin smacked his chest with a laugh. “What do you have planned for us today, my love? I want us to be able to do most of what each other have in mind.”

Hyunjin craned his neck so he could look up at Jeongin, chin nestled on his shoulder and hair strewn about their pillow. “I was thinking we could go to one of those greenhouse tour things. I thought you’d like to see all those neat colors, and I could snap some shots of you in front of them,” His voice trailed off as he thought, brows furrowed cutely in consideration. “Do you think they allow photos? Would it harm the flowers?”

Jeongin broke into a smile at his innocent musings. He was so sweet, wondering about measly things like that. “We’ll have to check online, won’t we? If not, we can still enjoy the sights.”

Hyunjin grinned, nodding in agreement. “I also wanna stop by a bakery, or a flower shop! I want to pick out some nice decorations and sweets for us to binge.” He giggled as he shyly sunk his teeth into the flesh of his bottom lip. “I- I also wanna give you your gift then, if you wouldn’t mind waiting till later.” 

Jeongin smoothed out a wrinkle in the fabric of Hyunjin’s shirt. Hyunjin was dressed and prepped for the day, likely having gotten up at the break of dawn out of excitement. He was so cheesy, it was cute.

“I’ll wait as long as you want, don’t worry about it.” Jeongin gently shimmied out from underneath him, sitting up so his back rested against the bed frame. “Can I give you your gift now? Or do you wanna exchange them at the same time?”

Hyunjin mulled it over for a second, sitting up himself and mimicking Jeongin. “Would it be okay to get it now? I’m too excited to wait...”

Jeongin chuckled as Hyunjin set his lips in that adorable pout. He then leaned over to his bedside table, popping open the top drawer and taking out a small velvet box as well as some tissues. “I already know your pisces disease is going to make you cry when you see this,” Jeongin teased, passing both to Hyunjin’s awaiting hands.

“Go ahead, open it.”

Hyunjin stared for a beat, careful fingers gliding along the velvet finish of the box. He carefully flipped the lip open, a sharp intake of breath soon following. “Jeongin, this isn’t-“

“It’s not an engagement ring, there’s two,” He cut Hyunjin off, pointing at the matching set of rings. One was gold on the outside, one was silver. Both rings had a pattern on the inside, a secret for those only who wore the rings to be privy to. The inner part had a glossy white and ceramic-like background with small, intricately painted flowers patterned over it. There were purple forget me nots, blue hydrangeas, white camellias, and a few pink peonies strewn about. All painstakingly hand painted by Jeongin himself. “I designed them. They’re promise rings.”

Hyunjin swallowed, eyes prickling with tears as his lip warbled. He gasped as he took a breath, a sob breaking through. He set the box in his lap, tissues long forgotten as he immediately threw his arms around Jeongin. “Jeongie, I- I love it so much!” He cried, “I love you, I love you, I love you!”

Jeongin laughed at his dramatics, encircling him as he pressed showers of kisses to the top of his hair. “I love you too, sweet boy, so _so_ much. Wanna try them on together?”

Hyunjin nodded eagerly, releasing Jeongin as he turned his attention back to the gift. He wiped his nose on the back of his hand, chuckling as he sniffled. “The gold one is bigger, is that one mine?”

Jeongin nodded, “I know you prefer gold jewelry.”

Hyunjin cracked a smile, seemingly pleased with that answer. He plucked the ring from its holder, then stilled. He timidly asked, “Uhm... Can we put them on each other?”

Jeongin held his hand out for the gold ring, Hyunjin dropping it in the center of his palm. “Would it be weird if I wore this on my left hand? I know it’s not an engagement ring, but it feels weird to put it on the hand I usually shove my normal rings on...”

Hyunjin knit his brows in thought, then reached over to snatch his phone off his nightstand. “Let me look it up, actually.”

Jeongin nodded, leaning his head on Hyunjin’s shoulder to look over at his screen. He smiled to himself as he recognized the lockscreen as a picture of them, beaming at the camera with a pink sunset behind them. They were seated underneath Hyunjin’s peach tree, Hyunjin himself tucked into Jeongin’s side. They had matching cherry cheeks, probably from the fact they had kissed for the second time then, if he recalled correctly.

“It says that they’re worn on our left hands!” Hyunjin said, breaking Jeongin from his reminisce. “They’re only worn on the right if you’re engaged or married.”

“Cool, now give me your hand so I can make our friends have heart attacks next time they see us.”

“Oh my god, should we trick them into thinking one of us proposed?”

Jeongin laughed as Hyunjin placed his hand in his so he could slide the ring on his left ring finger. He smiled softly to himself as it fit snugly, just right for his darling boy. “As funny as that would be, it’s kinda cruel, no?”

Hyunjin hummed, slipping Jeongin’s silver ring on his left ring finger. “I guess so, it would still be funny though.” Hyunjin fell silent as he gazed at Jeongin’s hand, thumb tracing along the cold metal of the ring. “What exactly are we promising?” He wondered quietly, almost inaudible.

Jeongin used his free hand to cup Hyunjin’s jaw, thumb circling the supple skin next to his chin. He angled Hyunjin’s head upwards to face him, greeting him with a gentle smile. “It depends for you, but I can tell you what I’m promising.” He canted forward, nudging the tip of his nose along the divot of Hyunjin’s cupid’s bow. He then raised it to do the same to Hyunjin’s nose. “I’m promising myself to you. I’m promising to be with you, as long as you want me there. I’m promising to love you, even when you annoy the absolute fuck out of me. I’m promising to support you whenever you need it, and even when you don’t. And I-“ Jeongin stalled, avoiding Hyunjin’s eyes. “I hope you can promise me the same, if you’re ready. That you’ll be there for me, and support me, and love me. Love me even when I pester you and irritate you till you wanna rip your hair out. Even when I can’t say all the things I mean, or when I cling to you so intensely it kinda freaks you out.”

Hyunjin teared up, a shivering breath wracking his lungs. “Shut up, you’re such a dick...Making me cry twice in 20 minutes.” He looped his arms around Jeongin’s neck, peppering kisses along his jawline and temples. “I promise all those things to you, Jeongin. All those things and more. You-“ He laughed breathily, wetness sticking to the sound. “You really are the love of my life. I know that’s heavy and crazy, but- But I couldn’t imagine being without you. I don’t ever want to imagine it.”

Jeongin cooed, lips grazing Hyunjin’s cheek before meeting his in a fervid kiss. He gripped the collar of Hyunjin’s shirt, tugging him closer to feel the way his body preened into Jeongin’s. They meshed, colliding and becoming one and the same. They parted with gentle pecks, soft giggles muffled by full lips.

“You’re my soulmate, Hyunjin. Even when things get hard, when we fight or argue or- Or just have a rough patch,” He paused, kneading the base of Hyunjin’s neck with needy fingers. “I’ll stay. I’ll stay and I’ll love you just as deeply as I do right now. Because you’re, you’re mine, and I’m yours. I- I promise you that.” Jeongin leant into Hyunjin’s forehead, noses bumping clumsily. “Fuck- Shit, I’m gonna cry too,” He laughed as the moisture formed in his ducts.

Hyunjin snorted, swiping the droplets away as they slid down Jeongin’s cheeks. “Two crybabies in love, huh?”

Jeongin smiled endearingly as the chill of the ring brushed against his cheekbone. He leaned into the palm of Hyunjin’s hand, a content sigh cascading from his lips. “Guess so.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HIIIIII i rly wanted to post this one cause i thought it was so so cute :( i might do a pt 2 w hyunjin’s gift but i’m not sure yet !!!  
> ALSO i’m so so sorry i haven’t been updating as frequently i just wrote a fucking 17k word MAMMOTH of a hyunin fic i’m gonna post soon which took all of my time. i’m gonna post tht this weekend prolly ? so look out fr it hehehehheheh >:3c  
> anyways pls let me know wht u thought of this one !!!!! it’s one of my faves personally so far :) and lmk if u have any reqs !!!! i’m currently working on two rn (one of them which i had to rewrite because i didn’t like the first version i wrote 😔✊)  
> thank u sm fr reading i love u guys sm !!!!! have a great weekend !!!!! be safe or i’ll kill u !!!!!!!


	15. not an update

hi, i just wanted to tell you guys about what i have changed in the plot due to the news that came out.

to start, he will not be in this collection at all. i have already removed him from the original peach tree fic posted on here. he will also not be in any future works of mine from this point forward.

because i have eradicated him from the plot, i have decided to merge his previous character with minho’s. this puts minho in a relationship with chris and makes astronaut a 3 member group in the story as of now.

lastly, please keep the victims in your thoughts. please support them. they deserve to know we have their backs.

thank you. i will see you all next update.

-xavier yananvation


	16. anniversary (part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hyunjin’s gift

“Babylove~” Hyunjin crooned, the sound sugary sweet on his tongue. It was like he bit into a caramel candy, savoring the flavor as it spread across his tastebuds. “Are you ready for your gift?”

Hyunjin felt a warm summer’s day bloom inside his belly as Jeongin blushed. The vibrancy raising breathtaking flora within his bones. His cheeks were the cutest, prominent sculpture encased in scarlet hues. Stray flecks of glitter littered the skin from Hyunjin’s own makeup rubbing off.

He felt a pleasing surge of emotion as he recalled, whimsically, that Jeongin was his.

If you had told his previous self a year and a half ago that he would not only befriend the most beautiful boy on the planet, he would fall in love with him. Then have that love returned, wholeheartedly... Oh, he would fervently deny it. There would be no way a perfect man like Jeongin would find anything worth interest in someone like him. But he did. He did and still does. He still woke with a smile, staring at Hyunjin with dreamy eyes and flushed skin. He still touched him like he was a gem, a treasure to cherish. He still kissed him, shyly and full of devotion.

He remembered when Jeongin had cried when Hyunjin asked to kiss him the very first time. The remorse in his eyes, the glints of tears as they shimmered down his cheeks. The wobbles in his voice and the clinch of his touch. He was a fragile thing then, a gold leaf about to tear. They both were, but they’ve grown stronger with time.

Jeongin continued to struggle with kissing, with touching. Sometimes he’ll be too sheepish to even meet Hyunjin’s eyes after they kiss, unsteady pants oozing from his mouth. Sometimes he can’t hold his hand in public because his fingers quake like the earth and his palms sweat droplets of rain. But, that’s only sometimes. It surprised Hyunjin when the epiphany came to him, making him giggle and squeal in his sheets. Jeongin was a clingy boyfriend. It may sound silly, Changbin and Lucas had thought so when Hyunjin happily blew up their phones at god knows when after his earth shattering realization. But Jeongin was, undoubtedly, one of the clingiest people Hyunjin ever had the pleasure of meeting. His only problem was that his trauma held him back, his self doubt that stilted his movements and shriveled his lungs like berries in the sun.

Jeongin liked- No, he adored touching Hyunjin. He could see it, how he always latched onto Hyunjin’s arms or snuggled against him whenever they were together. How he would pull Hyunjin into his lap or braid his hair while they watched tv. How he would nuzzle into Hyunjin, any part he could reach with that crimson flushed nose. He was clingy and loving, twisting his fists into Hyunjin’s shirts or stealing his clothes. Not that Hyunjin wasn’t also guilty of the latter. He couldn’t keep track of how many times he’d come home to Jeongin passed out over his books, drool stringing out of the side of his lips. He would be wrapped up in Hyunjin’s hoodie, nose pressed into the sleeve as his body rose and fell.

“More than ready,” He heard Jeongin mumble, his face shaded a ruby red. He averted his eyes to the floor, clicking his heels together as he tucked a tuft of hair behind the shell of his ear. Hyunjin was elated to see it was also tinged with a blush. “I- I like... I like when you call me that.”

Hyunjin purred, the sound reverberating from a warm part of his tummy. “You like being called babylove?” He set a hand on the small of Jeongin’s back, guiding him to the couch as he continued to tease. “My Jeongie is so cute, so shy when he tells me what he likes!”

Jeongin groaned, eyes rolling with feinted exasperation. “You are unhinged. A plague to me and my home.”

“Ah, ah,” He tutted, giving Jeongin a slight push so the back of his knees hit the couch and he plopped into a seated position. He pulled his legs into a criss cross position, playfully sticking his tongue out at Hyunjin. “Our home, we split the rent even if you are a rich boy.”

“Which I still think is stupid, by the way! I should pay more since I have the funds.”

Hyunjin ruffled Jeongin’s hair, fingers mussing the auburn locks. They curled around his knuckles, vines clinging to branches. “We’ve had this argument far too many times, Jeongin. I always win in the end.”

Jeongin huffed cutely, crossing his muscular arms over his ever broadening chest. Hyunjin didn’t know how much longer his feeble heart would last if Jeongin kept working out like that. “That’s just cause you know how to get your way. You know I can’t resist you.”

Hyunjin giggled, feeling the tips of his ears burn bright at the confession. “That I do, my baby,” He cooed, “Let me go get your gift, yeah?”

Jeongin nodded, calling over the back of the couch as Hyunjin jogged to their room. “Hurry back, I want my cuddles!”

Hyunjin laughed, shaking his head in amusement as he entered their room. He slid open the drawer of his nightstand, carefully taking out the gift with nimble fingers. He ran his palm flat across the front, the burgundy leather finish dragging and catching his skin. It was a scrapbook, one filled with photographs and notes Hyunjin spilled his heart unto over the last year.

The pictures were recent, or taken from his phone and printed on mind bogglingly expensive photo paper. The notes, however, were snippets from his journal or romantic vents from texts between him and his friends. He collected every one, scanning and copying them with his boss’ shitty printer on nights he claimed he was “working late”. He was always cautious, covering his love sick tracks with fresh snow. He would hide the copies in his work bag, knowing Jeongin would never sift through it without explicit permission. He would also always be sure not to be home too late into the night. He didn’t want the whole “You’ve been coming home late every day for weeks! Is there someone else?” trope that they always showcase in movies and media. He refused to hurt Jeongin in that way, and he refused to neglect their relationship for a gift that’s supposed to be celebrating it. 

“Hyunnie! Come back, baby!” He heard Jeongin shout from the living room. He could already picture the petulant pout on his lips.

“Coming, coming!” Hyunjin chuckled, tucking the book underneath his arm. He retreated back to Jeongin, smiling to himself as he saw him tapping away on his phone. He slid beside him, holding the gift in his lap as he nudged Jeongin’s shoulder with his own. “Who ya texting?”

“Lix asked how our anniversary was going so far,” He explained, phone already discarded the moment the couch dipped from Hyunjin’s weight. He gave Hyunjin a teasing smile, “Told him it was amazing, but would definitely be better if I got a kiss right about now.”

Hyunjin let out a playful hum, a brow quirked as he leaned in ever so slightly. “Is that so?”

Jeongin giggled, a wonderful flow of hics and lilts. The sound made birds sing and crickets chirp in Hyunjin’s chest, sun rising above his ribcage. Jeongin puckered his lips, pursing them in preparation for what he knew Hyunjin would give him.

Hyunjin was a lovesick puppy when it came to Jeongin. He would drop everything to dawdle after him, to tug on his sleeves or grasp at his coattails. He was the more outgoing of the two, leading Hyunjin into social interactions and letting him cower in his shadow as he confidently strode about. He would gently coax Hyunjin to follow, soft eyes and kind smiles never straying from his side. It was a blessing, yet also a nasty curse. Jeongin would attract all eyes and ears the moment he entered a room. People would swoon and collapse to their knees to garner a lick of his attention. They would beg for his number, heedlessly flirt no matter how humiliating the dismissal. It was all for naught, their attempts. Hyunjin would always be the center of Jeongin’s world. He would revolve around him, creating a spectacular new solar system out of their bond. Fitted with Jeongin’s starry irises and Hyunjin’s… Prettiness? He wasn’t sure what he brought to those gas giants and comet trails, but he knew Jeongin would find it. He never failed to.

Hyunjin pecked Jeongin’s pouted lips, stilting for only a moment to nuzzle their flushed noses against one another. He breathed, “Happy, Jeongie?”

Jeongin stared at him with dreamy eyes, pupils blown in bliss and clouded with a misty fondness. “Always when I’m with you.”

Hyunjin chuckled lightly, breath fanning Jeongin’s petal lips. “Gift time?”

Jeongin instantly perked, eyes widened in innocent delight. He smiled widely, toothy and lopsided as he glanced down at the scrapbook. “Gift time!”

Hyunjin let out a slow puff of air through his nose, tamping down his ceaseless nerves. Would Jeongin like it? Or would he be disappointed? Would he cry tears of joyous love, or sneer like a cornered feral cat? His fingers trembled as he gripped the leather bindings of the scrapbook, careful as he passed it into Jeongin’s waiting palms.

Jeongin looked over the cover with a quizzical stare, eyes examining the subtle divots and gaps of the embroidery in the leather. Etched with beige thread, read ‘H.H + J.B’. “A scrapbook?” He guessed.

Hyunjin timidly jerked his head in a nod, feeling the dark strands of his hair drift into his vision. His braid had loosened during their excursions, releasing chunks of hair till Jeongin had tittered and undid the messy thing. Hyunjin had pouted at him, but the calming sensation of Jeongin’s nimble fingers combing the tangles from his locks made his head all fuzzy. Fuzzy and airy till his pursed lips morphed into a joyful stretching of cheeks.

Jeongin gracefully flipped open the book, hands gentle and breath caught in a gasp. The first page was littered in early photos of them with cute stickers in the empty spaces. The pictures were taken from Hyunjin’s as well as their other friends' phones. He had spent copious amounts of money getting them printed on expensive photo paper so they had a more… Finished appearance to them.

“I remember this… It was around the time you showed me your tree,” Jeongin reminisced, fingers dancing along the airtight edges of the picture. It was of them, smiling brightly with a blurry smudge of a wriggling Kkami in Hyunjin’s arms and the sketch of Kkami in Jeongin’s. “I was so scared of showing you that piece, yknow?”

Hyunjin tilted his head in curiosity, brows creased in confusion. “Why? It was so good! I even framed it!” He gestured to the wall hanging on the other side of the room, the sketch sealed in a wooden frame Hyunjin had purchased at the mall only a day after receiving the precious gift. “I loved it, it made me feel like you really cared.”

“Of course I cared, Hyunjin. You were my friend and-“ 

Hyunjin cut him off with a whine, “I know! But my trust issues were through the roof back then, remember? I was, like, totally convinced you were gonna back stab me.”

Jeongin grumbled, jutting his bottom lip out in a pout as he then turned the page. He immediately broke into a smile. “This was the Halloween party at Johnny’s.” Jeongin stared at the image of the four of them: Felix, Seungmin, Hyunjin, and him, all huddled together in their costumes in the bustling crowd of the party. “I realized I liked you a little while before this, actually… Always made my heart beat like crazy,” He laughed breathily.

Hyunjin smiled softly at the memory, especially of them in the dim privacy of the car. He was reminded of something, “You called me a pipe dream that night.”

Jeongin paused, “Did I? I… Yeah, I think I did.”

“Why?”

Jeongin swallowed, pressing his lips in a tight line. He then let out a resigned sigh, “I thought you were too good to be true.”

Hyunjin let out a noise of understanding, nodding his head along with it. “Guess we both had that in common: thinking the other was playing us.” He thought for a moment, another memory boiling up to the surface. “You held my hand that night too. I think it was the first time you did that when I wasn't having a panic attack.”

Jeongin laughed at the reminder, his former grin returning to those pretty lips. “Your hand was so damn sweaty, it was cute.”

“How is me having gross, moist hands cute?!” Hyunjin barked out an incredulous chuckle of his own. His head fell onto Jeongin’s shoulder as his body rumbled with the sound. “You’re so fucking dumb, Jeongie.”

“You like it, though!” Jeongin flipped the page once more, a snort leaving his throat. “Oh my god. Are these screenshots of you freaking out over me?”

The screenshots in question were indeed of him panicking and screaming in Lucas’ dms. He decided to include them because it showcased the way he slowly became enraptured by Jeongin. At first, he just thought he was attractive, all dimpled smiles and flimsy curls. He was also thoroughly convinced his niceties were tricks, leading him to erect steel walls around his frail heart. It revealed how Jeongin chipped away at those blockages, using iron blow torches and crow bars to pry them away. He did the same, toeing through mazes in a garden of thorns till he was met with the radiant golden beating of Jeongin’s heart.

It was how Hyunjin learned who he was, learned how he functioned. He learned how he hated mint, but refused to use anything other than mint toothpaste and gum. He learned how he loved having people sit in his lap, especially when he could watch whatever the other was working on. He learned how his clothes were stained with charcoal and how he always carried a box of them in his belongings, just in case inspiration struck him without warning. He learned how Jeongin loved playing with Hyunjin’s fingers, loved feeling them slot between his own. He learned. He won’t stop learning.

They continued to converse about the pictures for ages, turning the pages of the scrapbook once they recounted their tales. Jeongin’s eyes fell upon one image, one that made his vibrant features careen into a pinched frown.

“This… This was when I…” Jeongin guiltily gazed at Hyunjin, the latter removing his head from the cushion of Jeongin’s shoulder with a quirked brow. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?” Hyunjin asked, eyes flitting between the picture and Jeongin’s pitifully solemn expression.

“I led you on for so long back then… I didn’t even know it,” He softly admitted, gaze grimly downcast towards the photo. “I hadn’t… I hadn’t realized how shitty my first confession was. As much as I tease you, I truly don’t think anyone would have understood it. That’s… That’s on me.”

Hyunjin sighed, resting his palm over the back of Jeongin’s hand in an effort to soothe his fretting. “It’s in the past, angel. We’re together now, right? No need to harp on our previous mistakes.”

Jeongin shook his head, shifting his body so he was fully facing Hyunjin. He let a tired sigh push past his lips. “That doesn’t make it okay, Hyunjin. I liked you so much, and all I had to do was just say it.” His nose crinkled in distaste, lips turned down in a scowl as he continued. “If I had, I wouldn’t have hurt you. You must have been so miserable, so- So confused. I'm sorry for that. I- I am so deeply sorry for that, Hyunnie.”

Hyunjin pitched forward, clumsily nuzzling into the hill of Jeongin’s nose. “I accept your apology, Jeongin. Now, stop focusing on all this sad stuff! I didn’t make this photo album to make us upset.”

Jeongin let out a wispy chuckle, “Sorry, sorry.” He began to flit through the pages once more, stalling on one where a photo of his portrait of Hyunjin was pasted. He smiled, cheeks dipping into those divine dimples that made Hyunjin’s insides swirl with hummingbirds and sun rays. He fought the urge to pinch them. “I remember being so frightened to show you those. Lucas had handed me my ass, like, a few days prior and I was so nervous,” He laughed, shaking his head in amusement at the memory.

Hyunjin narrowed his eyes, brows lifted in surprise. “You talked to him back then? I didn’t even know you had his number.”

Jeongin hummed, fingers idly tracing the sketched lines printed on the picture. “I asked him what to do about you. I liked you and I knew you liked me, but I didn’t know what we were or what you wanted us to be. So, I asked him to help me out. He told me to be clear with my intentions-“ He gestured vaguely, trying to convey his point. “Yknow, stop beating around the bush like a pussy and go ‘Hey, I like you! I wanna date you!’. He didn’t seem to like me much, but I didn’t hold it against him.”

Hyunjin gawked, eyes blown wide at his confession. Lucas had never mentioned this! He didn’t even tell Hyunjin they spoke beyond instagram replies. “I can’t believe you two were plotting together!”

Jeongin rolled his eyes, teeth sunk into his bottom lip to hide his smile. “It was more like him giving me the shove I needed to confess to you properly. I can’t remember if I ever got to thank him for that.”

“I’m sure he knows how grateful you are. After all, you wouldn’t be nearly as happy without me!”

Jeongin let a sigh fall past his lips, corners of his mouth uplifted in a content grin. He raised a hand to cup Hyunjin’s cheek, palm warm and tender as it affectionately stroked the high of Hyunjin’s cheekbone. “You’re right, my life would be devoid of all wonders without my sweet boy by my side.”

Hyunjin let out a high pitched giggle, the cheeps and squeals making his vocal chords twinge. He felt his skin heat, a comfortable singe to the peach fuzz on his cheeks. “I love when you call me that! I’ll never get tired of it.” He tugged his legs to his chest, pillowing his chin atop his knees. “Makes me feel fuzzy inside.”

Jeongin purred, a soft trilling sound filling Hyunjin’s eardrums. “That’s the point, my love. Wanna make you feel so special and-“ He stalled, voice tapering off unexpectedly. His cheeks abruptly flushed with a crimson sheen.

Hyunjin blinked innocently as he awaited Jeongin’s response. “And?”

Jeongin groaned childishly, digging his heels into the couch cushion as he pouted. “Wanna make you feel like- like you’re mine…” He muttered shyly, soft lilts of bashfulness mixing with his cutely slurred speech. “My special boy.”

“Well, I am yours, silly.” Hyunjin shot him a smile, kind and adoring, as he preened into the smooth wrinkles and lines etched into Jeongin’s palm. He swore one day they would permanently dent his cheek with how fervently he always pressed himself into them. “And you’re mine. My lovely angel, Jeongin.”

Jeongin bit his lip to halt his widening smile, cheeks flooding with dustings of pink. He looked mesmerizing… A dream come to life. Not even a sirens song could be more alluring. “‘M all yours…” He echoed, “I’m Hyunnie’s.”

Hyunjin found himself gasping softly at the admittance, nearly choking on his own saliva. He knew it was true, that Jeongin didn’t need to say it because he _showed_ it. But he did. He did, and he looked so fucking precious to boot. “That’s right,” Hyunjin happily chimed, voice a little gravelly from the shock. “Mine, all mine. _My_ love, _my_ soulmate, my-“

“That’s enough! You’re gonna send me into cardiac arrest if you keep saying that stuff!” Jeongin screeched, his entire face dyed bell pepper red. He used his hands to shield it from Hyunjin’s view, vigorously shaking his head as the muffled squeals fell from his lips. The tips of his ears peeked out between the folds of his hair as the strands swayed. They stood out from the curly muss of brown with a similar maroon tint. “You’re so mean!”

Hyunjin chortled, “Hey, we’re not even done looking through your gift! You’re gonna think I’m downright immoral if you’re this flustered now!” He pitched forward to shower the back of his hands with kisses. They were feather light, soft as petals as they brushed upon Jeongin’s knuckles and nails. “Let me see you, baby.”

Jeongin hissed, reluctantly lowering his hands to reveal his pink cheeks. They looked like cherry blossoms, vibrant pinks and pastel shading coating the skin. “I love you,” He mumbled.

Hyunjin felt his lips curl in a grin, gummy and smug as he then leaned forward to steal a kiss. “I love you even more.”

Jeongin trilled, “Mm, I love you the most.” He turned his attention back to the photo album before Hyunjin could even muster a rebuttal. That earned him a gentle nip to his cheek, sealed over with a grazing of lips to the flesh. “Hey, is this…”

“The first time you let me kiss you,” Hyunjin finished, a whimsy smile etched upon his lips. He could still recall the taste of Jeongin’s nerves that day. The flavor of his vulnerability, sour yet sweet drops on the tip of Hyunjin’s tongue. It was like a sour patch kid, funnily enough. Bitter crystals covering a sugary treat. “I don’t know if that… Meant as much to you as it did to me, but I wanted to add it in there. For, uhm, sentimental value.”

“Oh, Hyunnie…” Jeongin cooed, face slacked and dark brows pinched in distress. “My love, I-“ His eyes grew wet, moisture pooling in the stars. “I remember, baby. That meant tons to me, that you- You waited. That was the third time we kissed, ever!” Tears flowed freely down his plush cheeks, glitter and twinkles slipping down the skin. “You waited a whole month to kiss me a third time, even longer for us to come out to our friends…”

“I never minded the wait, Jeongie,” Hyunjin placated, delicately swiping his thumb beneath Jeongin’s eye. He preened into his palm, sticky and wet as Hyunjin cradled him.

“It was magical though, wasn’t it?” Jeongin abruptly mused, a shy smile amongst a tearful gaze. “When you kissed me, I mean.” He shuffled closer to Hyunjin, shoulder to shoulder as he held the scrapbook up for them both to admire. “I thought it was. The way you spoke so kindly to me, always asking me if it was okay to do this and that.” He laughed, Hyunjin finding it absurdly difficult not to join the quiet chuckles. He snuggled up against Jeongin, body molding to his as he listened. “You looked beautiful that day, too. I remember how fast my heart was pounding when I laid eyes on you… That bashful blush of yours always did things to me. And, jesus, your smile! Gosh, Hyunjin, you’ve got a smile like no other, yknow that? It’s- It’s dazzling, but it’s cozy. It’s familiar and gorgeous and warm and- And it’s home,” Jeongin panted from his loving tirade, parted lips wobbling from the emotion. He began to shake with warbled hics, happy tears once again rising to his waterline. “You’re my home. I knew it then, when you took such care in ensuring that I was safe and comfortable, that you were someone who would be irreplaceable in my life. And I, I wanted to be the same for you. I vowed that day, that regardless of if we were destined to be lovers, that I would be your home too. Whether we were friends, or soulmates, or whatever else in between. I wanted to be with you. I wanted to be by your side.”

Hyunjin sat star struck, mouth agape in awe. He felt a heat trail down his face, vaguely realizing the presence of teardrops as they rapidly slid down the smooth hills of his cheekbones. “I- I don’t know what to say.”

“Then don’t say anything.” Jeongin rested a steady hand atop Hyunjin’s thigh, the other removing the scrapbook from his lap. He braced himself against Hyunjin’s leg as he closed the distance between them, eyes half lidded and chests pressed flush. He slotted their lips together, salt and stars mixing on their tongues. It was gentle: patient and ethereal like viewing a young butterfly unravel it’s wings for the very first time. The sensations only for them to bask in. Jeongin had spoken between slow kisses, muted as Hyunjin eagerly drank each word like an addict. Perhaps he was. “Just feel, baby.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi this took forever cause god hates me and gave me mental illness. anyways i hope u like it !!!! i wanted to do more w it but i started losing motivation 2 write it by the end :/ I DONT KNOW WHY THO..... i literally luv this idea sm ?? god rly just said fuck xav rights.  
> anyways please leave me feedback on this !!!!!!!!!!! also i think i posted peach tree almost year ago so this is double anniversary :)  
> also i’m planning a very not fun one shot fr the boys soon :) you will hate me :) it’s gonna be heavy and leave u crying... it is not fr a few updates tho cause i have some requests i gotta do first !!!! and other ideas hehehhe  
> OK i love u guys thank u sm fr being patient !!!!! i’m going thru some things and i’m just rly stressed a lot now so it’s hard to not be exhausted anymore.... however my boys and my readers always make me so so happy heheh :3 pls lmk wht u guys thought !!!!! and if u liked it !!!!! stay safe and i love u !!!!! have a great weekend !!!!!


	17. don’t touch me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> never do that again.
> 
> “So I was thinking maybe if your taking requests maybe you could write about Hyunjin wareing skirts around the house and Jeongin helping build up Hyunjin's confidence again to ware them out and also about how what happened at the club affected Hyunjin or even Jeongin seens he did kinda freak out about someone trying to touch Hyunjin.” requested by Queenquinn101 !!!!

Jeongin adored how Hyunjin looked in his skirts. He would prance about their apartment, giggling shyly every time he caught sight of Jeongin staring at him. Jeongin wouldn’t hesitate to split into a grin, cheeks smeared rosy red to match Hyunjin’s pleated skirt. He would twirl and leap and chase Kkami all through their rooms. The fabric would bounce along with him and reveal patches of creamy skin. Jeongin would laugh whenever Hyunjin bashfully covered himself after it did. He never looked, refused to see something neither of them were ready for. But sometimes things weren’t as simply put.

Hyunjin’s skirt had caught in his underwear, just a plain pair of grey briefs. It had hooked in the waist band, just barely an inch of fabric stuffed inside.

Jeongin chuckled to himself when he noticed. He casually sidled up to Hyunjin, swift fingers giving the skirt a tug to release it from its confines. It swayed back to its typical state, before spinning round Hyunjin’s thighs.

Hyunjin had yelped the moment he felt someone touch his clothes, turning sharply with a hand raised, palm flat. His eyes were frantic, terror whirring in the blown out pupils.

Jeongin instinctually took a step back, eyes clamping shut as he flinched. He put his hands on full display to show he didn’t mean any harm, forearms crossed to protect himself. “Hyunjin, it’s just me! Your skirt was-“

“Don’t touch me like that!” Hyunjin hissed, brows pinched angrily as he leered at Jeongin. He lowered his hand, instead clenching it into a balled fist, knuckles whitened. “Don’t ever touch me like that again!”

Jeongin’s mouth felt dry, like someone smothered a cigarette against it again and again till all that was left was a sickening ashy weight in his maw. Grains of nicotine in his teeth and gums bloody, no saliva left in the blackened flesh of his tongue. He hadn’t meant to startle him. He hadn’t meant to elicit that kind of reaction, he- He just wanted to help.

Jeongin knew that Hyunjin had every right to be upset with him, but... His reaction, it felt so charged. It felt like Jeongin had done something unforgivable and he was almost convinced that maybe he had. Part of him was nauseated that he even thought to touch Hyunjin at all. Like he- He was bad. He was tainting him.

“Okay... I’m sorry.” Jeongin swallowed his self pitying wallows, shoving the remnants of ash and cigarette filters down into the acid swirling in his belly. He was hurt, scorned, but it wasn’t about him. Not now. “Are- Are you alright?”

Hyunjin averted his eyes, crossing his arms defensively over his rising chest. His veins pulsed from the tautness of his jaw, poisoned tissue encasing his veins. “I- I guess so.”

“Do you want space?”

Hyunjin parted his lips, suddenly chagrined as he ducked his head to dodge Jeongin’s gaze. He still left Jeongin frightened, but the tenseness in both their bodies began to fade. Fade and dwindle like fog on fall mornings. “Yeah... Just for now.”

Jeongin nodded, resigned as he softly toed towards the bedroom, fingers still quaking as they grasped the doorknob. He paused at the doorway, only swiveling his head to peer back at him. “Let me know when it’s okay to come out.”

Hyunjin visibly shivered, hands drifting down to hug his hips. His eyes were darting between Jeongin and the skirt resting on his waist. Jeongin’s heart cracked just a bit at the sight. Hyunjin seemed to muster up enough courage to force himself to give a tight lipped smile, guiltridden tilts of the head and quivering lips. “Of course.”

Jeongin had fallen asleep lord knows how long ago. He was worried about Hyunjin, fretting the moment he sprawled on their comforter. He hadn’t seen that fiery side of him since he mistakenly touched the scars coating his ribs long before they became lovers. After the initial shock and pain of being scolded, Jeongin was left with a visceral lack of understanding of what happened. He stressed about it so immensely it left him exhausted, his mind and body powering down like an old desktop computer.

When he awoke it was to a tentative dipping in the mattress. At first, he thought it was Kkami joining him for a snuggle. The bratty little dog always knew when Jeongin was upset. He had garnered a penchant for spending time with him till he became too clingy and love starved to bear. Jeongin was bemused to feel a heavier weight lie beside him, perched at the very edge of the bed. He was acutely aware it was Hyunjin, there were no doubts about it. He smelled like peaches and cream, his favorite body wash. And he shuffled about the bed with anxious energy, like he often did when something was weighing on his conscience.

Jeongin felt the presence of a hand hovering just a hair above his head. It lingered there, waiting in the comfortable quiet of their room. Jeongin took it upon himself to turn towards Hyunjin, the latter surprised by his wakefulness.

“Jeongie? I’m sorry, did I make too much noise?” Hyunjin’s hand fell, hesitantly cupping Jeongin’s cheek. Jeongin could feel the dry pads of his fingers sinking into the indents left by the pillowcase. They filled the divots, rubbing away the lines and wrinkles with soft caresses.  Despite his tenderness, Jeongin couldn’t conceal his flinch in time, a slight flicker of apprehension crossing his features. A scrunch of his nose, a twinge of the eye. 

Hyunjin‘s face fell, a gritting of teeth as he salvaged the will to remove himself from Jeongin. He seemed pained, upset with himself... But not with Jeongin, he realized. Jeongin felt an odd sense of relief at that.

Jeongin let out a slow breath through his nose, eyes fluttering closed for just a moment. “No, don’t worry about it,” He muttered, barely audible above the soft buzz of the heater. He protectively curled his legs close to his torso, adjusting himself ever so slightly to curve in Hyunjin’s direction. He just wanted him to touch him, he yearned for it. Yearned for him to swaddle him and let Jeongin do the same. It was agony having to lay there and have such a vast expanse between them. A canyon with no way across, a valley decimated by a unworldly crater.

“Can...” He heard Hyunjin start, and faint rustling of the sheets as he mimicked Jeongin, attempting to scoot toward him as well. There was still too much space between their bodies, too much chilly ice frosting over Jeongin’s bones. “Can we talk?”

“Yeah,” Jeongin whispered back, posing a hand betwixt the gap. Palm up, fingers lax. An offering. “Yeah, I think we should.”

He heard Hyunjin gulp, neck twitching from the movement. He tentatively reached out, fingers grazing the creases inthe center of Jeongin’s palm. “I’m sorry for scaring you when I... I tried to hit you. It was an instinct thing, I didn’t know it was you till it was too late.”

Jeongin heaved a sigh, clasping his hand around Hyunjin’s meek grip. “I know, don’t worry.”

Hyunjin jerked his head in a nod, cheek smudged by the pillow. “You know I would never strike you, right?” He whispered, remorse and shame braiding the mutednotes of his voice. “I- I‘d never lay a hand on you like that, I promise.”

Jeongin noted the trembling in Hyunjin’s fingers, still poised within his own. He found himself leading them towards his lips, his hand loosely encasing the back of its quaking counterpart. Jeongin turned his head, lips ghosting the supple skin of Hyunjin’s palm.He was gentle, kisses and nudges so light they could be mistaken as figments of a day dream. “I know, Hyunjin. I’m not upset anymore. I just... I just wanna know what happened.”

Hyunjin shimmied closer to Jeongin, their proximity increasing till his head fell upon Jeongin’s shoulder. His hot breath fanned his collarbone, slow and steady as he wedged himself against Jeongin. “I... I don’t really know. One minute I was fine, really. Then I felt something touching my skirt and I suddenly remembered what happened at the club and I- I felt like I was there again, but you weren’t and I was so-“ He rambled, brows creased and face paled from distress. Jeongin‘s mouth met his forehead, feeling the tension begin to ooze upon his lips. “I was... I was afraid. I thought you were that guy or, or some other creep and I just, uhm, I just reacted.”

Jeongin let a soft purr rattle in his throat, tilting his head down so he could brace their foreheads against one another. He gently nuzzled his nose along Hyunjin's, grogginess dimming his ministrations. "I'm sorry I scared you, precious boy,” He breathed, hands moving to wrap around Hyunjin’s frame. He bit back a sleepy grin as he felt him press flush against him. “It was caught in your underwear and I should have just told you about it instead of acting on my own accord.”

Hyunjin whimpered, twisting his hands in the crimson cotton of Jeongin’s shirt. “No, babylove, you were just trying to help. Just... Just warn me, okay? I trust you, I know you would never take advantage of me or- Or do anything gross. I just need to know it’s you.”

Jeongin nodded, a hand drowsily caressing Hyunjin’s forearm. “Okay... Just know I don’t blame you, yeah? Your reaction frightened me, but you stopped yourself once you realized it was me. I want you to have that reaction, god forbid, if anything like that happens and it’s not me.” He angled his head downwards, littering a mess of sticky kisses to Hyunjin’s hair. A warm bubbling babbled in his chest as he heard him giggle. “You’re my sweet boy, no one has any right to fuck with you.”

Hyunjin sighed in content, burying his cute little nose in Jeongin’s shirt. Jeongin felt a heavy weight lift off his chest, pleasant breezes taking its place at the sight. “Why do you always sound so adorable when you say stuff like that?”

Jeongin snickered, slotting a leg between Hyunjin’s and hooking it around his calf. He shivered at the cold sting of his skin. “I think you have worms in your brain.”

“No, I think I just have Jeongin Love Disease.”

Jeongin barked out a laugh, hearty chortles muffled by the luscious locks on Hyunjin’s head. “Fuck, babe, that’s terminal.”

Jeongin felt Hyunjin’s lips curl into a smile against his chest. His hand slipped beneath his shirt and stroked just above Jeongin’s belly button. Jeongin couldn’t help the way he preened into the touch. “Wouldn’t want it any other way.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY LEGENDS i hope u guys liked this request !!!!! it took me a hot minute to do cause i rewrote it !!! at first it was seungmin who accidentally triggered hyunjin, but i felt like it would be more moving / intimate if it was jeongin. in the old one i wrote, it shows more of seungmin and hyunjin being close (which i liked obv) but i couldn’t pin point how jeongin would react to his bff / foster brother triggering hyunjin ? cause they’re both some of the most important ppl in jeongin’s life. like top 3 yknow... he wouldn’t choose between them unless it was smth super fucked up  
> anyways thank u guys sm fr reading !!!!! i rly rly hope u all liked it and tht ur having a good day !!! pls stay safe ilu sm :(


	18. marks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> don’t leave a mark

Jeongin had always loved the way Hyunjin’s hair flowed. The way it would be bound in loose ties, bushels of blackberry hair in intricate braids and ponytails. Jeongin adored it, how it felt between the slots of his fingers. Enamored by the silken strands, the aroma of sweet peaches wafting in creamy swirls. Jeongin would fiddle with it, twirling it around his fingertips or tenderly curling it behind Hyunjin’s ear as he would drink in his features. It was long, luscious, and beautiful as it brushed the slim divots of Hyunjin’s prominent collarbones.

“Jeongie~” He heard a languid voice ring out to his right, warm and slender limbs snaking around his hips. “What are you cooking?”

Jeongin stirred his simmering pot of noodles, the rotini still hard as stones and clunking against the steel walls. “Pasta. I made homemade sauce, if you wanna try it while we wait?” He gestured to the covered saucepan, the dim sound of bubbles bursting resonating from it. Steam clouded the glass lid, drops of condensation building beneath it. “It’s my biological mom’s recipe. She sent it to me before she passed.”

Jeongin had always liked to cook, especially when it was for Hyunjin. He would make him lunches and snacks when he could, scrounging up the time whenever possible. He had a knack for it as well, with Minho and Chris teaching him the ins and outs of the basics as well as more complex dishes once he grew older. His skill wasn’t extraordinary —definitely nothing to write home about— but he could certainly whip up a mean plate of food when he wanted.

Jeongin had never thought that trait was anything special, but part of him… Part of him felt like it constructed a bridge between him and his mother. It paved a path of gold between the two, connecting them to form a glittering road they could finally, _finally_ , reach out. To create a relationship out of rubble and dust, out of needles and scars. Jeongin had been ready to do it, to take her outstretched hand… But then she was gone, the road decrepit once more. He blamed himself for not trying harder, for not pushing himself towards what he’d always longed for. His mother.

Hyunjin purred in delight, low and gravely within his chest as it rippled against Jeongin’s back. He gave Jeongin’s jugular a lighthearted nip, teeth scraping the skin just enough to send a shiver down his spine. “Smells delicious!”

“You’re gonna leave a mark, baby,” Jeongin teasingly chided, the airy gentleness of his voice dispelling any true scolding. He sank into Hyunjin’s frame, a content smile singeing his lips. Abruptly, a smothering chemical stench invaded his nostrils. It throttled his throat and absorbed into the layers of muscles and fat within his body. The mere whiff of it made his lungs contract, stifling a cough. His face crinkled in disgust. “Jesus! What’s that smell? It’s foul.”

Hyunjin’s body stilled, a sudden tautness in his muscles. Jeongin felt his grip on his waist loosen, that familiar meekness of hesitancy Hyunjin had a penchant for when he was caught in the act. 

Jeongin tapped the spoon on the rim of the pot to remove the excess water, calmly setting it down on the counter. He leisurely twirled around, hands lazily grasping and massaging Hyunjin’s tense forearms. He saw a flare of honey, a creamy yellow as he turned. He stifled a gasp, lips agape in awe.

“Hyunnie, you bleached your hair?”

Hyunjin’s cheeks were dyed cherry blossom pink, pastel paint on the bunched highs. He timidly bowed his head, long hair drifting into his face. The strands caught between the slits of his lashes, slicked with a thin sheen of black mascara. “I- Uhm... Yeah… Do- Do you like it?” He cheeped, shy trembles weaved into his voice.

Jeongin cooed, using an affectionate hand to collect the bleached tresses and gingerly tuck it behind the shell of his ear. “I love it, sweet boy. You look magnificent.” He canted forward, pressing his lips to the warm skin of his cheek. He felt the way they stretched beneath his mouth, relieved breaths splashing across Jeongin’s face. “Should have recognized the smell by now. Chris reeked like this every time he did his hair.”

Hyunjin chewed on his bottom lip, the shading of his cheeks swiftly meandering to the tips of his ears. He was grinning, ever bright under Jeongin’s gaze. “Do I look better than he did?”

Jeongin barked out a laugh, the sound soon molting into a low hum. He nosed at Hyunjin’s cupid bow, slowly corralling him into the island. He placed his hands on either side of the counter, trapping Hyunjin betwixt his arms. He tilted his head forward, gentle nudges to Hyunjin’s nose coaxing him to lift his head. “What do you think?” He teased, lips brushing Hyunjin’s chapped ones.

Hyunjin mindlessly chased Jeongin’s kiss, planting chaste pecks to his mouth. Jeongin chuckled at his neediness, at his urgency to touch and love and cherish. He was precious and pure, an angelic pillar amidst a corrupted world.

Hyunjin clung to Jeongin’s sleeves, nails catching the threads of his thermal shirt. He felt more than heard Hyunjin trill, the sound spilling onto Jeongin’s lips as they parted. “I think you like it a lot more than I thought,” Hyunjin giggled, soft tugs at the fabric leading Jeongin right back into his space. “Don’t you?”

Jeongin let out a grunt of affirmation, grazing his lips along the junction of Hyunjin’s neck. He felt the bulb of his Adam’s apple jump against his mouth. Jeongin dug his teeth into the hollow of his throat, a playful nip before smoothing it over with an affectionate litter of pecks. He felt a sudden thwap at the back of his head.

Hyunjin laced his fingers into Jeongin’s curls, giving him a gentle tug to lead him back up to his lips. “And you told me not to leave marks, hm?”

Jeongin snorted indignantly. He sunk his teeth into the flesh of Hyunjin’s bottom lip just to spite him. “Shut it, not my fault you’re hot.”

“And so are your noodles,” Hyunjin quipped, nudging his nose against Jeongin’s. “Overboiling, angel.”

Jeongin gasped, shoving himself away from Hyunjin to turn down the heat of the stove. The water bubbled and fizzled as it hit the gas flame. “Shit!”

Hyunjin erupted into cackles, only growing louder when Jeongin spun to level him with a glare. Jeongin’s features slacked into a fondness, a content smile smearing his cheeks. He fell into a fit of giggles right along with him, both their faces turning berry red from joy.

He could get used to this. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes this was inspired by jeongin actually biting hyunjin’s neck irl. you cannot stop me.  
> ANYWAYS sry fr slow updates ive been busy lately !!!! next chap is gonna be smth w seungmin because i Can and cause ik u guys loved his relationship w hyunjin and innie !!!!!  
> thank u guys sm fr reading and lmk wht u thought !!!! i’m also still taking requests so feel free to send me them thru cc or comment here !!!! i can’t promise they’ll be done quickly but they will be done At Some Point i swear.... god just hates me and makes me sleepy all the time after work instead of letting me write  
> also i came up w another hyunin au but idk if i’ll ever do anything w it tbh. it’s a band au and it’s super angsty but i think it’s rly sweet !!!! it follows hyunins developing relationship while also following seungsungs deteriorating one. it’s very sad and emotional but u guys know me i can’t end things w Pain i’ll literally die  
> ANYWAYS THANK U FR READINF IM GONNA GO NAP I LOVE U !!!!!! STREAM ALL IN IT FUCKS


	19. scars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hyunjin and his scars  
> tw: mentions / physical descriptions of hyunjin’s self harm scars. this chap isn’t sad so dw abt angst it’s just a lovey dovey moment surrounding the appearance of his scars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ik i said next chap would be seungmin but i recently hit two big milestones so i thought i’d post this short cute update first !!!! as a thank u !!!! i hit 300 followers on my au twt and peach tree hit 10k hits this month !!!!! thank you guys so much and i’m 🥺🥺 i love you all and i rly wouldn’t have been so happy without you guys supporting me and my writing. i used to hate writing because i thought my work was terrible so i stopped doing it fr YEARS. now i write all the time and i’m just. idk i’m so thankful to have u all supporting me and enjoying my work

Jeongin’s lips ghosted the faint ridges, gentle pressings to the neat lines arranged on Hyunjin’s shivering ribcage. Hyunjin vaguely recalled the first time he’d seen them- _Really_ seen them. No stealing glimpses from slits of skin, no accidental brushes of fingertips over bulging tissue. Just a full frontal view: pale, raised scars, and fidgeting hands. Shirt soiled and discarded, and Jeongin’s palms distractedly kneading his hips.

“It’s okay, Hyunjin. I’m right here,” He had cooed, eyes carefully shifting from his torso up to his face. He had given him a wobbly smile, distraught and tersely bound. “Accidents happen. We can just wash it.”

Hyunjin had spilled something, god knows what, all over himself and his favorite shirt he had borrowed from Jeongin. He’d broken down in tears, bawling and sniveling over something as asinine as a piece of fabric. Back then, he had fretted about the stain, the possibility that it was ruined and it was _all his fault_. Everything was so much, so inanely overwhelming that he could barely find the time to breathe before his panic attacks and depressive episodes set in. He had been fraying at the seams, desperately attempting to sew his edges back together before they spilled his insides along with his drink.

“You’re okay, my darling,” Jeongin had whispered, hushed breaths fanning Hyunjin’s cheek. He had gathered him in his arms, swaying him to the easy beatings of their hearts. He had caressed his sides, thumbs dancing across his battle scars like they weren’t- Weren’t so horrendously disturbing.

Now, months later, Jeongin had instilled a different sort of feeling inside Hyunjin. He littered the area in kisses, presses so tender they felt akin to a spring breeze fluttering about his skin.

“So beautiful, Hyunnie,” Jeongin marveled as he pulled away, hands settled on either side of his waist. “You’re so strong, so-“

Hyunjin cut him off with a searing kiss to his lips, braced on his elbows as he fought back the tears that threatened to spill past his lashes. They moved in tandem, clumsy nuzzles and blissful hums melting their hearts like chocolate. They parted with dizzying pecks, addicted to each other’s taste yet pleading for a gasp of oxygen.

“You’re crying,” Jeongin dimly noted, swiping his thumb across the tear tracks. Hyunjin felt him then push it to his bottom lip, clearing away the layer of saliva that had built up. Hyunjin couldn’t stop the urge to dart his tongue out, the splash of salt from his tears souring his tongue. He heard Jeongin chuckle at his contorted expression. “Silly boy,” He mused, gently guiding Hyunjin to lay back. Jeongin nestled himself atop his chest, poised just high enough so they were nose to nose. He continued to stroke Hyunjin’s cheek, ever kind. “Why are you crying?”

Hyunjin sniffed, shifting his head to rest his forehead against Jeongin’s. Jeongin took it in stride and nudged their noses together, faint trills emanating from his bruised lips. 

Truthfully, Hyunjin hadn’t a clue why he was emotional. He didn’t feel that debilitating depression, the hollow points of sorrowed bullets penetrating his skin. Instead he felt… Light. Like the way the sun would filter through their windows as it rose in the mornings, painting their room in its glorious pinks and oranges. Light like the way his heart would feel when Jeongin would take his hand in public, would sheepishly sneak glances at him as they strode down their street. Light, like how Jeongin was. Jeongin was a ray of blinding technicolor. He was starlight and comet trails in the night sky. He was… He was his. His star, his glimmer of peace. His future.

“I just love you, that’s all.”

Jeongin graced him with a delighted smile, his cheeks dipping into those happy dimples. He connected their lips once again, only for a soft beat. He released a sigh of content as he pulled away, a hand adoringly massaging his scarred side. It was like he couldn’t feel them at all. Or— perhaps better yet— he… He loved them. He didn’t mind their presence because- Because it was still Hyunjin. Hyunjin liked that thought. 

Jeongin gave him a tug, fingerpads lightly digging into Hyunjin’s hip. Hyunjin allowed him to push him further into his space, melded against one another. Jeongin tucked Hyunjin’s head under his chin, lips pressed to the crest of his scalp. Hyunjin felt the way his lips formed the words as he whispered, voice quiet like the drizzle pattering at their windowsill. “I love you too, Hyunjin. Every last bit of you.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok this time i promise next chap is seungmin and jeongin time. i just wanted 2 post smth as a thank u :( u guys mean sm to me and i rly hope u all liked this. i’ll update again soon cause i’m nearly done the next one !!!! pls lmk wht u think and always feel free to request stuff !!!!  
> pls stay safe and have a great week 💛💛 also the all in album fucks. good day


	20. love me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> do you think anyone will ever love me?

“I’ve been speaking with Jisung more lately,” Jeongin mentioned offhandedly, head pillowed on his folded arms rested above his knees. He was sat on the deck, a small patio overlooking the city lights. He loved it out there, even as the car horns and shrill screams of drunken college kids rang late into the night. He could tune it out by now, just reveling in the brisk autumn air. It made him feel alive. The frosty sting on his cheeks. The way it filled his lungs with a refreshing bite, chilly nips at his airways. It was like being doused by a fresh river stream.

Jeongin tipped his head to the side, eyeing Seungmin’s tense posture. “He’s been pretty weird. Won’t tell me what’s going on, but I know somethings up.”

“That blows,” Seungmin snipped; terse and soured like a rotten soup. It was almost palpable, the way it spread across them. Bitter and resentful.

He continued to dislike Jisung, loathe the very fabric of his being. His hatred would burn holes in the quilted cloth of Jisung, flames catching meager threads alight as if they needed any help in burning to a crisp. Seungmin was cruel to him, Jeongin was well aware. Hyunjin had at least begun to view Jisung as a person, a living thing, despite their qualms and quarrels, but Seungmin? Seungmin wouldn’t give Jisung the time of day. Even on the off chance they spoke, Seungmin would poke and prod at Jisung’s buttons. He would give him hell for nothing at all. He was petty and rude, a side of him that Jeongin despised despite their years. They were best friends— brothers, even— but regardless there were...  _ things _ they couldn’t accept about the other. Idiosyncrasies, was perhaps a better description. Jeongin’s walls, pillars of barbed wires and spiked fences. And Seungmin’s attitude, ludicrous and harsh. They were two halves of a fucked up whole, but they knew how to be individuals. Knew how to coax the other out of those flaws, if only for a short time.

“He just needs someone to talk to. He said Minho has been avoiding him,” Jeongin continued, a crease in his brow as he tamped down the urge to scoff. “I think it’s cause of Chris.”

Seungmin shrugged halfheartedly, only a single shoulder raising. He huffed out a sigh, nostrils flaring while he canted his head up to the cloudy night sky. Jeongin deftly followed his gaze, both of them basking underneath the twinkling stars and murky clouds. “Maybe Minho just doesn’t like him anymore.”

Jeongin breathed out an affronted laugh, head swiveling to look at him. “They’re best friends, Seung. That’d be like if I suddenly stopped talking to Felix.”

“I did,” Seungmin pointed out dumbly, a tight ball of remorse settling in his expression. “For a while, at least.”

Jeongin let out a hum of acknowledgment. That was a dangerous topic, one that Seungmin often dodged unless he brought it up himself. Even then, he wouldn’t harp on it for long. “How is he?”

“Scared. He thinks I don’t like him anymore.”

Jeongin nodded along, signaling Seungmin to continue. He had that familiar wrinkle in his forehead, that tweak at the corner of his lips. It meant he was holding back, wanted to say more but kept his teeth firmly planted on his tongue.

“I-“ Seungmin paused, groaning in exasperation as he slumped back against the patio chair. It creaked in dismay from the sudden shift of weight. “I don’t like him anymore. At least, not like- Like romantically.”

Jeongin quirked a brow at that. “Oh?” That was a shock. Last time he’d mentioned Felix he had insinuated something entirely different.

Seungmin jerked his head in a nod, tilting his body so Jeongin couldn’t gander at his expression. “Yeah.”

Jeongin heaved a hefty sigh, canting his head back against the chair. He lifted a hand to ruffle the back of Seungmin’s hair, the mousy style frizzing from the attention. “What’s up, pup?”

Seungmin whined, high pitched and pouty as he swatted his hand away. “Don’t call me that.”

Jeongin’s lips upturned in a mischievous little smirk, giving Seungmin’s earlobe a playful tug. “Not my fault my best friend’s a rowdy puppy.”

Seungmin rolled his eyes as he faced him. His features shone underneath the dimming moonlight, a cozy grin illuminating his cheeks. “Hey, Jeong?”

“Yeah?”

Seungmin’s smile slowly fell, a vulnerable shimmer to his auburn eyes. They shook with uncertainty, like he was fearful of what Jeongin would say. But…  _ Why? What did he think he would say that would invoke such a thing?  _ “You think I’ll ever be able to find someone? Like you and Hyunjin?”

Jeongin guffawed, lips agape and brows furrowed. “Of course,” He rushed to voice. “Where is this coming from?”

Seungmin let out a long sigh, reaching a hand out and leaving it to hang lax between them. Jeongin wasted no time in lacing their fingers, twining their hands and rubbing the pad of his thumb along the humps of his knuckles. It was reminiscent of when they were young, taking solace in each other’s sweaty palms and trembling ligaments. They were inseparable then: in their shared foster home, their adoptive families, and even when they traveled overseas to live in America. It had been a grounding tactic, clutching something warm and close and  _ alive _ . Something-  _ Someone _ with a pulse.

Jeongin had been the one to start it, to latch onto Seungmin’s hand during the hot Australian nights. Too humid to cuddle, but still feverish in his attempts to find comfort in Seungmin. They would sleep every night like that, hands bound and fan blowing. Even when Jeongin finally slunk out of that shell of his, he’d still chase after Seungmin. He’d cheer and call and jump upon his back like the hyper kids they were.

When they’d moved to America, to a small town in New Jersey, the roles had abruptly been reversed. Seungmin would cower behind Jeongin, bawl his little eyes out when they were taken apart. He even threw tantrums if his parents didn’t let him have dinner with Jeongin after school. He would cling to Jeongin like he was a teddy bear, arm flushed to his defiantly puffed up chest. He was a shy thing, all of a sudden. Shriveling up like a grape in the sun while Jeongin himself flowered into a beautiful garden. It used to be Jeongin hiding in Seungmin’s shadow, but then? Seungmin had been so scared, so unsure of his place in this big new town with these big new kids. He anchored himself to Jeongin because that’s all they knew how to do when they were frightened back then. They’d learned other ways over the years, but… Well, Jeongin sufficed that maybe they might never fully grow out of that old habit.

“I’ve just-“ Seungmin huffed a frustrated breath, nimble fingers tightening on Jeongin’s open palm. “What if I’m not fit for love? To- To  _ be _ loved.” Seungmin turned to him with worried brows, deep creases in the delicate folds of his forehead. He looked pitiful, almost fragile as his lips wobbled. “I- I’m too abrasive. I’m hostile and defensive. I just- I can’t, I can’t let anyone in.”

“You let Hyunjin in,” Jeongin duly corrected, “And Felix.”

Seungmin frowned, his free hand coming up to swipe under his nose. “They don’t count,” He stubbornly muttered.

Jeongin’s mouth felt dry, a desert forming on the tip of his tongue. He understood how Seungmin felt, empathized with it. But saying that- It won’t help. It won’t answer his heartbreaking queries nor dispel the doubts simmering in his belly. “I think they do,” He settled on saying, “I think- I think you should start getting to know people before you cast them away, though. One wrong move, a wonky smile, or even a badly timed stutter can make you close someone out.”

“That’s not-“

Jeongin narrowed his eyes, leveling him with a heated glare. “It is true, don’t even try it,” He warned, “I love you, Seungmin, but you need to stop giving people strikes when they haven’t even stepped on the field. You can’t expect people to try to become your friend when you’ve already made it clear they’ve fucked up.”

Seungmin stayed silent, a tensive quiet thick as curdled cream looming over the patio. 

Jeongin felt a pit of remorse forming in the bottom of his stomach, bubbling melancholic tar filling his lower intestines. “I’m sorry, that was tactless.”

“No, I- You’re right. I just… I just think it’s easier said than done, I suppose. My head just- It screams and shouts at me till I can’t hear anything but it’s stupid petty shit. It tells me these people will reject me, that they’ll abandon me or, or hurt me,” Seungmin sniffled, the frail sound rousing Jeongin’s feeble little heart into action. He embraced Seungmin, arms wound snugly around his frame. He cradled the back of his hair, fingers threaded in the messy locks. Seungmin nuzzled into his shoulder, crinkled features smooshed into his shirt as he let out a muffled whimper. “I don’t wanna be hurt, Jeongie,” He tearfully admitted, “I- I’m scared.”

Jeongin felt his heart clench, a ring of wire circling the pained organ. He planted a kiss to the crown of his hair, “I know, puppy… I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi here’s the seungmin time i promised :) ik the ending is kinda wonky but i didn’t wanna spoil future tingz w it....   
> ANYWAYS next update i think i’m gonna make the rly angsty one.... u guys will prolly wanna kill me fr it but :)it’ll also prolly take me a hot second 2 write  
> thank u guys sm fr reading and lmk wht u thought !!!!! stay safe n have a great weekend !!!!


	21. break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i can’t take it anymore

“Jisung- Jisung, it’s 4 am. No-“

Hyunjin griped, sleep aptly wriggling from his grasp. He rolled over onto his side, head pillowed by his hand. He listened to the hushed whispers, ears instinctively honed to the familiarity of Jeongin’s strain.

“You shouldn’t do that. You have work, remember?” Jeongin grit into the phone. Hyunjin heard his timbre waver, frustration gnawing at the worn edges. Still, he kept it level, stern yet understanding tone handling the situation like he does all else. “You need that money, Ji.”

Hyunjin hated that. He loathed every irksome moment of it. Jisung would call and call and  _ call  _ until Jeongin begrudgingly answered the phone. Every night. For a week straight. Sure, Hyunjin could theoretically deal with it once, maybe even twice! But for the sixth night? In a  _ row?  _ Stealing  _ his _ boyfriend from  _ their _ bed to talk about whatever idiotic bullshit he decided was so important he had to burden Jeongin with at god knows when? Fuck, he was sick and tired of it! He left no room for anyone else!

“Jeongin,” Hyunjin found himself saying, voice thick like gravel as it tumbled from his throat. He rolled over onto his back to garner a better view of Jeongin. His shoulders were hunched and stiff, the muscles of his back rippling and flexing from his agitation. He had his elbow rested atop his knee, two fingers pinching the elegant bridge of his nose. He was bathed in beautiful moonlight, so ethereal despite the crinkle in his otherwise joyous features. It would be a heinous crime —an act of blasphemy, perhaps— not to see him smile in that light. “Come back, angel.”

Jeongin peeked over his shoulder, brows contorted guiltily as he still held the phone to his ear. “Jisung, I love you, but- Please, you need to-“ He attempted to sway the conversation, but by the defeated sigh falling from his lips Hyunjin assumed it wasn’t going his way. “No, you can’t function without sleep. You need to rest.”

Hyunjin puffed out his cheeks, shooing his temper back into its quaint little box like a dog to a crate. Jeongin was a kind soul. He never knew how to say no to his friends. He was nurturing, doting, and devoted to his loved ones to a fault. Perhaps even fatally so. He was a pushover; too giving that he often forgot he was allowed to take. It wasn’t like Hyunjin was any different, but that didn’t make the situation any less maddening. 

Hyunjin sat up fully, sleepily clambering over to Jeongin. He covered him with his body, his chest molding around Jeongin’s taut back. He felt like a plastic sheet spread thin, threads moments from unraveling at the center. He rested his chin upon his shoulder, eyes half lidded as he canted his head against Jeongin’s. “C’mon, Jeongie bunny,” He drawled into his ear, hot breath purposefully fanning the dainty shell. He didn’t miss the minute shiver that danced down Jeongin’s spine. “It's time to sleep-“

“Not now, Hyunjin,” Jeongin responded tersely, harsh words from pink lips. He then rotated his head, glancing at Hyunjin with a torn look in those misted eyes. He heaved a regretful sigh, eyes squinting shut as he calmed himself. He lifted a hand to cradle the back of Hyunjin’s hair, knotting his fingers in the blonde masses. “I’m sorry. Just go back to sleep, baby. I’ll be out on the deck, okay?”

Hyunjin let out an astonished scoff, roughly shoving Jeongin’s limbs out of his space. “Whatever,” He grunted, near irate from such a slight.

How could he choose Jisung over him? How could he sit there with a straight face and  _ reject _ him so simply like that? It- It wasn't right! It wasn’t fucking  _ right _ !

* * *

Hyunjin woke up to a staggeringly emptier bed than he’d fallen asleep in. The sheets were chilled, icy to the touch like crystals of frost on the yellowed blades of grass. Jeongin’s side was still jumbled and wrinkled like it had been when he’d left Hyunjin alone. Meaning: He never returned to their bed last night. 

A part of Hyunjin was bitterly pleased by that fact, sour splashes of anger still dripping onto his heart. He was almost impressed, actually. Impressed and nonplussed over Jeongin’s disappearance as though Hyunjin himself wasn’t the one who turned him away. That’s when it settled inside him, the sickening realization. He turned Jeongin away, and away Jeongin went.

Hyunjin hurriedly skittered out of bed, startling Kkami from his restful sleep at the foot of Jeongin’s side. Kkami gave him a sharp yip before returning to his slumber. Hyunjin padded out towards the kitchen. Smacks of his feet against the laminant the only sound in the dismal space of the apartment. Had it always been so… Dull?

Hyunjin circled the living room, examining every notch in the wood tabletop and every smudge on the glass panes of the windows. He saw something, just a blur, at the corner of his peripheral. He whipped around towards the mass of color, morning dew and a light fog coating the glass sliding door and distorting the figure behind it. He approached it, opening it with a swift motion.

“Jeongin?” Hyunjin squawked, baffled at the hunched form in the patio chair. Jeongin was shivering, cheeks tinged red from the winter chill. “Shit, baby, it’s freezing out!” He wasted not a second in gathering Jeongin in his arms, hissing from the prickles of ice matted to his hair. “Jeongie, honey, wake up.”

Jeongin let out a choked groan, an aborted wheeze crawling up his frosted throat. His quivering fingers latched to Hyunjin’s sleeves, the charcoal remnants in the divots of his fingerprints replaced by a harrowing blue shading. “H-Hyunnie?” Jeongin’s teeth clattered in his jaw, chin wobbling as he sunk into Hyunjin’s warmth. “S’ cold… Wh-why is it-“

Hyunjin shushed him, hoisting him up in a bridal carry. Jeongin furled against his chest, a tiny thing struck by the unforgiving winter night. He was like a pansy in the first frost, damaged and bitten by Jack himself. Too feeble, too delicate to survive the lightest of coats. One gust would crack and break his petals, the canary yellow beauties disintegrating at his finger tips.

“Hyunnie…” Jeongin bemoaned, huffed pants falling from his shivering lips. “You should be- Y-You…” A violent cough fought its way out of his windpipe. “Don’t worry ‘bout m… Me.” 

Hyunjin huffed, dismissing his ramblings with a shake of the head. He carried him inside, carefully dodging Kkami’s concerned barks and rampant clicks of his nails on the floor. “We’ll get you all warmed up, okay? Just rest.”

Jeongin whimpered as Hyunjin laid him on their bed, arms still fastened around his neck. “Don’t go…”

Hyunjin felt a metal coil envelope his heart. He pressed his lips to his forehead while he tugged the blankets up to Jeongin’s shoulders. “Wouldn’t dream of it.”

* * *

“Sweet boy, I’m sorry… I’m just so tired, can we- Can we please reschedule?” Jeongin pled from the confines of their bed. He gave him an apologetic smile, lips closed and eyes darting from his phone to Hyunjin’s tense frame. He had heavy dark circles, splotches of purple and black dyeing the bags beneath his eyes. “Can we just cuddle? Watch some movies?”

Hyunjin was standing in the doorway, dressed up all pretty for their date night on the town. He had spent 40 minutes in the bathroom doing his hair and makeup, only for Jeongin to- To cancel! And what made matters worse was he knew why. He knew Jeongin was speaking with Jisung, knew he spent last night chatting it up with him despite Hyunjin begging for him to stay and sleep  _ again _ .

“Are you kidding,” Hyunjin exasperated, arms crossed over his chest. His brows were knit, irate creases and hollowed eyes. He poked his tongue out to lick at the gloss coating his lips, the chemical taste not nearly as jarring as Jeongin’s request. “We’ve had this planned for weeks.”

Jeongin heaved a sigh, guilt ridden and contrite. “I know, Hyunjin, I’m sorry.”

Hyunjin scoffed, turning on his heel to scrub away the makeup and vexation from his skin. “Whatever.”

Hyunjin decided he didn’t want to return to their bed that night.

* * *

“Hyunnie, I miss you~” Jeongin cooed into the phone, sickly sweet voice boring into Hyunjin’s pained heart.

Hyunjin was still upset. Lucas had told him he was overreacting, that it was just one time… But it  _ wasn’t _ . Jisung had been- Jeongin-  _ They’d _ been speaking so often lately. An entire month had gone by since he found Jeongin passed out on the deck, and it’d only gotten worse since then. From the moment Jeongin would rise from their bed to the second his eyes would flit close for the night, Jisung would be greedily sucking all of Jeongin’s time away. He was a leech, a parasite.

Jeongin would forget to eat, forget to drink, forget to do just about anything besides care for Jisung. It was becoming a phenomenon all too common. Hyunjin’s anger was inflating beyond its bounds, a balloon too stiff to keep stretching its walls.

“I miss you too,” Hyunjin still replied, meaning every word of it. He missed Jeongin dearly, sincerely. He missed him like a desert missed the rain, like the winter missed the subtle rays of spring.

“When will you be home?”

Hyunjin let out a pensive hum, “Not sure… I’ll call you when I leave though.”

“Promiseee?” Jeongin droned, an excitable lilt in his timbre.

Hyunjin bit back a grin, meager and longing. “Promise, Jeong.”

* * *

“ _ Jisung _ , I- What’s happening? Please, talk to me!” Jeongin exclaimed, his voice cracking from the strain. “No, don’t hang up, please-“

“What’s going on?” Hyunjin pried, only just setting foot in the door after an unsettlingly hopeful day. He almost regretted doing so, dreading the onslaught of whatever excuses Jeongin would throw at him that night.

Hyunjin knew- Well, he  _ thought _ he knew, that Jeongin would never… Never cheat. That he’d never betray Hyunjin in that way, that he’d be honest in his feelings or lack thereof. But now, walking in on that snippet, it seemed too coincidental. Too many things added up then, too many occurrences to dismiss.

“Jeongin,” Hyunjin repeated, kicking the door closed behind him. It slammed, echoing through the entire floor of the apartment building. The door frame shook, wobbling the hinges and almost bouncing right back open from the force.

“Not now, Hyunjin!” Jeongin seethed, speaking through the gaps in his pearly teeth. He was agitated, fingers flexing as he continued to hushedly plead with Jisung. “Wait- Don’t hang- Ugh!” He raised his phone, fingers clenched around it in a fist before he took a deep breath. He lowered it, slowly, till his hand fell back to his side.

“What was that?” Hyunjin shouldered past Jeongin, knocking into him forcefully so he would have no choice but to finally bestow him the attention he’d been clawing for. “And don’t tell me it was nothing.”

Jeongin let out an astonished yip when their shoulders collided, the weight of his stare heavy on the nape of Hyunjin’s neck. “I- It really wasn’t anything. Jisung is just upset…”

Hyunjin scoffed incredulously, a bewildered laugh bitterly nipping at his tongue. “Yeah? Sounded like nothing with how much you begged him to stay on the line.”

“Hey, no,” Jeongin stalled, hurriedly dawdling towards Hyunjin with rapid steps. “What is this about? You’re not like this.” He grasped Hyunjin’s shoulder, loving fingers coming all too late to heal Hyunjin’s heart.

Hyunjin whipped around, slapping Jeongin’s hand away with a glower souring his features. “I’m not like this? Are you kidding?” He screeched, face pinched in rage, in hurt, in heart break. His temper flared, and he couldn’t contain the flames any longer. “Fuck, Jeongin, you barely look at me anymore!”

Jeongin took an abrupt step back, hands poised in front of him in surrender. Hyunjin caught a glimpse of his ring, their matching promise rings… Some fucking promise, huh. “Hyu-“

“ _ Don’t! _ ” Hyunjin screamed, lungs contracting erratically as he finally broke. As he shattered like a china plate connecting with a tile floor. “If you wanna be with Jisung so bad then go!  _ Go! _ ” He manically gesticulated towards the door, strands of hair flying wildly into his eyes. “I don’t want this anymore! Just-  _ Break up with me! _ ”

Jeongin’s face fell, bottom lip quivering as he stared back at Hyunjin. His eyes grew wet, brown and white flooding with searing red veins and muddled fluid. He choked back a sob, shoulders convulsing as he clamped a hand over his mouth. His ring glittered in the light, a tear cascading down to envelope the metal in moisture.

“ _ Okay _ .”

* * *

Jeongin left with a hole in his heart. A chisel had lodged itself in the stone of it, a sturdy hammer chipping it in two with a single blow. Jeongin could feel the organ decay, the crumbling ash soiling his insides. He gripped his phone tightly in his palm, knuckles tingeing white from the pressure. He shook, knobs of his spine wracking with sob soaked shivers.

“Jeongin?” A voice, so far yet so close… Jeongin hadn’t realized where he’d walked. Hadn’t realized his fingers had tapped on the door of his best friend’s apartment. Hadn’t realized the rain had matted his hair to his cheeks and his clothes to his body. “What the hell- Did you walk in this weather?”

Seungmin ushered him inside, careful touches to his frame as he shed him of his wet garments. “What happened?”

Jeongin crinkled his nose as his shirt stuck uncomfortably to his skin. He peeled it off, Seungmin collecting it and handing him a fresh towel to pat the excess moisture away. “I-“ He stopped, gaze locked on the ring on his left hand. He felt himself freeze, ice crackling along the hairs of his arms. Black ice, imperceptible to the naked eye, covered him. It locked him in place, clogging his windpipe with layers of snow. “I think- I think we broke up.”

* * *

“Oh, Jeong…” Felix’s voice rang through the speaker. He insisted on a boys night facetime call to cheer Jeongin up, and of course, Jeongin and Seungmin could never say no to Lix. “He thought you were cheating? You, you would never do that. You love him to bits.”

Seungmin hummed in agreement, his arm snugly looped around Jeongin’s waist. Jeongin nestled into Seungmin’s neck, forehead pressed to his jugular. “What was Jisung even doing talking to you that much? Doesn’t he have other friends?” He questioned accusatorily.

Jeongin grunted in disapproval, narrowing his eyes at Seungmin through his dampened lashes. “It's not his fault.”

“I haven’t seen him in a long time,” Felix mentioned offhandedly. He looked to the side in thought, eyes fuzzy as he stared offscreen. “Last I heard, Changbin said Minho told him they couldn’t be friends.”

Seungmin let out a boisterous laugh, a bark of surprise more than entertainment. “What?”

“I told you that,” Jeongin cut in, fingers toying with the strings of Seungmin’s sweatpants. “Chris doesn’t like Jisung, so Minho…” He trailed off, voice dipping into a whisper. “He left.”

Seungmin nodded solemnly, “That blows.”

“How eloquent,” Felix chimed, a teasing smile quirking at his lip.

Seungmin’s cheeks flared with a dusting of pink, jutting his bottom lip out in a bashful pout. “Fuck off.”

Jeongin tuned out the rest of the conversation. He was content, in a way. He was elated they still clicked, that even with miles between Felix and them that they acted like they were only inches apart. Felix and Seungmin were two facets of his life he vowed never to lose. No matter the toll, he would give it all to stay with them. He was certain they felt the same.

“Hey, space cadet, what’s on your mind?” Felix asked, a curious tilt of his head shown on the video call.

Jeongin shrugged, limbs still tangled and melded to Seungmin’s side. He felt Seungmin give his torso a supportive squeeze, kind eyes awaiting his response. Seungmin was a good brother. He was glad he had the honor of calling him his. “Just thinking.”

“About?” Felix pressed before scrambling to add, “You don’t have to tell us. We’re here for you no matter what.”

“I know…” Jeongin bit back a weak grin, the back of his hand raised to wipe at the wetness that never seemed to leave his under eyes. “Just thankful you guys are here.”

* * *

“Jeong, hey, I heard what happened with Hyunjin…” Chris had called later that night, stirring Jeongin from his slumber after Seungmin informed him of the caller id. “Do you wanna talk about it?”

Chris always bolstered a specific aura. A sense of something that Jeongin had never been able to fully describe. Just hearing his voice, hearing that concerned wave and the familiar stretch of his syllables… It made Jeongin break. The tears, though never truly dried, sprung right back to his ducts. He unslotted his limbs from Seungmin’s, hurriedly stumbling towards the living room for some privacy despite Felix and Seungmin’s troubled calls.

“Chrissy-“ Jeongin tried, a shuddering breath tearing him apart from the inside out.

Chris shushed him, guiding him through a simple breathing technique to settle his lungs. “You’re okay. Chrissy’s here, yeah? Big bro isn’t going anywhere.”

Jeongin chuckled wetly at his joke, a loud sniffle eminanting from his nose. “Hyunjin… Hy-Hyunnie and I-“ He choked, face contorting as the fresh current of sorrow passed over him. “We, we broke up, I- I think.”

“Oh, Jeong…” Chris placated. He was so nurturing… He felt so warm, just the sound of his voice… It blanketed Jeongin, it- Gosh, he just wanted his big brother. He wanted his hugs and his snuggles and to act like they were little kids again. Little kids whose greatest fears were the shadows of willowy branches in the dark and chipping their parents glass knick knacks.

“I- I love him. I just- I want-“ He sniveled: ugly, grotesque noises from his running nose. “I want m- my Hyunnie.”

He heard Chris sigh, dejected and aching. “I know, J.J. You miss him lots, and that’s okay. It’s okay to be in pain right now.”

“Bu- But I don’t- I don’t know what h-happened,” He hiccuped, “Luh- Like… He thought I was… I was cheating on him with, with Jisung… But I wasn’t! I promise!”

“I know, I know. You’re not that kind of person.”

Jeongin jerked his head in a nod, “I love him, I would never- Never-“

Chris let out a noise of agreement, a soft rumble from the dusted speaker. “So, what happened? You would never cheat, so you didn’t do it. What led Hyunjin to think you were?”

“I-“ He thought back, a proverbial thumb fluttering over the files of his memory. Fingertips picked at tabs, scrawls of flashbacks etched in blood red ink. Things-  _ Words _ stuck out, words and scenes that should have clicked faster, that could have been avoided. “I spent too much time with Jisung… I- I ignored Hyunjin and, and myself.” Shame bled through the pages of his heart, regrets dyeing notebooks askew.

“And why is that?” That airy tone of acceptance, of love despite misgivings, encased Jeongin’s meager frame. It wrapped around him like he wished Chris’ arms would do now. He… He yearned to be in the comfort of his brother. He just wanted to disappear into his embrace like he would when they were kids.

“Be- Because he needed someone. I’m all he has! And- And he keeps scaring me and saying how he can’t do this, how he can’t keep living anymore!”

Jeongin heard an aborted gasp, a breath snipped too soon. “Is he…?”

“He’s alone, Chris. He's all alone and- And there’s things going on he won’t confide in me with and he’s acting so strange and frightening and-“ He paused to take in a gulp of air, his panicked spiel cut short. “And I just… I put him first. Above me, above Hyunjin, above… Above everything.”

A silence fell upon them, a contemplative quiet as Chris seemed to consider what to say. “I don’t think your kindness is necessarily a bad trait, Jeongin. Your generosity, your thoughtfulness, your sensitivity… Those are all wonderful things to possess. There’s nothing wrong with having them,” Chris cleared his throat, a hardly audible cough garbling the connection. “You’re a good person. You love Hyunjin, that’s undeniable.” A lighthearted chuckle fell from Chris’ lips, one that was always followed with something excruciatingly corny yet inspirational. “I know it sounds cheesy, but you will patch this hole in the sails. Your boat is not sinking, it just needs a little extra care right now.”

Jeongin pushed out a slow puff of air from his nostrils. He mulled over the sentence; chewed it up and let it really revel upon his tongue. “What if my boat can’t be salvaged?”

“Being hopeful isn’t something to be afraid of. Optimism can take you a long way.”

* * *

It had been three days since Jeongin had seen or spoken to Hyunjin. Hyunjin, on the other hand, had been bombarding him with texts and calls every waking moment. Seungmin had confiscated his phone after the first night, the puddles of tears never ceasing otherwise.

Felix had stayed on the phone with them each night. He deemed the days an exclusive “aussie boy sleepover”, Chris’ old ass excluded. Felix baked during it, at the rich hour of 3 am while Jeongin and Seungmin observed in awe. Felix had so much potential in culinary arts. He looked at peace when he did it, when he whisked the ingredients with bundles of love sprinkled in here and there. His tongue would stick out when he concentrated, the tip poking at his cracked bottom lip. He would grin and giggle and jump on his tip toes whenever he felt he succeeded or completed the task. It was unadulterated joy, squeals of glee. It made Jeongin happy just to see it, made him forget for a moment.

“Have you spoken to him at all?” Felix asked while he added a pinch of cinnamon to his mixing bowl. “Hyunjin, that is.”

Jeongin glanced at his phone, the oodles of notifications from Hyunjin alone taking up the entirety of his lock screen. “No… Seungmin told me to make sure I wasn’t upset anymore before I spoke to him.” He winced when another text came through, dismissing it just as soon as the banner appeared. “He said it’s better to talk things through when I’m not so emotional, yknow?”

Felix considered that for a moment, “He’s right, for once. Still, you should talk to him soon. If you’re ready.”

“I think… I think I am?” His voice lifted into a query, unsure of the idea himself. Felix eyed him warily as he spoke once more. “I want to see him so bad, Lixie… But-“

“If you want to see him, then go. The only one stopping you is you.”

“What if he doesn’t want to see me?” Jeongin whispered, “What if we’re really over? Lixie- Lixie, what if-“

Felix gave Jeongin an amused smile, a blinding beam of sunshine parting Jeongin’s rain clouded sky. “If he didn’t want to see that silly face, he wouldn’t be blowing up our phones asking how you are every day, Jeong,” He tittered, shaking his head as he set his whisk down. He met Jeongin’s wary eyes, leveling him with that persistently jovial stare. “You think too much. He loves you, you love him. You both made a mistake, so go fix it before I burn my snickerdoodles.”

* * *

Jeongin didn’t often listen to Felix’s advice, though that was primarily due to the fact it was usually based on horrific food concoctions. Regardless of that, Jeongin wound up in front of his apartment. The apartment he stormed out of 3- Or was it 4? He couldn’t… He couldn’t recall. That knowledge burned a hole inside him, a repugnant stench of seared flesh invading his respiratory tract.

Jeongin unlocked the door on the third attempt, his first two met with creaks and scrapes against the knob from the quivers in his hand. He entered as silently as he could muster, his feet not daring to clack against the floor. Still, Kkami came pattering to his side. He spun in circles around his legs, weaving between his feet as he barked his complaints.

_ You were gone so long! Where were you! Where’s my treats! _

He could imagine the irate blabbers from Kkami, that scoundrel already blowing his cover mere seconds after his arrival. Though, Hyunjin was nowhere to be found. The living room was awfully well kempt, almost like it wasn’t even lived in. There was no dust to be seen, vacuum lines fresh on the statement carpet his mother insisted they buy to spice up the room. Jeongin bit back a grin at the memory of them teasing her about it, all shrew impressions and wayward cackles. The nostalgia was bittersweet.

Jeongin kneeled down to greet Kkami, fingers scuffling the ratty fur atop his head and ears. Kkami lapped at his wrist, paws scratching at his forearm to keep him in place. 

“Hello, baby…” He mumbled, a weak smile ghosting his lips. “Did you take care of your  _ hyungie _ for me while I was away?” He let the Korean slip in, a tell of his insistent studying of the language.

Hyunjin’s parents weren’t as fluent in English as their son, Jeongin only realizing it when he had to polish off his rusty Korean skills when he met them for dinner a few months back. He had initially learned it for his adoptive grandmother, the old wretch forcing him to learn then proceeding to pretend like he had no idea he could understand her jabs and insults about his presence in the family. The language had always left a sour note in his mouth, like spoiled soup or expired meat. But now… Now it was different. Now, Hyunjin would whisper compliments in his ear in the language, his home dialect bleeding into every word. He would call him fondly, speak softly into his skin, maybe even sing him an old lullaby every once in a while if Jeongin begged.

“Has he been taking care of himself, Kkami?” Jeongin continued to pry, only being met by wide eyes and those darling perked ears. “Hm? How is he doing?” He chuckled as Kkami smeared his tongue along his fingertips. “Oh, thank you for the kisses, my baby. I missed you too.”

“Jeongin?”

Jeongin’s head snapped like a whip, smile long forgotten and lips ajar from the shock. Hyunjin was standing in the hall, caramel hair slicked with grease and matted with day old knots. His cheeks were painted with tear stains, red rimmed eyes fountains of the fluid. He looked tiny, slender limbs doused in heavy fabrics. He wore Jeongin’s long sleeve shirt, a dark blue thermal that he knew was his favorite during the cold months. 

Kkami bounded towards Hyunjin, his excited tail wags and wiggling body oblivious to the twos turmoil. Hyunjin didn’t seem to notice him, preoccupied with staring right through Jeongin as if he was a figment of his distraught imagination.

“Jeongin?” He repeated, disbelieving. His voice was croaky and raggedy as it spilled past his lips. “Is- Are you-“

Jeongin felt the dams burst behind his eyes, tears trickling down his cheeks. He straightened himself up to a standing position, vigorously scrubbing underneath his eyes till they stung. “Hey.”

Hyunjin’s bottom lip wobbled, scabbed and picked bloody. “Hi,” He rasped, waterline brimming all the same.

Kkami stopped his heedless barks, his tail steadily slowly to a halt. He lightly pawed at Hyunjin’s bare foot, nails dragging red marks across the thin layer of skin. Hyunjin stepped over him then, cautious tremors in his gait while he approached Jeongin.

Jeongin felt a clenching in his tummy, a hand delving into the recesses of his innards and giving the bundles of organs a firm squeeze. Still, he stood his ground. Silently, he observed Hyunjin. His knees shook, his arms were wound around his hips… He was not the courageous, soft spoken man Jeongin knew, no, he was something more. Some may argue he was less, the man before him, but to Jeongin? That was Hyunjin. And he was Jeongin, no matter how pitiful the two appeared. Them, their relationship, it was a star that had undergone a supernova, creating new planets and gas giants from the remnants. It was a new age, an evolution of  _ them _ . Some species do not survive —do not adapt to— evolutions. Would they adapt to theirs? Would they live through it? Or let their bond perish like the fossils buried within the layers of soot? Burn till there’s nothing left in the magma of their insecurities?

“I missed you,” Hyunjin cheeped, stalling just out of arms reach from Jeongin. He hobbled, uncoordinated as he switched weight from one to the other over and over again. Uncertainly, he whispered, “I’m not- I’m not dreaming, right?”

“If you’re asking that then I think you know the answer.” Jeongin shifted his gaze away from Hyunjin, eyeing the pristine state of the kitchen. Not a stray splotch of sauce on the backsplash or droplet of water in the sink. Hyunjin looked gaunt in the cheeks, sunken and pale. Jeongin surmised he must not have been eating, yet he couldn’t reproach him for it when he was no better.

Whenever Jeongin was like that —overwhelmed by his depression— he just couldn’t eat. He wasn’t choosing not to for the sake of anything else, though it wouldn’t be the first time if he did. He just couldn’t muster an appetite, a violent gag reflex triggering at the mere idea of a midnight snack. His body would then tear away at its own fat supply, specially if he was particularly stressed or morose. He had lost 5 pounds in the past few days alone. He couldn’t imagine Hyunjin’s own predicament was much different.

Hyunjin nodded stiffly, fiddling with the tips of his fingers. He opened his mouth once more, then closed it before he could make a sound. He repeated this action a handful of times before the tears sprung from his eyes. Jeongin instantly turned to him again, almost out of instinct. Hyunjin’s lips were pursed, pressed tight to keep them from quaking. He was agonized, devastated. It made Jeongin want to swaddle him, embrace him till he complained he couldn’t breathe. Ironically, he always sunk into his chest like he couldn’t get enough. He was addicted, just as Jeongin was. Jeongin wanted to hum the tune to their song, caressing Hyunjin’s hair till he slipped under the waves. He wanted to relish in Hyunjin. He would dare to say he needed it.

“I don’t wanna lose you,” Hyunjin sobbed, hands coming up to shield Jeongin from his fitful cries. He used balled fists to swipe his tears away, sleeves dampening from the downpour. “I-I didn’t mean wh- what I said… Didn’t mean it, Jeongie.”

Jeongin drudged up the courage to step forward, tremors in his fingers as he circled them around Hyunjin’s wrists. He gave them a soft tug, leading them away from his face so he could meet Hyunjin’s teary eyes. “You don’t wanna break up?”

The phrase alone made both of them cringe in disgust, earning them their answers without uttering a word. Still, Hyunjin vocalized his stance with a fervent passion. Jeongin wouldn’t stop him, he… He needed to hear it. “No! No, I don’t! I- I love you, Jeongin! Fuck, I-“ He sniffled, leaning into the small touch Jeongin granted him at the wrists. “I’m so sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.”

Jeongin hushed him, apprehensively closing the distance between their bodies. His hands drifted to Hyunjin’s waist, loose grip soaked with hesitation. “I know, Hyunnie. I’m sorry too… You- You had every right to be upset with me, you really did. I care about Jisung, sure, but I can’t shoulder the responsibility to the point that I neglect myself… That I neglect  _ us _ .”

Jeongin felt Hyunjin’s muscles tense at the mention of Jisung, uncomfortably taut as they flexed beneath the skin. “And you- You didn’t, uhm-“

“I didn’t do anything with him. I never would, Hyunjin.” Jeongin used two fingers to lift Hyunjin’s gaze, thumb lightly pressed to his chin and index finger supporting his jaw. He stared intently into Hyunjin’s eyes, doing his absolute best to convey his unspoken sincerity. “I love  _ you _ , Hyunjin Hwang. I don’t want or need anyone else in the way I do with you.”

Hyunjin swallowed thickly, weakly nodding his head. He then keened into Jeongin’s touch, eyes fluttering closed. His hair fell into lashes, blonde caught in betwixt black. Jeongin raised his other hand to clear it away, tenderly tucking the strands behind Hyunjin’s ear. He bit back a laugh at the happy smile painting Hyunjin’s lips.

He missed Hyunjin’s smile. He missed seeing his cherry blossom cheeks bunch, his plush lips upturned. He missed seeing his eyes crinkle from the joy, the twinkle in the slits. He didn’t want to see it disappear, but he… He had to say something. He couldn’t allow his thoughts to fester, to churn and curdle till it formed a repulsive resentment.

“Hey, Hyunnie?”

“Mm?” He trilled, almost mindlessly as he looped his arms around Jeongin’s waist. He still kept a distance between them, both too heedful to overstep.

“You-“ Jeongin chewed on the inside of his cheek, retracting his palms from Hyunjin’s cheeks. They glided down to his shoulders, firm grip locking Hyunjin in place.

The lack of warmth on Hyunjin’s cheeks made him open his eyes, waiting patiently for Jeongin to continue. “Go on, angel, it’s okay,” He coaxed, reassuring rubbings to Jeongin’s hips with the pads of his thumbs.

“This is probably selfish to say…” Jeongin began, “But I- Please, don’t do this to me again. Please, Hyunjin, I- I can’t take it. If you really want to break up at some point, then that’s it. No just, just throwing it out in a fight because we’re upset.” Jeongin couldn’t pat down his urge to weep, the cry slinking up his throat like bile. He clung to Hyunjin’s shirt, fingers wrapped in the thick fabric of the thermal. He pled, broken and chewed up. “Please… I can’t… I can’t take this pain, Hyunnie. Not again.”

Hyunjin whimpered, guiltstricken features and furrowed brows. He gathered Jeongin close, arms tightly wound around his waist. He littered kisses along his cheek and temple, nose tickling Jeongin’s hairline. “I’m sorry, Jeongin. I’ll never do it again, okay? I promise, babylove.” Hyunjin pulled back to look into Jeongin’s eyes, both of their vision’s hazy and wet. He leaned forward, but then jolted to a sudden stop. He took a long, steadying breath, then nudged the very tip of his nose against Jeongin’s. “I’ll never hurt you like this again.”

Jeongin sniffed, a soft titter falling past his lips as Hyunjin nuzzled their noses together. “Okay.”

“Okay,” He echoed, gently dragging the tip of his nose along Jeongin’s cheek. He pressed into the dimple forming as Jeongin felt himself smile.

“Y’know, if you weren’t so shy, I’d think you wanna kiss me right now.”

“You are sick and twisted,” Hyunjin deadpanned, lip twitching in a grin. He laughed as Jeongin smacked at his chest, both of them giggling wildly at their antics. He then met Jeongin’s eyes, blowing a content puff of air from his nostrils. “Can I kiss you?”

Jeongin hummed, gaze flitting between Hyunjin’s eyes and his snarky little mouth. He leant forward a touch, careful as he grazed their lips together. It wasn’t a kiss, just a brush. A brush of longing, a wisp of a craving so delectable, so palpable. “You don’t have to ask, my love,” He whispered, “The answer is always yes with you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey i’m sorry for disappearing. i haven’t been doing well at all. i might talk abt triggering stuff past this paragraph so sorry. i hope u guys enjoyed this tho and please leave me feedback on it. your feedback always makes me feel so much better and writing is just. the only thing i have right now i feel like. thank you for reading
> 
> okay here’s a summary of some stuff that’s happened. if you follow my twt you know i got into a relationship and we broke up like a month later. that itself didn’t really mess with me, but the guy i dated was not great. he gaslit me and manipulated me a lot. i was so stressed and we moved into an airbnb temporarily cause we were both in shitty home situations (i am now back in mine so that’s fun :/) during that time i started self harming again but i thankfully stopped. also i’ve relapsed into my eating disorder and my depression is eating away at me, literally and figuratively. i’ve, without exaggeration, lost nearly 15 pounds in the past month from stress and my ed. right now i’m just. home. and home isn’t good either. this place, my entire town, i hate it. i’m trapped here. i’m not safe cause i’m still, to this day, outed by a kid i used to be friends with in middle school. i have no one here. no friends, no nothing. my family doesn’t care and we just don’t talk anymore despite living together. my moms bf (who we live with) makes me so uncomfortable / scares me and my mom just doesn’t do anything about it. she promised it would be different when i came back and that he felt bad for making me feel that way but it’s exactly the same. nothing has changed. i knew it wouldn’t but it doesn’t help i guess. i have no motivation, no energy. i sleep 15 hours a day and am stuck in my room just like before. i got a new job though, cause my current / previous one made everything worse. i honestly doubt i will ever have a job as bad as that one again in my life, it was that terrible.  
> sorry i kinda just vented lol but anyways thanks and i hope u guys r having a good holiday. please stay safe and take care of yourselves.


	22. daffodil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yellow daffodils are jeongin’s favorite

“Hyunnie~ Hyunnie, come here!” Jeongin drawled, rumbling purrs leaving his sultry lips. “C’mon, sweet boy, let me see you. I know you look stunning.”

Hyunjin felt a fevered heat prick at his cheeks, the warmth spreading from his tummy all the way to the tips of his ears. He fussed with the hemline of his skirt, the floral pattern blanketing his honey dipped thighs. It shifted with his every inhale, the doubled satin layers tickling his peach fuzz. The skirt was a christmas gift from Jeongin, a white flowy garment with canary yellow daffodils printed onto the satin. He hadn’t purposefully waited to try it on, the idea had just always sent him into a flustered tailspin. Before he knew it, it was just a few days shy of Jeongin’s birthday. An entire month of the pretty thing tucked neatly in the back of his drawer, never having seen the winter sky since it’s arrival in Hyunjin’s arms.

“Hyunjin, if you’re too nervous, you don’t have to show me, okay?” Jeongin’s gentle voice, a calm wave kissing the sand, came knocking on Hyunjin’s heart. “I won’t be upset, I promise. I just want you to be comfortable.”

Hyunjin let a frail gasp of air inside his lungs, his head teeming with electrified nerves. He flattened the front of his skirt once more, eyeing himself in the full length mirror. He paired the skirt with one of Jeongin’s yellow t-shirts, the hem tucked nicely into the waistband of his skirt. It revealed the small divots of his collarbone, faint traces of purple moltings daring a peek from underneath the collar.

Jeongin was a biter, that pesky little brat. If Hyunjin wouldn’t pay him enough mind, he’d press warning kisses to his jugular. They’d be fleeting things, wisps of a touch. He’d nuzzle and nudge his nose against his neck, dragging pink lips along flush skin. Hyunjin always enjoyed teasing him, so he’d often pretend not to feel it. Pretend not to feel the pursing of a pout, the huff of a scorned boyfriend fanning his skin. Jeongin would then graze his teeth against the places he’d kissed, soft nibbles to areas he knew wouldn’t be seen. He’d never break skin, that wasn’t the goal. It was just a playful love bite, like a puppy who would gently nip if he was too riled up. Never to cause pain, never to harm. And Hyunjin would be fibbing if he claimed he wasn’t fond of the colors that bloomed from the indents. Of the warmth of Jeongin’s lips on his flesh, tip of his tongue curving to smooth over the bites he went a little too far with. Hyunjin didn’t mind them, no, he adored them. It was just another way for Jeongin to show his affection, his devotion. Hyunjin was beginning to think that maybe touch was a love language for him after all.

Hyunjin swiveled his hips as he thought, a giddy spark igniting in his chest as he watched it swing around his thighs. The blur of vibrance, the sensation of silky fabric against him. He was mesmerized by it all. He played with his bottom lip, index and thumb pinching and poking at its fullness. He couldn’t help the sated grin, the happy hoots and hollers in his heart. He looked pretty, Hyunjin decided, he looked very pretty.

“I’m okay, Jeongie,” Hyunjin then spoke, hearing the rising lilts of a smile in his own voice. “Are you ready?”

“I was born ready!” Jeongin whooped, excited chuckles chasing after his words.

Hyunjin barked out a laugh, turning on his heel to approach their bedroom door. His hand hovered over the knob, the metal cool against his palm. He inhaled, slow and steady. He reminded himself who was on the other side. Who was bouncing on his tip toes with tempered enthusiasm in the living room. Jeongin would think he looked beautiful, Jeongin always did. Even if Hyunjin didn’t concur, Jeongin would never stray from his stance. Jeongin would always tell Hyunjin he was the most dazzling person to walk the earth, and he knew today would be no different.

With that thought in the front of his mind, he exited their bedroom. He took shy steps, apprehension still gnawing at the brittle bones of his ego. Jeongin stood just a ways away, silently observing Kkami as he slept in the quaint little dog bed they’d bought him recently.

Having heard the bedroom door click shut, Jeongin’s eyes flickered towards Hyunjin. A gasp fell from his parted lips, eyes wide as Hyunjin stopped just a few feet shy of Jeongin. Hyunjin timidly met his gaze through the gaps of his lashes, no longer slicked with thin layers of mascara. He had wiped away his makeup, not even his token lip gloss staining his lips. He felt bare, exposed, but seen. Seen as who he was, and taken for nothing more.

“Woah,” Jeongin breathed, fixated on the garment he gifted Hyunjin. He was captivated, struck still. “You- You look-“

“Pretty?” Hyunjin suggested, cheeks burning from the admittance. A couple strands of his hair fell into his peripheral, his head ducked sheepishly. He stared at his bare feet, nervously wringing his clamming fingers together. He rocked from heel to toe, body spurring with anxious energy as he awaited Jeongin’s next move.

“More than pretty.” Jeongin closed the distance between them, using a hand to gather and tuck Hyunjin’s unruly hair behind the shell of an ear. He used the same hand to then affectionately cradle his cheek, willowy fingers pillowed by pudgy flesh. He tilted his head up to meet his eyes, a smile etched into his lips. Jeongin admired his features, enamored gaze settling on each one till he returned to Hyunjin’s eyes. His brows were raised just a tad, sincerity dripping into pools of the coffee brown surrounding his pupils. “You’re beautiful. I- I don’t have the words to describe how much so. You’re otherworldly. You’re divine.”

Hyunjin whined, stomping his foot childishly while blood rushed to his cheeks. With a crinkled nose and jut lips he said, “Be quiet!”

Jeongin trilled, a loving smile adorning his mouth. “Never, my daffodil. You’ll have to make me.”

Hyunjin squeaked at the nickname, surely looking akin to a crimson rose rather than a daffodil with how toasty his face felt. He pitched forward to bury himself in the junction of Jeongin’s neck, arms secured around his midsection. 

He felt Jeongin’s shoulders jostle with a laugh, a hand coming up to tangle in the back of Hyunjin’s locks. He scratched at his scalp, blunt nails and fingertips gently massaging the area. “Cheesy shit is always the way to make you melt, huh?”

Hyunjin grumbled, using the heel of his foot to crush the toes of Jeongin’s. He missed by a centimeter, barely clipping his big toe. “Shut up, asshole.”

Jeongin sighed in content, canting downwards to plant a series of faint kisses to the side of Hyunjin’s neck. “Kiss me and I will,” He purred.

Hyunjin felt a pleasant shiver meander down his spine as Jeongin sunk his teeth into the base of his neck. It wasn’t much, hardly a nibble even. He was playing a game and Hyunjin was certainly on the losing team.

“You’re mean.” Hyunjin raised his head, bumping the tip of his nose along Jeongin’s jawline. “Look at me.”

Jeongin obeyed, a mischievous grin greeting Hyunjin. “Looking.”

Hyunjin surveyed him for a moment. The way his eyes were hooded in bliss, that bright smile dimmed to a glow of dusk. He leant forward, soon encompassed by the orange tinge of a summer sunset. Warm, cozy, serene. Jeongin’s lips were a field of flowers in the spring, a bushel of dandelions, a hidden patch of four leaf clovers. Perhaps that was more so the essence of him as a whole, rather than a feeling his kisses elicited. Either way, Hyunjin would not complain about the sensation. For, he could not muster a dream of a better one.

“I love you,” Jeongin panted into his mouth, calloused hands now lovingly caressing Hyunjin’s cheeks. The words tasted of raspberry gum and chocolate bars.

“I love you too,” Hyunjin echoed, catching Jeongin’s bottom lip between his teeth. “Now kiss me again.”

Jeongin tittered, his lips curling against Hyunjin’s into an unmistakably gummy smile. “As you wish, my darling.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi my mom *redacted* last night so next chap is gonna be me venting thru jeongin babeyyyy i’m ok tho so dw !!!! next chap has hella plot tho like it’s a game changer.... doesn’t affect hyunin as a whole tho it’s just Jeongin Lore Reveal... dlc content, if u will  
> also i wrote another hyunin au plot doc and my friend rie literally called me when they read it cause it made them cry. my power is unmistakable  
> lmk wht u guys thought !!!!! also sry fr posting this @ 2 am i’m working overnights lol  
> ilu and if u have any reqs or questions u can leave them in the comments or in my cc !!!! be safe !!!!! ilu !!!!

**Author's Note:**

> i’m back sexies !!!! i hope u guys enjoy these one shots cause i rly do like writing them. peach tree is a huge comfort for me :( and i hope it is fr u !!!!
> 
> also: i’m taking requests in the comments and my [ cc ](https://curiouscat.me/yananvation) for what you wanna see !!! it can be more hyunin moments like this first chap (angsty or fluff) or can focus on the background characters !! i have a small list of what i’m gonna write next, so look forward to it !!!


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